Pretty Much Given Up On This Medium

It's dawned on me that the things I value, like and appreciate, are not the same things others do. My sense of humor, aside from when with people, isn't the same as others. My love for film is shared by two other people, one who I don't even know and while I do get into some conversations, it's always brief. My interest in politics, religion and social matters are more for debate, but people, even those I somewhat respect, have such problems with conversing without name calling, that even those I know, I avoid nowadays.

I used to enjoy signing on late at night or early in the morning and writing my thoughts. Even nicer when someone would send me a private message commenting on it. It's nice to know people want to know the real you. I've dated people who showed no interest in my blogs and even have those in my life, who rush to read other's awful writings, to comment, critique and praise, who don't care about any of my thoughts. There are even those who read it who only comment negatively, never once crediting me with being open or sharing insights into whatever topic it may be.

I do realize most blogs have a central theme and mine, like my life and my thoughts, is scattered so much, that it's hard to come back and even know what to expect. I do think it's therapeutic, but these days, I've really got my therapy from five friends, who is speak to daily. I do know I'm a burden at times, but I feel we all are, when the chips are down. I know it won't always be like this, well I hope, but the good isn't outweighing the bad. I do love hearing about kid's football games, pumpkin picking and the occasional quiet night, that they let me into the following day. It means a lot. I do worry about becoming attached to it, because it's not my life, but we can't stop caring, because of what might happen.

I've thought of starting another type of blog, but with a business side to it, but would it take off? Who knows. I've said I wanted to write a book, a screenplay or something else for years, but don't seem to be able to narrow anything down. I have ideas, but then I research and see I'd be a small fish in a very big sea.

Not even sure why I'm writing this now. To acknowledge those privately who keep me sane? To those who listen to me gush about the cat, while rant about the humans in my life? How often can I complain about the same meals, the same conversations, the same time schedules, etc without it becoming a bore. Me becoming a bore. Who knows? I know a lot. At least I tell myself I do, but I realize I don't know what makes this thing work. This machine that keeps breaking down every few years. Anyone else know? I guess not. That's why we went from ancient times with a handful of philosophers to an entire universe full of them. All saying very little in the end.

So maybe that's my calling. Now if I can only find that life event that brings it all into a clearer picture.