Well, the tough times have hit in 2011. In 2009, I had my heart broken, probably Karma kicking me in the nuts, but I can't be sure. For me, Karma was always a Spanish girl who couldn't spell Carmen. Looking back, the first girl I ever kissed was named Karma or was it Carmen? She was four years older than me and much more experienced. Where was I going with this?
2010 sucked for the most part, with the exception of making some wonderful new friends, but 2011 has truly sucked. First off, I quit my main job. Not the smartest decision in this economic environment, but change doesn't happen by itself. Then my car died and the IRS zapped my accounts. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know the current moment is filled with uncertainty and anxiety. I may go back in a limited capacity, but that is still up in the air. For now, I'm living off a six hour a week (most weeks) job that ends in May. Anyone looking to hire an intelligent, stubborn individual, who is somewhat conceited for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact I can for the most part do in 5 minutes what takes others hours? Didn't think so....and I'm fine with anyone who wishes to insert their own sexual joke right here (....).
The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Catching up on sleep was first on my agenda. The stress-free lifestyle was working wonders, until the money ran out and that's when the stress came back. This happened faster than I had planned, with special thanks to the IRS. It has dawned on me that I live in a country with promises of great potential, should you happen to be born into it. Or step in shit. Very few, and I mean a small handful, have actually become what they are due to hard work. Those generations that preceded us might have come across their riches from hard work, but there wasn't a talent pool willing to work for pennies on the dollar at the same job. I respect those people, but they need to shut the fuck up. Times are different now. When minimum wage was $4, gas was a buck. Now it's $8 and gas is $4. Not the same thing. Once again, my past month turns into social commentary. Just wait, it's about to get religious too.
Well, I've become more and more confused about how the human psyche works. It seems to me, my ability to meet single (and by single I do not mean unhappily married or just dating) women. I don't know where these women convene, but I know it's not where I dwell. I'm starting to get lonely. Sure I have friends, but they have their own problems. I need someone equally as fucked in the head as I am to share in our misery. Surely Match.com or eHarmony doesn't promote such unions. Why would they? Why would anyone want to bring two lost souls together? It doesn't make for a good commercial. Somewhere out there is my soul mate, although chances are she's on a bridge or a warm bath right now. That isn't an option for me. I want to spread joy, while crying on the inside. Seems like it's my birthright.
I shouldn't complain. I'm not starving yet. I've got shelter. I'm educated and I do have a family core that loves me. Maslow would argue that I've pretty much got it going on. Although I doubt he'd phrase it in such a way. I just have to get to the self actualization part. If you have read this part and don't know what I am talking about. Look it up, because it's about the only valuable thing I learned in school. Maslow is my god!
Late February is always a blah time of year. Football is over, baseball is on the horizon and college basketball is running, but not in all it's March glory. Oh yeah, and clouds seem to linger longer than the drunk at the end of the bar. Yes, I know I resemble that remark on occasion. I will have some time to wait, but will I enjoy March like other years. Will my days and nights be filled with three pointers and cold drinks, or will the days be filled with microwave popcorn and the cold bare walls that so often surround me?
I don't want to make it sound like all is bad. I've had good times the last few weeks. Usually there is a need for someone to remind me of such events. I've also lost weight over the last few months and the constant reminder of it is pleasing, although to be honest, it brings to light what people previously thought, in their minds. The world doesn't like heavy people. Unless, of course, they are on TV or movie. I'll still try to lose weight and get into better shape. I need to. I need to live long enough to where something wonderful in my life happens. I might give up on a car and go green. Maybe a bicycle. I can't see myself on a Segway!
In all, I'm a little down right now. My life is a little out of control and there is no quick fix unless a dollar and a dream pans out. I don't even play the lottery, so this isn't an option. I guess somewhere along the line some luck might play a part, but I really don't believe in luck. I believe in divine intervention. Not the kind where a God decided your fate, but I believe that those who have done nothing to deserve any good find great riches, while those who have suffered will continue to, until they do something awful, to put them in a position to fulfill some sick prophecy. Doesn't all the unjust in the world, the wars, the weather disasters, the hunger, the homelessness, the illiteracy. Doesn't this make anyone question why CEOs are getting millions of dollars for putting their feet up and playing golf, while losing our middle and lower class's money? Doesn't it seem like the garden of Eden's main character wasn't Adam or Eve, but the serpent? Doesn't it seem like all the angels who were banished from Heaven have decided to reside in our world, the entire time raping and pillaging? How does one listen to Ghadafi and see a man made in God's image? Maybe we should do what we always do and skew the facts. Maybe we should just call Merriam Webster and have them change the definition of omnipotent to "rolling the dice with hopes for something good." Or Maybe, we as mankind, could start caring about others before ourselves. I don't have the answers, but I do at least have the questions. I don't walk blindly through this world, blanketing truth with what others call faith. I question everything and as of yet, have yet to find satisfying answers. Not even one.
