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Hello Darkness My Old Friend

What is it about my life that I've become this nocturnal beast. My eyes burn in the days, but widen at night. A single window, whose blinds never open. Tiny beams are all I need. The rainy days comfort me. Hiding my red cheeked face, but maybe more. Maybe it's my desire to be left alone,  but I grasp at anything for contact. Social media occasionally embraces me, but even strangers tire of my woes. My jokes, my opinions, my thoughts are accepted as infrequently as my affection.

It's been months since I talked on the phone in the wee hours; a hobby I once did nightly.  I long for one friend, who shares this burden. I feel like my life has turned into Nosferatu's reality. Life seems like it goes on forever when you spend time alone and the moments shared seem fleeting.

I stared smiled and made a joke the other day. A stranger smiled and giggled. I looked at her soft skin, the sun shining through the window into her face. That same sun, blinded
her, I assume. Creating a sight that may even have appeared angelic, meanwhile hiding the pain, the torment and most importantly, the years. She want back to her book and I walked away. I found comfort in familiar faces that I normally would avoid. Fear, has us grab onto what we recognize.

So now I lay here at 2am, alone with those pesky thoughts. Solitude and silence are my allies or so I tell myself. I think back to a May evening, when someone said they would miss me if I left and I did and they did.  it was a good feeling to be missed. I remember laying in the darkness then, but I wasn't alone then and the light of day was my friend.

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