There will always be people who lie, cheat, and steal. They will succeed at times, if not most of the time, because we live in a society that looks at the bottom line. Success, no matter how it achieved, is revered. The struggle is not. I could point to a hundred stories that we deem a success story and in almost all of them, the person who struggled to assist, to motivate, or to simply care for the one who succeeds is either ignored or a footnote. This short blog is about those footnotes.
So many people have come before us and all have a story. Whether it be success or failure, our lives rarely fit nicely into the American Dream cliche of "hard work equals success." The hardest I've ever worked has returned almost no profit, financially or emotionally, while the easiest jobs I've had, have earned me respect. I think what we deem easy is given a negative connotation as something we slack off at, but that's simply not the case. Most of us who enjoy our jobs work just as hard as those who despise the job, probably harder, it's simply the fact that our enjoyment outweighs the struggle. The struggle, often made easier by those around us, either at work or when we get home. We weigh on those people and, for most of us, we hope they weigh on us equally, even if we know it not to be true.
In the past week, I've been shocked by some praise. I often deflect it onto someone else, at times, telling white lies about other people's efforts, to shield myself from appearing content in receiving the credit. It matters. It matters to most of us who care about ourselves, but not for the reason some might think. When we receive praise or are rewarded for our efforts, we intrinsically pay it forward. I know when I am rewarded with praise, I feel the need to thank others. On the rare times I'm rewarded financially, I always feel the need to pass some along to those who make me feel better when I am not at this level. A person simply referred to me as a friend recently, and despite being caught off guard, I couldn't see any reason why we weren't, I just never thought of the relationship in those termsn. Another was overwhelmed with emotion due to being grateful simply for my accountability. Shedding tears in front of someone you do not have a close relationship warrants a level of comfort and security. Again, caught off guard, but internally thankful that my approach to life is working.
This is not all about me. I owe a debt of gratitude to so many. My mother for everything. My brother for being there when I needed him most, knowing life doesn't always allow for payback. He assures me I was there for him before, but that was different. My friends, some much more than others, who made sure I had food to eat (and enjoy), that I had a place to stay, and that I had an ear to listen; always. I don't know where I'd be without one of them and while I usually have an abundance of words to describe my emotions, I get blocked. One because I don't deserve a friendship like this, but also because I feel some level of guilt, for mistakes past and present. I also have this sense that if not for the support of others, especially during the last four or five years, I wouldn't be here. I spend an inordinate amount of time alone and while it's something I am trying to change, monetary limitations make even the simple act of grabbing a bite and economic burden. I just wish I could pay it forward literally at times. I wish I could lift their burden as much as they've lifted mine. I want them to know that for the last four or five years, essentially ten percent of my life, I've lived with stress, even fear, and they've been my light. I'm used to being that person, so my words don't always reflect my appreciation, and I am sorry for this. I am trying to convey it to all of them, and even those, I simply owe a little.
I think what I wanted to say, but as usual, got a little lost, is that we all have value. Some of us are successes in our careers, in our relationships, in our personal endeavors, and in our friendships. Some in life in general. Others of us have pieces missing in this quest for perfection or should I say perfect contentment. I don't have the answers, but I do know the question I ask myself daily. How can we do for others, without compromising our own happiness, and how can we accept their gifts, without being selfish. It's complex and I don't think I'll ever know. We as a species, have evolved or devolved into self-serving beings. We want simplicity and ease, but we, as a community has changed in that we want to either do the most, while dealing with the fewest amount of people, or do the least, while not having to give credit or accept assistance from a large number. Many of us, who understand that life, unless "blessed" with good fortune, have to meet people halfway. We also know one party almost always, no, always goes more than halfway, while the other goes less, and we need to make sure that doesn't become a habit. Sometimes it does.
Our parents are the first people we see the value in and they teach us to see the value in ourselves, almost never asking for us to value them equally. Some of us will live our lives, never having parents who need to count on us. The majority of us will use the excuses of being busy or simply not being able to give to them what they gave to us. Some of us will never value others as we value ourselves and maybe that too is taught by their parents. Then there are some of us, who don't always show it, and those of us who don't always allow themselves, the much-deserved credit to see the value of us.
