Hop's Thoughts

This blog has all but died. I still use it to keep track of movies, but that's about it. I've stopped the rants, stopped the open heart messages and stopped the insights, whether they were right or wrong. I'd like to start a new one, with a theme I stick to and maybe make some money doing it, but there is so little out there that isn't covered ad nauseam. 2015 was a horrid year for me and I don't believe tomorrow is a great rebirth. While I will always remember this year as one of the worst in my life, I did get a cat, who is my best friend. Who senses my pain and my pleasure. I "met" a friend, who gets me too. Quite possibly, on a level not to many have. While my chance at anything romantic with her isn't in the cards, a little piece of me will hold out hope, maybe for a day, maybe forever. Who knows? She tells me we don't know about the future, but I know, based on my past, we'll fade, our friendship and I'll be left with memories of so...

Had thought of writing about the two people in my life right now, but can't find any words that work. A narcissistic follower and a subservient leader, their ironic existence is the yin and yang to my own. One whose mundane routines fill me with anxiety and hate, while the other, whose schedule fluctuations, create pockets of unexpected happiness, that last just long enough to be ruined, by the cold kitchen floor; a shocking reminder, to never take for granted anything you have, because the tiniest things, seem so large, when they are gone.

Feels like months since I've written here. A 3am run to the bathroom and the need to stay connected. Out from under warm sheets, tiptoe across the floor, turning back to see the tiniest bits of light reflecting in the cat's eyes. Come back, sip the now cold coffee and find out a singer is dead. Feels like I just shut off Amy and there's another tragedy. Thoughts rewind, fast forward and pause. Shooting, climate, war, babies, animals, life and death. Scroll the feed and traffic and work complaints. Hundreds of thousands, checking in dumpsters for meals, yet twenty minutes in a warm waiting room deserves our sympathy? I smile, not at the thought of poverty or anguish, but that tiny ray starts to shine. "Did you just call me an asshole?" I giggle now, like I did earlier. It'll never happen the way I imagine it, because I know my life...the hug, squeeze turning into something more, will never exist. Walking back from that cold bathroom floor, back into bed, wrappi...

With one month left, I finally surpassed the 300 movies mark (a few shorts, but also a few series and/or seasons of shows thrown in. The good outweighed the bad this month, but the real gem was Ordet. One could argue it's place as one of the greatest movies of all-time and when I say argue, whether it's number one or not. The Bicycle Thief - After all these years, I finally see it and I'm left baffled by its praise. Mommy - Xavier Dolan's unflinching look at so much more than just a mom and her son.  We Are Still Here - Silly horror film, with goofy ghost, ruins solid atmosphere. The Gift - A complete train wreck from start to finish, which is surprising with the stellar cast. Point Blank - Exciting, frenetic-paced French thriller that is rich as it is fun.  Le Havre - Kaurismaki's simple, nearly perfect tale of a lovable loser's altruism.  Ordet - Awe! The only word to describe my feeling. Emotions will run. Dreyer masterpiece. The Gallows - Possibly ...