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Sorry I Forgot Your Birthday Mom!

Mom died at the much too young age of 62. On Monday, she would have been 72. Ten birthdays and each one I've had a moment, spoken to her and told her I missed her and on most occasions, made a toast to her memory.  This Monday, my personal woes, my ineptitude in handling certain things intelligently and my overall dissatisfaction with this new year, caused me to forget.

I woke up Tuesday morning and it as the first thing I thought of. Sadness, regret and a little bit of shame overcame me. As the week has gone by, it's gnawed at me. It's caused me to feel a little lost. I think it's because she had always been my rock and I needed her, but couldn't and it caused my mind to become cloudy. She'd of course forgiven me by now and I'd have made it up by making her laugh, but I don't have those realities anymore. I only have memories, do to forget brings me immense sadness.

Time alone always takes me back to better times, but also to worse. To her failing health, but to her powerful will. I suffer life's bump and they are growing bigger and bigger, starting to feel insurmountable and then I think of how she laughed at her six months to live diagnosis and battled on four years. But then, I think of the reality, in the end it won. Monday was a reminder of the fact even the strongest lose sometimes. I just hope I can battle as she did and return to a time when memories were good. All good.

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