Thankfully about seven people read this, so I'm not going to get too much shit for this. I've spent almost three weeks at my father's house in Ithaca with he and my grandmother. It's been a fun time and somewhat reflective time in my life. Even though my grandmother is much older and my father is the person I've always known him to be, there are those little quirks that they both share that I've picked up on. I'm sure there are some quirks he has that I have, but I find certain things are the exact opposite, which I doubt is a coincidence. As the days have rolled by, I've thought about the lessons and the things we did that made me the person I am today. Now not everything in my life has been positive and not every positive thing was gained by my parents teaching, but many of my inner values are from experiences in my life. Here are some
I said this before, but when your child is of learning age, especially the mid-grade school years of 4th and 5th grade, I think every parent should buy they child a dictionary. I know the Internet has everything, but a dictionary not only makes your child look it up, it makes sure they can spell the word on their own and very often gives alternate meaning that aren't online. Not to mention, despite what you may thing, it takes much less time to look it up in a dictionary.
Probably the most important thing, whether you're a couple or a single parent is to eat dinner with your children and talk. No TV! Tell them of your day and listen to theirs. Listen to their happiness, their sadness, their highs and their lows. Tell them mostly about the good parts of your day while you eat. Sure you can relay stories of down times, but keep them to a minimum. Let them grow up with the hope that they can be happy. My parents had financial difficulties all through my growing up and sure they argued, but rarely at the dinner table. This was family time. Don't rush through these meals either.
Make sure they eat their dinner and not just the part they like. Serve them a variety of things, not just what's easy. Make them eat things like vegetables, but experiment to see what they like. My parents were brutal about it and now I not only like a wide variety of food, but I appreciate them. Make sure they understand the meal they have isn't to be taken for granted and that there are many kids who don't have food. Ask them to imagine going to school without breakfast or having dinner the night before. Listen to their answers. And for the love of god, I can bread and cook chicken cutlets faster than any parent can heat those funny ones cut into shapes in the oven. Oh you're microwaving them....you're going to hell and your kids will be unhealthy.
Please for the love of god, stop buying all those damn DVD's. They are not a substitute for human interaction and you'd be surprised how detrimental those things can be in the long run for them socially. Elmo might teach a lesson about counting, but after the second or third time all they are getting is a puppet and rote memory. They haven't learned anything. This not only hampers their learning, but I believe because of wonderful memory, many parents miss signs of possible learning disabilities, because they think watching The Wiggles eighty times in a month and being able to remember the words is a sign of genius. Every time a kid says "bottle" parents think their kids are the next coming of Isaac Newton, when in reality, it's them who have been saying bottle 400 times a day for the last week. Of course they are going to say bottle. Why do you think in the 60's and 70's every kids first word was Mama? It's not because they shot them out their vijayjay or because they breast fed them, it's because they hovered over them saying "say mama, mama, maaaamaaa" all day. You put a kid in a room every day for the first six months of his life listening to Danzig and he's going to say Mother too. It's not that he's building a rocket in his head.
Stop talking in baby voices after they stop being babies. It's not only detrimental, but it also makes them feel you're mad at them when you speak in a grown up voice. This is pretty cut and dry. Not only is it not helping them, but it makes all the people who already know this factoid a little uncomfortable. Trust me parents, if you do this, when you put your kids to sleep, we all discuss it outside by the campfire.
When I grew up, I was a damn good athlete. I was good at baseball, basketball, football, tennis and a lot of other sports. You know how many youth leagues I was part of? NONE! I was a great swimmer and diver. You know how I learned? By jumping in the water. Sure I had swimming lessons, but that was only because they made us take a stupid test so we could swim in the deep end. Anyone can teach their kid to swim or throw a ball, they just have to be there. I gained a lot more from my mother and father saying "good job" than I would have from any coach. Of course not everyone can teach a sport, but you can lay the groundwork. Your kids will thank you.