I'm not trying to bash other's beliefs, but I just find it odd that all the people who I've met who are genuinely good in this world have died of cancer, of AIDS, or in accidents, or at the very least work their fingers to the bone to just make ends meat, while those who wear the mask of good, but aren't, have lived fruitful lives. There are those who brag about their inadequacies and their gains, while those who have devoted their lives to a higher cause, live paycheck to paycheck. There are the teachers who slave 12 hours a day, just so one child can get up to snuff, while others are home before their students, letting most slip through the cracks, enjoying their paychecks much more than those who put forth the effort. There are those born into fortune that complain it wasn't their goal, while those who struggle week by week to make someone else money. Would a just God allow this? A just person wouldn't, so why believe in a deity who has created such unjust?
Maybe it's not about God. Maybe it's about us. Maybe it's about survival of the fittest. When the weak gazelle goes for water in the wild, it is attacked and eaten by lions. The more fit gazelles run and care only for their safety. Maybe we are just animals with iPods? I've seen people beaten in the street while people watch. I've seen car accidents and people drive by, never giving help, but taking their time to gawk. I've seen children, young children, tease others with obvious disabilities. This isn't learned, it is taught. There is some hope. There are those few who, to paraphrase the song, teach their children well. They are in a minority, but maybe one day, they will be the fittest, banding together to squash those who care merely about themselves. Banding together to form a tight knit group. Nah, I read Lord of the Flies and I know human nature. We will always be, in general, a self centered people. We will strive to provide for ourselves, regardless of the repercussions it might hold for others. It's our way. Our nature. And if you read any of the "good" books, it's our faith.
2010 sucked for the most part, with the exception of making some wonderful new friends, but 2011 has truly sucked. First off, I quit my main job. Not the smartest decision in this economic environment, but change doesn't happen by itself. Then my car died and the IRS zapped my accounts. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know the current moment is filled with uncertainty and anxiety. I may go back in a limited capacity, but that is still up in the air. For now, I'm living off a six hour a week (most weeks) job that ends in May. Anyone looking to hire an intelligent, stubborn individual, who is somewhat conceited for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact I can for the most part do in 5 minutes what takes others hours? Didn't think so....and I'm fine with anyone who wishes to insert their own sexual joke right here (....).
The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Catching up on sleep was first on my agenda. The stress-free lifestyle was working wonders, until the money ran out and that's when the stress came back. This happened faster than I had planned, with special thanks to the IRS. It has dawned on me that I live in a country with promises of great potential, should you happen to be born into it. Or step in shit. Very few, and I mean a small handful, have actually become what they are due to hard work. Those generations that preceded us might have come across their riches from hard work, but there wasn't a talent pool willing to work for pennies on the dollar at the same job. I respect those people, but they need to shut the fuck up. Times are different now. When minimum wage was $4, gas was a buck. Now it's $8 and gas is $4. Not the same thing. Once again, my past month turns into social commentary. Just wait, it's about to get religious too.
Well, I've become more and more confused about how the human psyche works. It seems to me, my ability to meet single (and by single I do not mean unhappily married or just dating) women. I don't know where these women convene, but I know it's not where I dwell. I'm starting to get lonely. Sure I have friends, but they have their own problems. I need someone equally as fucked in the head as I am to share in our misery. Surely Match.com or eHarmony doesn't promote such unions. Why would they? Why would anyone want to bring two lost souls together? It doesn't make for a good commercial. Somewhere out there is my soul mate, although chances are she's on a bridge or a warm bath right now. That isn't an option for me. I want to spread joy, while crying on the inside. Seems like it's my birthright.
