Hop's Thoughts

I may have written about this before, but I can't be certain. While I've been known to be open, I rarely talk about fear, because to be honest, I'm not really afraid of much. Sure, I don't want to die alone, but I'm pretty sure we all die alone in some ways. I don't like the idea of not being loved, but well, we deal with that too. I mean real fear, from something completely out of our control. Mine is wind; strong winds. The recent news of hurricanes bothers me more than people know. Seeing the devastation is tough and the poor support people are shown when nature's fury strikes, is always upsetting, but for me it's the cause that I find upsetting. Things like earthquakes, mudslides, sinkholes and tsunamis are scary, but for me, strong winds are simply terrifying. The pressure, the accompanying rain, thunder and lightning add to it, but for me it's that sound. That howl! Last night, my window was open a crack, the soft whirl of my ceiling fan go...

Being in charge isn't for everyone. People say they are "take charge" or "control freaks," but the reality is, most of those who claim that are poor leaders. I do not know if I am a good leader. I was as a child, especially when it came to sports, but mostly and maybe secretly, because I didn't care much about winning. I've never actually cared about winning, other than the joy it brings others. It's a weird dynamic of my life, which spills over, both positively and negatively into other aspects of my life. I don't think it will change, but I'm seeing it's affects now. For many years, I ran a program for kids. For years before that I was lucky enough to work for places that allowed me the freedom to, within reason, mold my groups in my own way. Well, after a three year hiatus, I'm back working with kids and I'm low man on the totem pole and I'm having difficulty with it. I'm having a problem being a cog. I'm having a...

I am about to be vague or some may see it as cryptic. I'll attempt to be brief. I'm just feeling a little flustered, confuses; possibly even bitter. Do most people think their mere presence equates to effort? I mean this is the most general way, but think about all facets of life, if you choose. A job, a relationship, even a marriage, a parent, a friend, even a tryst or an acquaintance. Have we become a society, a culture, where our presence is viewed as enough? Do we view just being present as enough?  Think of people you've been with over the past twenty-four hours? Did the person serving your morning coffee, maybe even your breakfast, act as if you were more than just a person standing in front of them. Did you accept them for more than doing their job? What if it was your child or parent or spouse? Do you see them or the routine? Does how they do it make a difference or is their doing it simply enough? Some work in a class, a cubicle or maybe a site. Everyone plays t...

Yes, it's true, some of us good guys immediately think of our mothers and sisters first. Maybe our wives and our daughters. Maybe simply friends.There is nothing wrong with that, but it works a lot better when you simply think of women as fellow human beings. Try it. I've seen the use of homosexuality used to explain it. Put yourself in the position of "How would you react if a someone of the same sex expected sex, because they bought you dinner, something nice or they were simply with you at the end of the night and wanted you?" That too works, in a sense. I've seen half jokes about not saying anything to a woman you wouldn't want said to you in prison. Once again feeding of homophobia, as if it that were OK. I've seen every argument other than try to be better. Own your faults. Apologize for your behaviors, especially when drunk. Explain your feelings and realize that when your fantasies become expectations, you've already crossed a line. Work on...

I've been up at least an hour. That's not to say I didn't sleep, but the Sun and I don't seem to mesh well as of late. My friend Swag, who has been quite the cuddle bud lately, decided to go sleep in the kitchen. Maybe it's me, but more than likely, he's as thrown off as I am. The children are back, and for the first time in nearly three months, my weekends have not been my own. The stress of this was not something I expected, but the peaceful moments, especially in the early morning are something I will miss. Will I be here come next spring or summer, when the house is mine?  I tend to think not, but then again, I have thought many things about my location in life and I've been wrong every time. Every time, since 2004. Not a single time was I correct. An odd thing for someone who strives to be "correct" as much as possible. There's a new stress in my life, but quite possibly a good stress. I'll keep it under wraps for now, because I have...

Arrived in Westchester donning a sheepskin jacket, Even back then I was causing a racket. You're not like us and we don't like you, Wonder how much more hate had they known Mom was a Jew. Lily white people, like the shell tops of my Adidas, Sitting in Math class, learning PMDAS. Off to White History, learning about this, that and the other, Could look for miles and couldn't see a brother. Spent thirty years blinding myself to the racism of friends, Social media arrives and many of those end. Eight years of hate, but not cause he's black, They feel so oppressed, but what is it they lack. Middle class whites, talking about their plight, Ignorance isn't acknowledged, they just want to fight. They bashed him for healthcare and his knowledge of the constitution, This isn't what they learned in the educational institutions. They see in a Trump, a great white hope, Ignoring the fact, he's a great big dope. They use every excuse for him, even accep...

Thanks to FOX News, we have the war on Christmas, White People, Christianity, Wealth, The Anthem, The Flag and everything else viewed as "American." Not reported in response, is the War on Intelligence. Thanks to social media, "Blah Blah Blah," "ZZZ" and "Whatever" have become legitimate responses to facts, research, history, science and the proper use of the English language (you know, the language those who despise intelligent thought want made official). In the not so distant past, a debate was ended when someone could give irrefutable evidence that the other party couldn't argue to the contrary. Now, simply being contrary is a debate tool. It's 2017, we have more people believing the Earth is flat, than we did two hundred years ago and we have just as many who believe the Sun revolves around the Earth as we do who believe dead people and illegal immigrants are voting against their candidates. The problem with this new found beli...

2017 continues to be the year I watched the least number of movies in a calendar year, I have watched a few series, but then again I've watched a few shorts, so I'm about 150 behind the norm this time of year. At about 140, I'm well over 100 movies behind last year's pace. Doesn't look to rebound much, with the baseball playoffs starting and my life in a bit of a tailspin as of late. Well here's the best, the worst, and the rest of the last two months Election - Johnnie To's triad film feels like a weak homage to Goodfellas and alike. The Spirit Of The Beehive - Second viewing and easily the most complex film I've ever seen. The Gospel According To St. Matthew - Biblical tour de force from Pasolini. Beautiful. The Devil's Candy - Solid acting and decent story gives way to horribly silly climax. Lifeboat - Re-watched. In my opinion, Hitchcock's greatest film. Strasek, de Vampir - Ode to Dreyer's Vampyr, it looks good in B&W, but f...