I am probably in a large majority of people who love their coffee. I find that most people like coffee, good or bad, but a few of us care. I used to go out and spend $8 a lb on the stuff, but living alone, despite the large quantities I consume, I have settled on Bustelo as my house blend. It's strong, a little bitter, but not like DD. I like it because it has flavor. Coffee flavor. Then I started to think about just how much I like it.
For a week I didn't have a coffee pot and times were very tough. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate, I basically couldn't function. I once went two years without a girlfriend and realized then that coffee was very important to me. This morning I awoke and thought about the pros and cons of each, so I made a mental list. To my surprise there was only one item on the cons list for coffee. Coffee Breath. That's why there is toothpaste and mints. There is no mint that can get the taste of a bad relationship out of your mouth. No that was not a sexual comment, it was a commentary on bad relationships.
As I like to do; let's break it down.
When you first wake up the aroma of fresh coffee brings a smile to your face and immediately starts your day off right. Then you roll over and the beauty that laid down next to last night now looks like Marilyn Manson on a three day bender. Good heavens if she's a mouth breather, because that coffee aroma will be drowned out by the meth lab smelling foghorn you were spooning all night. Advantage coffee.
Say you don't have a timer. So you rise from your bed hit the button once and within a few minutes your face is diving into a hot cup of Joe. Say your little lady is a morning person, it's gonna take a lot more hits to her button before your done and if you don't suffer from carpal tunnel by the end, chances are you'll be told you're doing it wrong or not there. With the coffee pot, you always hit the right spot. Coffee always reciprocates. Advantage coffee.
You can drive with your coffee and enjoy it just as much as if you were at home in bed. Enough said. Advantage coffee.
You get to work and you grab another cup. My job has the Keurig machine. Pop in the K-cup and within about 30 seconds you're on your second cup. That's the great thing about coffee. You can get it from any pot. Try having a relationship with more than one person and it's called cheating. Only coffee doesn't mind that you like variety. You want it white, black, tan, flavored, it's all good. Try explaining that one to a lady. Advantage coffee.
You wanna have coffee multiple times a day, go for it. Try getting that same attention and satisfaction from your little lady. Coffee never has a headache, never has to go out with the girls, never isn't in the mood. Coffee also works every day of the month. NO excuses! Advantage coffee.
Alcohol. You can put whiskey, rum, sambuca, Bailey's, flavored liquors, Brandy, basically anything into a cup of coffee and it makes it even better. Put any of these into the company you have and it's a crap shoot. You may get lucky or you may be cleaning up vomit for four hours. Coffee will take you home safely.
Coffee always ends a meal well. It's usually all I want for dessert. Big deal, what's another $2-3. But not your date. NO, she didn't take more than two bites of her salad, because the dressing isn't fat free. She barely touched her $40 entree, because it's just too much food. NO, but when it's time for the check, she all of the sudden wants the seven layer chocolate cake with ganache, truffles, and shaved chocolate from some unknown country in Argentina. Then she offers you a bite, no bigger than the size of a dime. And you know if you want some coffee when you get home, your getting it, but Jenny Craig over there doesn't feel like it because she's bloated. Two hours later she's watching Grey's Anatomy repeats with a tub of rocky road, explaining that she always eats when she's upset and McCrappy has three weeks to live. You sit down to hopefully check out Katherine Heigl's cleavage and are warned against criticizing the show. Coffee doesn't judge you and let's you voice your opinions freely. Advantage coffee.
Of course coffee can't scratch your back or rub your shoulders. Coffee can't tell you how nice you look or ask you how your day was. Coffee can't cook you dinner. Coffee can't make you laugh. Coffee can't put on some sexy lingerie and fulfill your sexual desires (seriously, three days in the ER proved this to me). Coffee can't be the mother of your child. No coffee has it's limitations. Coffee doesn't stress you out that you need a back rub. Coffee can't cook you dinner, but it also doesn't remind you it cooked you dinner and doesn't say "you don't like it" after every jaw-breaking bite. Coffee can't make you cry or bang your head against the wall either. Coffee won't put on that lingerie, but also won't ask you if it looks fat. Coffee also doesn't care if you noticed it changed a little. Coffee can't give you a kid, but at 6am, coffee is a lot more soothing than a screaming child. Coffee won't pee on you. Advantage coffee.
