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Terms: Am I Really Getting That Old?

Texting and instant messaging have taken over the world.  People now text, instant message and e-mail more than they talk.  Talking seems so passe.  Even I am guilty of this. I find it's easier to get an answer from a text than to ask someone, because it cuts to the chase.  I don't have to hear about their day, their wife and kids or the odd growth that has appeared on their under carriage.  Texting has made life simple, but it's also skewed the way we look at some terms.

Remember the good old days when the word WHATEVER was not a sufficient answer? It still isn't but I'll be damned if it isn't the answer to every question for teenagers.  If I ever said whatever as an answer to one of my parents questions, I'd be whacked in the head. It's a not so polite way of saying, fuck you and fuck off.  It's not an answer, ever.

BTW aka By The Way.  It's an IM staple and a phrase I use way too much.  I use this phrase more often than I use shampoo.  I use it in speech, in text and in E-mails.  I use it so much, I start conversations with it.  It's become a joke to some friends, because I use it so often.  And usually, it's used in connection with some bad news. So when you think I'm done talking and you hear BTW...run!

CUL8R - See you later.  WTF is this you lazy wanker?  WTF is the only acceptable way to say fuck without sounding rude. People write WTF like it's their job. I see more WTF's on Facebook than I see faces. It has become America's slogan. 

ATM - this used to be Automated Teller Machine, but now it's become a sexual situation which some bizarre people take great pride in having achieved.  If you don't know what it is, it's probably is for the best.

Tan - this used to be something you did by laying in the sun for hours on end.  Now it's done by laying in a machine for ten minutes or spraying on yourself.  Has anyone ever noticed that the color achieved by spray tan and the color of cheez whiz is eerily similar?  Makes me want to eat Snooki on a Ritz cracker.

Bitches - this term used to get you chased down the street in fear of getting a heel embedded in your skull.  Now it's an affectionate term for a girl's girlfriends.

Tap - when I was young this was the thing that water came out of.  As I got older, beer came out of it.  Now it's a derogatory term for having sex.  And for the most part, you don't want to drink after that's been tapped.

Cell - Ah, looking under a microscope as a child you learned all about the cells that make up the body.  Remember taking the cotton swab and running on the inside of your cheek and then looking at the weird things crawling around?  Now it's a fucking phone.

Digits - used to be my fingers and toes, but now it's a phone number.  Is everything about the phone now?

And finally...Two Girls One Cup.  This used to be the cute picture of two friends sharing ice cream.  Now it's an Internet sensation that nobody should ever have to see. Twice!

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