So many people have come before us and all have a story. Whether it be success or failure, our lives rarely fit nicely into the American Dream cliche of "hard work equals success." The hardest I've ever worked has returned almost no profit, financially or emotionally, while the easiest jobs I've had, have earned me respect. I think what we deem easy is given a negative connotation as something we slack off at, but that's simply not the case. Most of us who enjoy our jobs work just as hard as those who despise the job, probably harder, it's simply the fact that our enjoyment outweighs the struggle. The struggle, often made easier by those around us, either at work or when we get home. We weigh on those people and, for most of us, we hope they weigh on us equally, even if we know it not to be true.
In the past week, I've been shocked by some praise. I often deflect it onto someone else, at times, telling white lies about other people's efforts, to shield myself from appearing content in receiving the credit. It matters. It matters to most of us who care about ourselves, but not for the reason some might think. When we receive praise or are rewarded for our efforts, we intrinsically pay it forward. I know when I am rewarded with praise, I feel the need to thank others. On the rare times I'm rewarded financially, I always feel the need to pass some along to those who make me feel better when I am not at this level. A person simply referred to me as a friend recently, and despite being caught off guard, I couldn't see any reason why we weren't, I just never thought of the relationship in those termsn. Another was overwhelmed with emotion due to being grateful simply for my accountability. Shedding tears in front of someone you do not have a close relationship warrants a level of comfort and security. Again, caught off guard, but internally thankful that my approach to life is working.
This is not all about me. I owe a debt of gratitude to so many. My mother for everything. My brother for being there when I needed him most, knowing life doesn't always allow for payback. He assures me I was there for him before, but that was different. My friends, some much more than others, who made sure I had food to eat (and enjoy), that I had a place to stay, and that I had an ear to listen; always. I don't know where I'd be without one of them and while I usually have an abundance of words to describe my emotions, I get blocked. One because I don't deserve a friendship like this, but also because I feel some level of guilt, for mistakes past and present. I also have this sense that if not for the support of others, especially during the last four or five years, I wouldn't be here. I spend an inordinate amount of time alone and while it's something I am trying to change, monetary limitations make even the simple act of grabbing a bite and economic burden. I just wish I could pay it forward literally at times. I wish I could lift their burden as much as they've lifted mine. I want them to know that for the last four or five years, essentially ten percent of my life, I've lived with stress, even fear, and they've been my light. I'm used to being that person, so my words don't always reflect my appreciation, and I am sorry for this. I am trying to convey it to all of them, and even those, I simply owe a little.
I think what I wanted to say, but as usual, got a little lost, is that we all have value. Some of us are successes in our careers, in our relationships, in our personal endeavors, and in our friendships. Some in life in general. Others of us have pieces missing in this quest for perfection or should I say perfect contentment. I don't have the answers, but I do know the question I ask myself daily. How can we do for others, without compromising our own happiness, and how can we accept their gifts, without being selfish. It's complex and I don't think I'll ever know. We as a species, have evolved or devolved into self-serving beings. We want simplicity and ease, but we, as a community has changed in that we want to either do the most, while dealing with the fewest amount of people, or do the least, while not having to give credit or accept assistance from a large number. Many of us, who understand that life, unless "blessed" with good fortune, have to meet people halfway. We also know one party almost always, no, always goes more than halfway, while the other goes less, and we need to make sure that doesn't become a habit. Sometimes it does.
Our parents are the first people we see the value in and they teach us to see the value in ourselves, almost never asking for us to value them equally. Some of us will live our lives, never having parents who need to count on us. The majority of us will use the excuses of being busy or simply not being able to give to them what they gave to us. Some of us will never value others as we value ourselves and maybe that too is taught by their parents. Then there are some of us, who don't always show it, and those of us who don't always allow themselves, the much-deserved credit to see the value of us.
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