If you're a parent who watches every mindless reality show and game show and you're kids see this, they will follow. You'd be amazed at what kids learn just from observation. If you smoke, they will most likely smoke. If you drink and fall down, they will probably drink and fall down. Don't try blaming it on genetics. These are all choices. Limit TV and computer time and play board games and go on simple trips (the zoo, museums, etc). I remember when I was younger and we'd be on vacation. My parents would take me to museums, famous locations or maybe some little town where something interesting happened. If they didn't know they'd make sure we found out information about what we were seeing. Everything when you're little is a learning experience.
If your kids are old enough, let them watch the news with you, especially when something historic is happening. You might not like what's going on with gay marriage, but it's here to stay, so don't shun your children from it. Some people didn't like the election of a black president, but they are going to learn about it anyway, so open their eyes to it. There is violence and hostility and awful things in this world. Not letting them see it will only make adjustments later more difficult. There are pedophiles and killers in the world and chances are they aren't the gay people down the street or the ethnic couple. Chances are it's the quiet white kid who doesn't seem to like bugs very much. Open your child's eyes to the good and the bad.
I could go on and on, but I'm going to end with this. Don't assume your child is getting what they need in school to be intelligent. They may get what they need to be successful, but is that enough? I know a lot of people who are "successful" who are dumber than doorknobs. Is that truly a success? I have so many friends who are elementary school teacher and almost as many who are high school teachers. They all tell me how smart their students are, they all tell me how well they did in their tests. They tell me how their school did this and that on the state exams. They brag about SAT scores. It's wonderful to hear. I also happen to know a few college professors and whether they teach at a community college or an Ivy league school, they all say the same thing. Students today are less prepared and across the board less intelligent than ever before. Many of them tell me that if it weren't for the institutions pushing the use of multiple choice exams, none of these kids would pass. It's a truly sad commentary and honestly, I don't blame the teachers one bit. They are told to make sure kids pass. To make sure they pass regents and state exams and that they get a decent score on the SAT. The one thing they aren't told is to make your kid intelligent. That is entirely up to you as a parent and your children. Teach them well and they will succeed. I learned absolutely nothing in school from 9th-12th grade and almost nothing in college, but I can hold my own on almost any topic there is. Other than quantum physics, marine biology and women. I always get those three confused.
I know a parent or teacher will say "there goes Hopper, thinking he knows everything." I don't know everything, but when I talk to kids today and they don't know anything, I pretty much know what to expect when I meet their parents. Sadly, I'm always right. Everything about our inner workings starts and ends at home. And let me be very clear. It's not an easy job. That's why the plan is for there to be two of you.
I said this before, but when your child is of learning age, especially the mid-grade school years of 4th and 5th grade, I think every parent should buy they child a dictionary. I know the Internet has everything, but a dictionary not only makes your child look it up, it makes sure they can spell the word on their own and very often gives alternate meaning that aren't online. Not to mention, despite what you may thing, it takes much less time to look it up in a dictionary.
Probably the most important thing, whether you're a couple or a single parent is to eat dinner with your children and talk. No TV! Tell them of your day and listen to theirs. Listen to their happiness, their sadness, their highs and their lows. Tell them mostly about the good parts of your day while you eat. Sure you can relay stories of down times, but keep them to a minimum. Let them grow up with the hope that they can be happy. My parents had financial difficulties all through my growing up and sure they argued, but rarely at the dinner table. This was family time. Don't rush through these meals either.
Make sure they eat their dinner and not just the part they like. Serve them a variety of things, not just what's easy. Make them eat things like vegetables, but experiment to see what they like. My parents were brutal about it and now I not only like a wide variety of food, but I appreciate them. Make sure they understand the meal they have isn't to be taken for granted and that there are many kids who don't have food. Ask them to imagine going to school without breakfast or having dinner the night before. Listen to their answers. And for the love of god, I can bread and cook chicken cutlets faster than any parent can heat those funny ones cut into shapes in the oven. Oh you're microwaving them....you're going to hell and your kids will be unhealthy.
