Hop's Thoughts

I don't know if wanting, craving, hunger, not in the sense of appetite, but of desire, is an emotion only shared by humans or not. I wonder sometimes if my feline friend's need to go out, catch mice, birds, or even large insects, is brought on by the same emotions or if it's born into him. Did he learn that need, like I did for certain things or was it born into him? I know most of the things I've craved in life, have been replaced, regardless of whether or not I attained them. I sometimes wonder what controls that. As a child, I desired sweets, but as an adult, I rarely venture into that area of food. I much prefer savory, salty, or even bitter. As a teen, I had a poster of a Lamborghini on my wall, but given all the money in the world now, I'd probably buy an RV. As a young adult, I bought stuff, but now, my entire life could fit in the trunk of a car. Some might call that failure, and I'd be hard pressed to come up with reasons as to why they are wrong, but...

On this very day, eight years ago, I wrote a blog about dining alone. It's one of the worst experiences I endured back then. It may seem odd, but it's always been the one thing I just don't like to do. Eight years later, I live in a house with two others, sometimes their grandkids and we've never all shared a meal together. I've changed how and what I eat over the past few years, but in the last eight years, since I wrote that blog, things have changed. In fact, with the exception of maybe ten meals, yes ten, I've eaten alone every meal for the past two years. My habits have changed so much so, that in the past eight months, I do not believe I've eaten at a table more than a dozen times. If there is one thing in my life that I'd change, it would be that. Funny when you think about what could change it. Maybe funny isn't the proper word.

He wakes in the morning and pours his coffee, cuts his fruit, pets his cat. She wakes in the morning, pours her coffee and cereal, pets her cat. He wakes in the morning, takes his pills and then a shower. She wakes in the morning, grabs her sneakers and heads off for a run. He wakes in the morning, cries, then heads back to bed. She wakes in the morning, cries and then heads out the door. He wakes in the morning, feeds his children and they leave for the day. She wakes in the morning, tip-toes about, leaves for the day and misses her children. He wakes up in the morning, smokes a joint and grabs an apple. She wakes up in the morning, contemplates her fate, then decides to face the day. He wakes up in the morning, masturbates and realize it's the best part of his day. She wakes up in the morning, wakes him for sex, the leaves, wondering why she's with him. He wakes up in the morning, feeds his dog, then takes him for a walk. She wakes up in the morning, calls her mo...

I would not say I'm happy, but I at least know what makes me happy. I often wonder if the problem with people today, their misery, their anger, even hate, stems from an inability to recognize what brings them joy. Watch a child play and you realize it's the single item, the concentration, the connection to whatever the task is, that brings them joy. Add a television, background music or even a parent's interruption and they quickly lose interest, move on to the next thing and grow increasingly agitated, even upset. So why do we as adults, lose that ability? Why do we believe that stimulation, multiple stimulation will bring us joy, when we don't even understand what it is we want? I have two landlords. They have a beautiful home, a large deck, a enormous backyard that more or less faces the north west and brings about some magical sunsets. Not a single time have they sat outside for the few minutes where nature brings on colors and images, no fireworks display could...

Without getting into the long, drawn out story of my circumstances over the last few years, I've come to the realization that having expectations of people is a useless endeavor. Why is it, that we as a society, need to be asked, told or prodded to do things that are expected. Why would someone offer a service, an amenity or just a gesture, if they needed to be prodded to carry through with it? Why advertise something, if it's not really part of the deal, written only to sweeten the pot, unless actually demanded? It's a mystery. Even the casual restaurants now will offer specials on the menu or a website, but unless one asks in person, they're simply empty words. Free! That word is used so often, but fixed to an action that must be performed by the customer, unbeknownst them. Digital coupons. First we must download to an app, then a card, then asked "Do you wish to use it at this time?" Immediately made to feel as if you've unlocked some secret that was ...

While I've been vegan for over a year now, I've yet to fully embrace preaching the importance of it, not only for my friends, but for their future and for the future of our environment. I'm not going to rant and rave, but simply comment on a few things I noticed over the last five days. Yesterday was 14 months vegan and my 20th vegetarian. I can no longer handle the smell of cooked eggs, a food I used to eat daily. I'm appreciating spices more and realizing protein without them was never appetizing. Encasing one part of an animal into another part of it is not a normal thing. Vegan nachos are simply nachos that don't stick together. Most cheeses sold in America, add nothing to the flavor of most meals. With the right spices, tofu and cauliflower makes a damn fine burger. Finding fat substitutes, for flavor, has been the single biggest challenge. Most booze is vegan. Ben & Jerry's non-dairy ice cream, Endangered Species chocolates and vegan cupcak...

I've been a vegan for over a year. Vegetarian for about 20 months. I did not do it for dietary or health reasons, although those side effects have been a wonderful change. I did it purely for moral and ethical reasons. I finally realized, yes it took me 45+ years to realize, I am no more important than a bird, a cat, a cow or a fish. I am not more important than the spider weaving its web or the mosquito or wasp, who may not respect me as much as I them. It's my choice and I've not done much preaching. I've signed dozens of petitions and written letters, but most of my preaching is done one-on-one, in the hopes that parents will do better for their children, than they did for themselves. Rarely does it register. Indoctrination is powerful stuff. Since becoming vegan, I've actually helped animals and bugs out. I've saved mice birds, even a cat or two who were stuck. I've noticed animals come closer to me now, although I full admit this may be a matter of p...

One of the bad things about having a blog is the realization that this slow, monotonous life, very often reveals little to us. Change is something most of us don't want, despite our declarations of love for adventure and new beginnings. When we look back, at times the painful reality of having this blog, we realize that change rarely occurs from us seeking it. Change simply happens to us, very rarely in an instant, but gradually sneaking up on us over time. Usually, we are not even aware it has happened. I've written about my move, my loathing of fireworks, my fear for our country, my worries for those I'd love to help and my wishes, desires and everything in between. Having this blog, has made me realize those wishes don't often change and my lack of desire may be the culprit. All that being said, the true void in my life is a sense of home. I've written about how I never felt of my town of Eastchester as home. When I finally did move out on my own, I was never h...