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Facebook Statuses from 1970 To Now

What if Facebook had always been around?  Imagine how truly amazing our statuses would have been?  So much better than today's boring bullshit about going to cross fit, doing yoga, pictures of food, etc.  Well here's what mine would have looked like if Facebook has always been around

1970 - Wait, what is that bright light. I can't fit through there....ahhhhhh!
1971 - Hey Mom, why do the other kids get titties?
1972 - I must be fucking gorgeous the way everyone makes kissing faces
1973 - Wait a minute, where are the bars on my bed?
1974 - Who is this ugly guy and why is raising a peace sign?
1975 - Grandma and Granpa gave me $5 - getting 250 pieces of gum bitches!
1976 - First grade is rough. Need a fucking nap.
1977 - I wanna be a Jedi when I grow up.
1978 - Girls have cooties.
1979 - New School. I have a free period. I'm nine? Hold me.
1980 - Wow, I'm a decade old.  Thanks for the Playboy grandpa (no really).
1981 - Wait, wasn't that the guy from that movie with the monkey?
1982 - Is that a hair on my balls?
1983 - Graduated 8th grade and still haven't kissed Jennifer Singer.
1984 - I have a girlfriend who is 17. I have no idea what I am doing.
1985 - I'm moving out of Brooklyn to Westchester. I hate life!
1986 - Buckner!!!!!!!!!!
1987 - So that's sex! And look the commercials aren't even over.
1988 - Do I go to graduation or make $63.20?
1989 - I am just taking a "little" break from college to work.
1990 - I'm rich bitches! Who wants to go to the New Ro and drink?
1991 - I'm 21, dating someone and have no other social life.
1992 - Work 40 hrs, Little League 25 hrs, Girlfriend 50 hrs. Sleep - the rest.
1993 - Wait, the guy who cheated on his wife and smoked weed won?
1994 - Run Juice, Run! He's the craziest person...what did Tonya Harding do?
1995 - Thoughts to all those in the OKC bombing. The world is getting scary.
1996 - Single for the first time in a long time. Hello Mardi Gras!
1997 - Wow, Tupac is dead.
1998 - I'm going back to Birchmont! Woohoo....greatest place ever.
1999 - This show the Sopranos is pretty fucking amazing.
2000 - Didn't think we'd survive the clocks not working. Phew!
2001 - Saddest day of my life. I am at a loss for words.
2002 - Run-DMC will never be the same. R.I.P. Jam Master Jay
2003 - I thought these wars were supposed to last six months?
2004 - R.I.P Mom (Never realized the Sox won year she died - she was spared).
2005 - This apartment is perfect. I can reach the fridge and the toilet from bed.
2006 - Saddam Hussein is dead. Not sure how I feel about watching it though.
2007 - Red Sox again? Woohoo!
2008 - Grandma, we have a black president! I know, voted for him. Wait, what?
2009 - What's this Facebook thing? I'm going to check it out for ten minutes.
2010 - Woohoo I should have health care in no time and I can fix my knees.
2011 - Wall Street looks like a fun place to be right now.
2012 - Apparently, intelligence is looked down upon from those on social media.
2013 - As a child, our parents would put us in a circle and watch as we shared our toys, laughed together, hugged and kissed each other and cried when we were separated. As we grew older and moved our separate ways, we laughed, kissed and cried as we said our goodbyes.  Now as an adult, I realize we don't laugh, kiss or cry together, because we've all become so self absorbed that the act of sharing emotions is foreign. I speak not only of my small inner circle, but of the world as a whole.  I hope I can write something better for 2014, but I know that it will only get worse. It's not pessimism, it's reality.


Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 8, 2014 at 11:25 PM

    What a great timeline, Hop! Sorry I've been remiss in reading. Happy New Year - hoping joy becomes a highlight for you in 2014. I think you're due. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hop's ThoughtsJanuary 16, 2014 at 5:32 AM

      Thank You so much! Happy New Year and hoping you the best too!

      Delete

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