Please for the love of god, stop buying all those damn DVD's. They are not a substitute for human interaction and you'd be surprised how detrimental those things can be in the long run for them socially. Elmo might teach a lesson about counting, but after the second or third time all they are getting is a puppet and rote memory. They haven't learned anything. This not only hampers their learning, but I believe because of wonderful memory, many parents miss signs of possible learning disabilities, because they think watching The Wiggles eighty times in a month and being able to remember the words is a sign of genius. Every time a kid says "bottle" parents think their kids are the next coming of Isaac Newton, when in reality, it's them who have been saying bottle 400 times a day for the last week. Of course they are going to say bottle. Why do you think in the 60's and 70's every kids first word was Mama? It's not because they shot them out their vijayjay or because they breast fed them, it's because they hovered over them saying "say mama, mama, maaaamaaa" all day. You put a kid in a room every day for the first six months of his life listening to Danzig and he's going to say Mother too. It's not that he's building a rocket in his head.
Stop talking in baby voices after they stop being babies. It's not only detrimental, but it also makes them feel you're mad at them when you speak in a grown up voice. This is pretty cut and dry. Not only is it not helping them, but it makes all the people who already know this factoid a little uncomfortable. Trust me parents, if you do this, when you put your kids to sleep, we all discuss it outside by the campfire.
When I grew up, I was a damn good athlete. I was good at baseball, basketball, football, tennis and a lot of other sports. You know how many youth leagues I was part of? NONE! I was a great swimmer and diver. You know how I learned? By jumping in the water. Sure I had swimming lessons, but that was only because they made us take a stupid test so we could swim in the deep end. Anyone can teach their kid to swim or throw a ball, they just have to be there. I gained a lot more from my mother and father saying "good job" than I would have from any coach. Of course not everyone can teach a sport, but you can lay the groundwork. Your kids will thank you.
If you're a parent who watches every mindless reality show and game show and you're kids see this, they will follow. You'd be amazed at what kids learn just from observation. If you smoke, they will most likely smoke. If you drink and fall down, they will probably drink and fall down. Don't try blaming it on genetics. These are all choices. Limit TV and computer time and play board games and go on simple trips (the zoo, museums, etc). I remember when I was younger and we'd be on vacation. My parents would take me to museums, famous locations or maybe some little town where something interesting happened. If they didn't know they'd make sure we found out information about what we were seeing. Everything when you're little is a learning experience.
If your kids are old enough, let them watch the news with you, especially when something historic is happening. You might not like what's going on with gay marriage, but it's here to stay, so don't shun your children from it. Some people didn't like the election of a black president, but they are going to learn about it anyway, so open their eyes to it. There is violence and hostility and awful things in this world. Not letting them see it will only make adjustments later more difficult. There are pedophiles and killers in the world and chances are they aren't the gay people down the street or the ethnic couple. Chances are it's the quiet white kid who doesn't seem to like bugs very much. Open your child's eyes to the good and the bad.
I could go on and on, but I'm going to end with this. Don't assume your child is getting what they need in school to be intelligent. They may get what they need to be successful, but is that enough? I know a lot of people who are "successful" who are dumber than doorknobs. Is that truly a success? I have so many friends who are elementary school teacher and almost as many who are high school teachers. They all tell me how smart their students are, they all tell me how well they did in their tests. They tell me how their school did this and that on the state exams. They brag about SAT scores. It's wonderful to hear. I also happen to know a few college professors and whether they teach at a community college or an Ivy league school, they all say the same thing. Students today are less prepared and across the board less intelligent than ever before. Many of them tell me that if it weren't for the institutions pushing the use of multiple choice exams, none of these kids would pass. It's a truly sad commentary and honestly, I don't blame the teachers one bit. They are told to make sure kids pass. To make sure they pass regents and state exams and that they get a decent score on the SAT. The one thing they aren't told is to make your kid intelligent. That is entirely up to you as a parent and your children. Teach them well and they will succeed. I learned absolutely nothing in school from 9th-12th grade and almost nothing in college, but I can hold my own on almost any topic there is. Other than quantum physics, marine biology and women. I always get those three confused.
I know a parent or teacher will say "there goes Hopper, thinking he knows everything." I don't know everything, but when I talk to kids today and they don't know anything, I pretty much know what to expect when I meet their parents. Sadly, I'm always right. Everything about our inner workings starts and ends at home. And let me be very clear. It's not an easy job. That's why the plan is for there to be two of you.
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