Skip to main content

Long Car Rides

Wednesday I took close to a four hour car ride and a lot of things dawned on me during this trek.  Below are a list of things that I figured out on the way.

1.  Being alone in a car is by far the best time to be alone. 
2.  Nobody ever comments on your singing ability while driving...I was singing Saw Red by Sublime w/Gwen Stefani at the top of my lungs.  Followed by Dream Boy/Dream Girl by Cynthia and Johnny O (I think), and finally What's My Age Again by Blink 182.   Which made me wonder.  Is there a better verse in a song than "I called up your mom, said I was the cops, your husbands in jail, the state looks down on sodomy."
3.  State Troopers are lovely human beings.  I passed four on the way.  Doing 72 in a 55, doing 74 in a 55, doing 82 in a 65 and doing 70 in a 55.  Only once did they pull out, but some jackass blew by me and they went after him instead.  Phew!
4.  Old people really like driving.  The average age of he people I saw driving was about 70.
5. How many fucking McDonald's are there?
6. Is there a Cracker Barrel anywhere in the country that is in a community and not seconds from a major highway?  This needs to happen...in Eastchester!  I loves me some Cracker Barrel.  Chicken Fried Steak with fried okra!
7. I could have drove the whole way with no pants and nobody would have cared.
8. I went to a Mickey D's drive-thru that had two windows.  One to pay and one to pick up the food.  While silly, I can't help but appreciate that they care about our economy.  This easily could have been done by one person.
9.  Ever notice how it's always spelled drive-thru?  Says something about America doesn't it.
10.  Driving a tractor trailer has to be a pretty cool job.  Especially if you have a really annoying family.
11.  Is there anything harder than driving on the parkway for three hours at about 80 MPH and then getting to the town you're visiting and having to slow down to the town speed limit?
12. Visiting a college town in the winter kinda sucks.  Spring....whole other story.
13. Cruise control might be the worst invention ever.  Nothing like making something for long trips that makes you forget you're driving.
14. Going away always makes me forget anything about where I just left.  Fucking non-stop texts helps me remind me.
15. Changing CD's and eating is definitely more dangerous than talking on a cell phone.  Unless of course you're a female.
16. Remember playing punch buggie when you were a kid?  You do.   Damn you're old.
17.  My new game is "count the dead animals."  I saw about 18 on my way up.
18.  I'm pausing this list, because I just overheard my 98 year old grandmother ask her aid if she's 40.  The aid replied "I'll be 29 soon."  Ouch!  It must be nice to reach an age you can say anything without repercussions.
19.  Being alone in your thoughts is wonderful....unless you have thoughts like mine.  Is it wrong I drive by rest stops and drive thrus and wonder if the people would fit in my trunk?
20.  Sometimes I like you drive right next to people for about a mile and then look over, smile and give them a thumbs up.  Usually their response tells me I'm one finger away from being number one.
21.  I always laugh when I see traffic on the other side of the road and think to myself "who would go up there last week?"
22.  What do you think would happen if I wore a Burger King King mask and pulled up next to troopers and handed them a Whopper?
23.  To me the best thing about going away is knowing for that number of days I'm going to eat well.  No matter where I go. 
24.  I love stopping at gas stations when it's cold and people see me in shorts and think I'm from Florida.  When I say I'm from NY they look puzzled.  Then I say "what's the temperature in your house with the heat on?"  They say "it's about 68-70!"  I say, "what's the temperature in people's houses in Florida with the A/C on?"  They say "about 68-70?"  Then I pour gas on them and call them stupid.
25.  Does anyone else drive alone and think about the road trip games you used to make your parents play? What annoying fucking kids we were.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

White Privilege

This was a post I wrote on Facebook after surprisingly not seeing any moaning about the Documentary by Jose Antonio Vargas, titled White People Dayyum! I just scrolled my timeline and not a single white person got their feelings hurt by White People. I unfortunately haven't seen it, but the number of fake accounts that popped up on twitter, tells me it was a damn good show. Here's the thing. If someone of color aka non-white says "White Privilege," are you offended? If you said yes, then you are exhibiting white privilege. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or study, how you stayed out of trouble, because here's the thing, that is entirely the point. Somewhere out there, there are 100 Black, Spanish, Native American, Arab, Asian, who worked and studied as hard as you and never got in trouble, but they don't have what you "earned" or achieved. Stop looking at the one person you know who isn't white that achieved as your benchmark. Loo...

Quickie Review - Finding Vivian Maier

While I thoroughly enjoyed the film, especially the first 15-20 minutes, I was a little bothered by the way the film played out. The interviews with the clearly disturbed brother, sister and the mother, who obviously, was in for a cut, didn't need to be in the film. Then the woman who suggested abuse, yet seemed to have her life defined by Maier, as she tried to muster every ounce of emotion and fake guilt. Her friend, more than happy to be party of the charade. People who talk about abuse for the first time, usually don't do so on camera. The fact these scenes were so prominent, shows that they felt wronged that they were not rewarded. Maloof on the other hand, seems to disappear from the documentary during this part, almost hiding away from the fact, he went from complete praise, to even making money off of her, to destroying her personal legacy. He almost mentions the family of boys taking care of her rent, as an afterthought. Her burial spot, never shown, yet a video of her...

If You Listen To One Speech - Lana Wachowski

http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/videos/lana-wachowski-opens-up-about-difficult-past-and-attempted-suicide-20121024 Today I saw a link to a video for a speech by Lana Wachowski.  The last name rung a bell, but I could't put my finger on it. Lana, used to be Larry, one of the writer, director, producers of the Matrix trilogy, V for Vendetta and the upcoming Cloud Atlas.  Lana is transgendered and has "come out" as a woman.  She was being honored by the Human Rights Campaign. I didn't know what to expect when this broad woman with crazy hair and a raspy voice began to speak.  She began with the usual pleasantries and told of her hair dresser. She then tells of her desire to be a quiet person and how hard the success of the Matrix movies made this.  The first ten minutes is telling of how she's not quite ready to be this spokesperson.  Then she speaks about the new movie Cloud Atlas and reveals the heart of the movie and this speech. She states,"The resp...