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Goodbye 2009

I've been writing letters to each month thanking them or criticizing them based on how they've treated me. December came and went like none other. I don't even remember anything about December other than my Internet connection going out, followed by my computer breaking, followed by my phone not working...oh wait, it's still not working despite them sending me a new one. December, you sucked!

2009 was a blur. I don't ever remember a year moving so quickly. Is this a sign of old age? Do days just begin to mesh into each other. Or is it because 2009 only had three seasons. We went from Winter to Summer back to Winter. We never really had a spring or a fall. Although this winter really wasn't that hot either. Global warming is fucking with us.

This year started off with a bitter cold January and February. Work was good and life was going at a decent pace. Then the wheels fell off. It seemed like we had the most perfect weather for about eight months. This is great in every aspect, but one. I work for a heating and air-conditioning company. Apparently perfect weather causes phones to stop ringing which causes mine to ring or beep with a message of "sleep late." Always a good thing in every aspect, but one. Money! So I managed. I cut back on going out, I made dinner instead of buying it. I lived a normal life. I can't even remember the summer. Did I do anything? I don't remember.

I do remember August. August was a rough month. I've already spoke too much about this and don't want to beat a dead horse. All I can say is that I hope a certain someone is happy. It's all I ever wanted. Sure I wanted to be part of it and the unexpected turn of events still baffles me to this day, but she's a good person. I want her to know that I don't hold any animosity, just curiosity. She's a beautiful person and I'm happy I had the small amount of time I did with her. I'll always be thankful of that. Some things are just not meant to be. A lesson I learn all too often.

August also shook me to my core. My friends little son had surgery. It was serious. He's fine now, but I can't put into words how worried I was. It made me realize how precious some people are to me, even if they or I don't always show it. My good friends are my family. I hope they know that.

September was filled with mixed emotions, but was capped with my brother's wedding to his lovely wife Diana. It was a beautiful weekend. I'm not saying it because it was my brother, but it was truly the first wedding I have enjoyed start to finish. The entire day was perfect (aside from me sweating to death). I ended the night in fine fashion. Waking in me car in the parking lot wearing shorts and a t-shirt. The after party went way too late. I will never know if there was a missed opportunity that night, but it didn't matter. The day couldn't have been any finer. I'm so happy for both my brother and my new family member, Diana.

The holidays were interesting. A Thanksgiving road trip to Ithaca was quite enjoyable and overly relaxing. It was just what the doctor called for. As Christmas approached I become a little sullen. I didn't really have that festive vibe. I spent Christmas day by myself. This was my choice. A correct choice in retrospect. I spent the evening with some friends and the rest of the weekend was a bit of a party.

The year ended with some sad news. A friend lost his mother to cancer. Another friend was diagnosed. It was a rough year for friends of mine. Quite a few lost family members and quite a few became sick. Sometimes I wish I could take their pain and let them be at peace. I know the feelings of finding out someone has a sickness. I also know the feeling of losing that person. It is a tough deal. One is so shocking and one is so devastating, even when you know it is inevitable. I don't pray, but I think about these people every day. I'm not always good about contacting people. I sometimes feel I get to emotional when discussing their problems, especially when it happens to be cancer. I just hope they know I care about them and think about them every day.

2010 has arrived. New Year's Eve was a fun time. The evening ended early for me, but that was my choice. I wanted to enjoy the following day. The football, the fun, the friends. So I sit here on January 2nd, a whole new year in front of me. I don't make resolutions because making a plan sets you up for failure. I will take what 2010 throws at me and react with my head and my heart. I hope the obstacles aren't as great as in this past year, but regardless of what is ahead of me, I am ready. I will try to be a little more fiscally responsible for my own good. I will try and become a little more to my needs and a little less to others. Yes, that sounds selfish, but I find I give a lot more of myself than I get in return. I think maybe, being selfish sometimes isn't a bad thing. I don't know, I've never tried it. I look forward to it.

2010 started off pretty good. I spent the first day watching a game with a good friend. I followed that up by hanging out with some other friends. I met someone, who if I had my wits about me I might have been a little more aggressive in getting to know. She said she'd look for me when she was back in town. Who knows if this was true, but it was nice to hear. I'll say this; for a guy to meet a girl, buy her a drink and have her reciprocate, it definitely makes you feel good. Maybe I misread her like I do most women. Maybe I'll never see her again. But you know what. For a few minutes, maybe hours, it was nice to be in someones company like that.

2010...bring it on.

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