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Wanting Things

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the things I don't have.  Way too much to be honest.  I don't mean materialistic things, because that isn't a care for me at all.  I mean the little things in life.  It dawned on my recently how long I've been without a significant other.  I was happy with it for a bit, but the other night, while at dinner with seven couples, it kind hurt a little.  The little things like feeding someone a bite of your food, the little hand on the knee or a quick kiss on the cheek.  Those are the things I was missing. I love my freedom, but I also remember how much better I slept at night, knowing someone else was in my life.  I also miss my brother terribly.  We had started to spend a lot more time with each other, because he was doing me a favor and we spent a lot of time with my dad and grandmother.  He's joined the Army and it sucks not being able to call him up.  That combined with the fact, I'm terrified he'll be called to serve abroad, has truly stressed me.  I miss my grandmother.  It hurts knowing that next week when I visit my father, I'll probably be sleeping in her old bedroom. It hurts knowing I wont be sipping cocktails with her before dinner and listening to her stories. All my grandparents are gone.  It's quite sobering.  It also dawned on me I don't have a best friend. When we reach our forties, those are our spouses. Don't get me wrong, I have great true friends and pretty decent hang out buddies, but I truly don't have that one person, no matter what who I turn to.  What I do now is a combination of keeping it within and discussing it with the person of the moment.  Many times they don't know the real me and see my concerns, complaints, desires, obstacles in a way, that makes me realize I've chosen the wrong ear to listen.  I also miss not caring.  I know that sounds like a very horrible thing to say, but I miss not caring so much about the atrocities surrounding me; Us.  The more I read about rape, murder, sexual discrimination, hunger, poverty, illiteracy, the more I lose faith in ever being happy.  I've lost my inability to read or hear about these problems and let it go from my mind. Maybe if I had a true love, could call my brother and visit my grandmother, these things would all go away.  I know they wouldn't, but it would be nice to spend a day and not have them in the front of my mind.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 21, 2013 at 10:36 PM

    Hop - don't lose faith...you can meet the love of your life at any point. 40 and over - I've seen it happen. I know it sounds overly optimistic, but it's true. Don't give up. She's out there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hop's ThoughtsMarch 22, 2013 at 1:46 AM

      Lauren D are you single? Jk! Thanks for the continued support.

      Delete
    2. Hop's ThoughtsMarch 22, 2013 at 1:47 AM

      Also, Do you write? I'm completely oblivious as to how to use Google +

      Delete
  2. AnonymousMarch 23, 2013 at 9:12 PM

    LOL!! My pleasure Hop. I wish I had the energy to write a blog like you. Now and then I add stuff to the book I'm going to write one day when I retire from teaching! I am clueless on how Google+ works as well. I just stick with Facebook and Chowhound!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hop's ThoughtsMarch 27, 2013 at 11:42 PM

    Don't retire from teaching unless you decide you've lost your abilities. I've seen too many good teachers walk away from the profession and the kids suffer. Let me know when you start your masterpiece!!!

    ReplyDelete

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