I shouldn't complain. I'm not starving yet. I've got shelter. I'm educated and I do have a family core that loves me. Maslow would argue that I've pretty much got it going on. Although I doubt he'd phrase it in such a way. I just have to get to the self actualization part. If you have read this part and don't know what I am talking about. Look it up, because it's about the only valuable thing I learned in school. Maslow is my god!
Late February is always a blah time of year. Football is over, baseball is on the horizon and college basketball is running, but not in all it's March glory. Oh yeah, and clouds seem to linger longer than the drunk at the end of the bar. Yes, I know I resemble that remark on occasion. I will have some time to wait, but will I enjoy March like other years. Will my days and nights be filled with three pointers and cold drinks, or will the days be filled with microwave popcorn and the cold bare walls that so often surround me?
I don't want to make it sound like all is bad. I've had good times the last few weeks. Usually there is a need for someone to remind me of such events. I've also lost weight over the last few months and the constant reminder of it is pleasing, although to be honest, it brings to light what people previously thought, in their minds. The world doesn't like heavy people. Unless, of course, they are on TV or movie. I'll still try to lose weight and get into better shape. I need to. I need to live long enough to where something wonderful in my life happens. I might give up on a car and go green. Maybe a bicycle. I can't see myself on a Segway!
In all, I'm a little down right now. My life is a little out of control and there is no quick fix unless a dollar and a dream pans out. I don't even play the lottery, so this isn't an option. I guess somewhere along the line some luck might play a part, but I really don't believe in luck. I believe in divine intervention. Not the kind where a God decided your fate, but I believe that those who have done nothing to deserve any good find great riches, while those who have suffered will continue to, until they do something awful, to put them in a position to fulfill some sick prophecy. Doesn't all the unjust in the world, the wars, the weather disasters, the hunger, the homelessness, the illiteracy. Doesn't this make anyone question why CEOs are getting millions of dollars for putting their feet up and playing golf, while losing our middle and lower class's money? Doesn't it seem like the garden of Eden's main character wasn't Adam or Eve, but the serpent? Doesn't it seem like all the angels who were banished from Heaven have decided to reside in our world, the entire time raping and pillaging? How does one listen to Ghadafi and see a man made in God's image? Maybe we should do what we always do and skew the facts. Maybe we should just call Merriam Webster and have them change the definition of omnipotent to "rolling the dice with hopes for something good." Or Maybe, we as mankind, could start caring about others before ourselves. I don't have the answers, but I do at least have the questions. I don't walk blindly through this world, blanketing truth with what others call faith. I question everything and as of yet, have yet to find satisfying answers. Not even one.
I'm not trying to bash other's beliefs, but I just find it odd that all the people who I've met who are genuinely good in this world have died of cancer, of AIDS, or in accidents, or at the very least work their fingers to the bone to just make ends meat, while those who wear the mask of good, but aren't, have lived fruitful lives. There are those who brag about their inadequacies and their gains, while those who have devoted their lives to a higher cause, live paycheck to paycheck. There are the teachers who slave 12 hours a day, just so one child can get up to snuff, while others are home before their students, letting most slip through the cracks, enjoying their paychecks much more than those who put forth the effort. There are those born into fortune that complain it wasn't their goal, while those who struggle week by week to make someone else money. Would a just God allow this? A just person wouldn't, so why believe in a deity who has created such unjust?
Maybe it's not about God. Maybe it's about us. Maybe it's about survival of the fittest. When the weak gazelle goes for water in the wild, it is attacked and eaten by lions. The more fit gazelles run and care only for their safety. Maybe we are just animals with iPods? I've seen people beaten in the street while people watch. I've seen car accidents and people drive by, never giving help, but taking their time to gawk. I've seen children, young children, tease others with obvious disabilities. This isn't learned, it is taught. There is some hope. There are those few who, to paraphrase the song, teach their children well. They are in a minority, but maybe one day, they will be the fittest, banding together to squash those who care merely about themselves. Banding together to form a tight knit group. Nah, I read Lord of the Flies and I know human nature. We will always be, in general, a self centered people. We will strive to provide for ourselves, regardless of the repercussions it might hold for others. It's our way. Our nature. And if you read any of the "good" books, it's our faith.
The more fit gazelles run and care only for their safety.
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