It isn't even close. We can all live without a significant other, but we can't live without coffee. God bless quiet mornings and something that will always be there for you.
For a week I didn't have a coffee pot and times were very tough. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate, I basically couldn't function. I once went two years without a girlfriend and realized then that coffee was very important to me. This morning I awoke and thought about the pros and cons of each, so I made a mental list. To my surprise there was only one item on the cons list for coffee. Coffee Breath. That's why there is toothpaste and mints. There is no mint that can get the taste of a bad relationship out of your mouth. No that was not a sexual comment, it was a commentary on bad relationships.
As I like to do; let's break it down.
When you first wake up the aroma of fresh coffee brings a smile to your face and immediately starts your day off right. Then you roll over and the beauty that laid down next to last night now looks like Marilyn Manson on a three day bender. Good heavens if she's a mouth breather, because that coffee aroma will be drowned out by the meth lab smelling foghorn you were spooning all night. Advantage coffee.
Say you don't have a timer. So you rise from your bed hit the button once and within a few minutes your face is diving into a hot cup of Joe. Say your little lady is a morning person, it's gonna take a lot more hits to her button before your done and if you don't suffer from carpal tunnel by the end, chances are you'll be told you're doing it wrong or not there. With the coffee pot, you always hit the right spot. Coffee always reciprocates. Advantage coffee.
You can drive with your coffee and enjoy it just as much as if you were at home in bed. Enough said. Advantage coffee.
You get to work and you grab another cup. My job has the Keurig machine. Pop in the K-cup and within about 30 seconds you're on your second cup. That's the great thing about coffee. You can get it from any pot. Try having a relationship with more than one person and it's called cheating. Only coffee doesn't mind that you like variety. You want it white, black, tan, flavored, it's all good. Try explaining that one to a lady. Advantage coffee.
You wanna have coffee multiple times a day, go for it. Try getting that same attention and satisfaction from your little lady. Coffee never has a headache, never has to go out with the girls, never isn't in the mood. Coffee also works every day of the month. NO excuses! Advantage coffee.
Alcohol. You can put whiskey, rum, sambuca, Bailey's, flavored liquors, Brandy, basically anything into a cup of coffee and it makes it even better. Put any of these into the company you have and it's a crap shoot. You may get lucky or you may be cleaning up vomit for four hours. Coffee will take you home safely.
Coffee always ends a meal well. It's usually all I want for dessert. Big deal, what's another $2-3. But not your date. NO, she didn't take more than two bites of her salad, because the dressing isn't fat free. She barely touched her $40 entree, because it's just too much food. NO, but when it's time for the check, she all of the sudden wants the seven layer chocolate cake with ganache, truffles, and shaved chocolate from some unknown country in Argentina. Then she offers you a bite, no bigger than the size of a dime. And you know if you want some coffee when you get home, your getting it, but Jenny Craig over there doesn't feel like it because she's bloated. Two hours later she's watching Grey's Anatomy repeats with a tub of rocky road, explaining that she always eats when she's upset and McCrappy has three weeks to live. You sit down to hopefully check out Katherine Heigl's cleavage and are warned against criticizing the show. Coffee doesn't judge you and let's you voice your opinions freely. Advantage coffee.
Of course coffee can't scratch your back or rub your shoulders. Coffee can't tell you how nice you look or ask you how your day was. Coffee can't cook you dinner. Coffee can't make you laugh. Coffee can't put on some sexy lingerie and fulfill your sexual desires (seriously, three days in the ER proved this to me). Coffee can't be the mother of your child. No coffee has it's limitations. Coffee doesn't stress you out that you need a back rub. Coffee can't cook you dinner, but it also doesn't remind you it cooked you dinner and doesn't say "you don't like it" after every jaw-breaking bite. Coffee can't make you cry or bang your head against the wall either. Coffee won't put on that lingerie, but also won't ask you if it looks fat. Coffee also doesn't care if you noticed it changed a little. Coffee can't give you a kid, but at 6am, coffee is a lot more soothing than a screaming child. Coffee won't pee on you. Advantage coffee.
It isn't even close. We can all live without a significant other, but we can't live without coffee. God bless quiet mornings and something that will always be there for you.
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