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Do What You're Good At

I once had a teacher who told me that when we got older, we shouldn't try to be something we aren't.  We should do what we are good at.  She explained to the class that when she was younger, she always had a knack for showing kids who were younger how to do things.  She taught her friend to tie her shoes, her sister to ride a bike and a cousin to snap her fingers.  So she became a teacher. It all seemed trivial because we've all taught others, but she saw this a calling. So maybe this advice was fruitful, even if I didn't know it then.

I'm approaching the age of forty and friends of mine have different occupations and I'd like to say they are all good at what they do.  I have a friend who is a police officer and when I think about it, he's always been a little protective of others. I have a friend who is a fireman and when I think about it, he's always been good at lounging around, eating and sleeping.  Oh, wait, I mean he's bold and fearless.  I have a friend who is an accountant and he's always been frugal and good with money, even if it isn't his own.  I have friends who have become lawyers and they were always snakes.  So it got me thinking.  What is my calling?

I work in an office for a heating and air conditioning company.  I'm told I'm personable, so that helps.  I also run an after school program.  I am good with kids and most people always thought I'd have five or six kids by now.  I have none.  I worked as a roofer. I was always good at getting a tan and carrying heavy crap up ladders, but that's not really being good at something, is it?  So what is it I'm good at?

I've given this a lot of thought.  I used to be pretty damn good at sports, but never played for any teams.  So an athlete was never in the cards.  So what is it I do well.  After much deliberation I've come to the conclusion that I have a few too many gigabytes of useless info in my brain, I love food, I'm told I'm a decent writer and I'm good at drinking.  So how can I turn that into a profession?  My first thought is talk show host, but who the heck would hire me?  I have a face for radio and don't think I could do the small-talk thing for very long.  So how can someone who is good at drinking and possesses knowledge of all things unimportant make a living? 

Here's my thought.  I'm going to become a bar critic.  I think I'll go every bar in NYC and Westchester and review it.  My reviews won't be like most restaurant critics though.  No way.  I'm going to have a whole different view on how to rate a place. Bright lights - no way.  If it's a 90 degree day and the sun is shining bright, I want to walk down into an abyss of whiskey and scotch soaked mahogany.  Two beers on tap, four in bottles and a plethora of spirits I've never heard of.  I will rate the place on my state walking out as well.  I will stay one hour, maybe two in each establishment.  If I walk out feeling a little light headed, it's only going to add to the rating.  If the bartender decides to tell me his life story, I'll negate some points.  Unless of course his life story is as interesting as Hemingway or Howard Hughes'.  I'll get some pub grub and it better be greasy.  I don't want white cloth napkins either.  I'm there to chow and drink, I don't need to pretend I'm a dainty little bitch.  If on my first bite, I stain my shirt, it only makes me like the place more.  If after seeing my Bukowski-esque ways, the regulars embrace me as one of their own, I'll love the place even more.  I want to feel like I could return, in my bath robe, and sit down without there being even a whisper questioning my behavior.

My ratings will be based on five simple criteria.  I will rank the place on comfort, the bartender, the patrons, the food, and finally on the overall outcome.  Too often service and decor is taken into account.  I want a place that is either alive and kicking or so dead I know I can go and hide.  The middle ground is for sophisticated cosmo drinkers.  They need not subscribe to my rating system. I think this is my calling in life.  I think it is my destiny.  I just need someone to listen and someone to care.

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