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It Would Have Been Her Happiest Day

This Friday, my niece was born. I received the message via text, with a picture attached. I cried. I was so overcome with happiness, I couldn't contain it. Later that day, I finally spoke to my brother and he told me all was well. He is not close enough for me to see this wonderful addition and with the way we've all become robots to technology, I've not even spoken to my sister-in-law yet. Everything has been through our phones, but very few voices have been heard and I am anxious to hear her coos and giggles, cries and sighs. It will, I imagine, melt my heart.

Yesterday, I had a different feeling and it shook me; physically. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready for how it came upon me. Someone mentioned their parents "not being ready to be grandparents" yet and I laughed, told them they have time and went down to make myself some lunch. As I sat in the kitchen, I thought about my brother and his wife, staring in wonder at the life they created and the sadness came over me. That very moment, would have been the greatest day of her my mother's life. Better than her wedding, the birth of my brother and I (both adopted, so she couldn't give us that guilt trip) and anything else. My brother's graduation from college is what kept her alive as long as she was. I'm still convinced of this. The thought of her picking this little girl up and never ever wanting to put her down, made me quite sad. I felt dizzy, couldn't eat and decided to lay down.

I think about how my grandmothers, for all their faults, loved my brother and I so completely and unconditionally. No matter how much we took their presence, or presents, for granted, they loved us more the next time they saw us. My mother wouldn't have been able to hide this. Anything this child needed, my mother would have given her and without ever thinking of the sacrifices. Much like she gave to my brother and I, despite pain, both physical and emotional, she'd have done anything for this child. I'm not one who believes she is looking down or has a hand in the future, but I just hope, that one day, I am in a position, to give this child a fraction of the love she would have received from my mother. I wish I could do everything with even a hint of the love my mother did things with. It won't ever be the same, but for her, for both of them, I'll try.

Comments

  1. RoseApril 20, 2016 at 6:22 AM

    Sweet !!! Nice post:))

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJune 16, 2016 at 6:21 PM

    Congratulations!! You're a wonderful uncle already. Hope you get to see her soon. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hop's ThoughtsJune 17, 2016 at 12:18 PM

      Ah, I got to meet her earlier this week and we're best buds. She's just past her two month birthday and I had some nice quality time with her. Too short a visit, but definitely made the most of it. Apparently I'm the only one she'll allow to cradle her and she slept on my shoulder and let her mommy eat for 90 minutes. I think Mom was more happy about this than the baby. :)

      Delete

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