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14 Minutes In Scarsdale Village

Today while going to the bank, I had trouble finding a spot. Normally this would drive someone to drink, but I already had a cold forty in between my legs, so I was ahead of the game.  What this little inconvenience did was allow me to see the creatures in their natural setting.  The sights were incredible today.  And it made me come to certain conclusions about my favorite little village. 

OK, if you're forty and wear riding boots with riding pants, you're obviously privileged enough to go horseback riding.  If you wear them with jeans, you're a whore.  Either way, you'll probably stick with Christopher Reeves for the money.

Do Scarsdale High School girls realize that rolling your already tiny shorts up and wearing a skimpy see through white top does not allow you to walk across the street without looking?

Why is it that the nicer the car a woman from Scarsdale comes out of the uglier she is.  The correlation is almost always true.

What other town is it OK to take the shopping cart with you groceries and walk three blocks from the Supermarket?  DeCicco's even has a guy who goes around hunting these things down.  I want this job!

How many freaking tennis courts are there in Scarsdale that so many women have tennis skirts on?  I'm not complaining, but when I know there are shorts under there, it just ruins my fantasy.  Can you change before you get your watch fixed at Wilson and Sons?

Do people from Scarsdale sweat?  It's like the fucking Stepford Wives.

10 mph is not acceptable anywhere, so why is that speeding in the village?

That is one white town.  Seriously, I think they cut down the big tree in front of the bank because the shade was too dark.

Does that meter guy ever take a day off?  I swear he can hear the time run out from a block away.

I think the average female between the ages of 15-25 from Scarsdale spends one hour a day at Lange's Deli's outdoor eating area.  The older bitches go to Chat!

Finally, and I do apologize for making you feel uncomfortable with my creepy stare, but I'm sorry.  If you see a fine looking woman coming out of a place called Completely Bare, you can't help but stare at their crotch.  It's fucking involuntary!

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