Apparently, my not being a parent means that I know nothing about parenting in some people's eyes. Ironically, the number is about five times of people who have commented on my random blogs that I actually know what the hell I'm talking about. Here's my resume. I was the model student until about 7th grade. Then I became a complete slacker. Passing, but barely and rarely attending school. Then I took standardized tests and aced them, but seemed to manage to piss everyone on in the process. Did it hurt me? I don't know. I didn't get much out of high school from an intellectual or social angle, so I'm going to say no, but I do know that my earlier years were a pleasant game of give and take that molded who I am today. I'm not going to get too deep, but just make some short recommendations based on my experiences and things I have seen over the years that are big issues with both parents and kids.
Dress - This is tough. You want your kid to fit in, but you also don't want the teachers to get the wrong impression or categorize your child. Make a deal with your kid that they dress conservatively, in a kid version of business casual, for the first week. After that, let them wear what they want. Showing up the first day in a football jersey or mini skirt sends a message to the teachers. The wrong message. Showing up in a suit or pants suit will get your kid stuffed in a locker.
Lunch - this is tough because not everyone can do it, but if you can afford it, let your kid buy their meals the first few days. Trust me, those embarrassing sandwiches with the crusts cut off will most likely find the garbage the first week, because all the cool kids will be buying lunch. Then ask the kids what they are eating. Convince them you can give them something better and more nutritious. If they are health conscious or like food, they will want yours after a few days.
Behavior - Behavior in the first week or two is the key to winning over the teacher. Take it from me, it's a lot easier to defend yourself (especially in HS) if you haven't told two teachers to go fuck themselves the first day of school and gotten in two fights. If you're the silent drug dealer, you have a better chance to get out of it, than the loud honor student who makes fun of people.
Attendance - Kids, don't miss school the first couple of weeks. It sounds obvious, but you're doing the most work at the beginning, because the teachers are refreshed. Wait til November, when vacations start. Teachers are looking for a break as much as you are and the work load tends to be less. Mom, Dad? You listening?
Bus - If there is a bus, let your kid take it. Little kids have a shitload of fun on the bus and they get to make friends that live near them. That gives you a break when you need to run out, because you can arrange the old play-date "for them" when you need to run off with your friends for a nice liquid lunch.
Homework - This one if for the parents. Yes, you know it's nothing more than busy work, but show interest in it and don't believe the old "we didn't have any." Check it, but whatever you do, don't correct it. Point out that there are a few mistakes and let your child make the corrections. Explain to them they can go back and check it or they can have the teacher judge them. Regardless of what you may think, even the least motivated kids hate to be told they are wrong. Especially by an adult, so they will, with very little motivation, find and fix the mistakes.
Bedtime - As someone who is now an insomniac and someone who was a bit of a night owl in high school, I can not tell you how difficult those first and last period classes were when I didn't get a good night's sleep. People will laugh to know this, but I had a relatively early bedtime every year until I was about 15. Then my jobs interfered and definitely had a negative effect on my grades.
Meals - I mean the meals at home. If you have time, make sure you talk to your kids, even if you can't sit with them during breakfast. Don't talk about school, unless something pressing is about to happen. This doesn't mean a test. The worst thing a kid can do is study the morning before a test. Breakfast shouldn't be rushed. So that mean you have to wake up early. Sorry, they're your kids. Then comes dinner. If possible, have every dinner together. Don't rush. Don't put on the TV. Talk to your kids. About every single aspect of not only their day but yours. Stress the positives and downplay the negatives. Young children who constantly hear about their parent's woes will become negative. Teach them. If you read the paper, share something you read with them and ask them their thoughts. People will be shocked to hear this, but when I was a kid, we usually sat down to dinner around 6:30 and didn't leave the table til about 7:45. Every single night. Just sat and talked about everything. I learned more during dinner than I did during all my years of school and many times, it was what I learned that put me ahead of my peers.
Final note.
Kids - school is equal parts greatness and awful. The greatness is that you get to be with your friends all day long. The awful is that it is getting you ready for routine. Unless you're very lucky, mundane routine will be your life for many years to come, so get used to it. Learn to make the most of those little bits of time that make it special and grab on to them.
Parents - school is their equivalent to a job. Remember that. They are going to have good days and bad. Productive and unproductive days. There are days the bosses will praise them and days they won't. Try and be the support system for them that they are for you. Try and make it the easiest it can be for them. Think about your bad days and imagine dealing with that at nine years old. I know you went through it, but that doesn't make it easier for them. If there is one thing I have learned over the years from teaching sports. That one good hit makes the twenty missed swings disappear in an instant. You have that power every single day!
Dress - This is tough. You want your kid to fit in, but you also don't want the teachers to get the wrong impression or categorize your child. Make a deal with your kid that they dress conservatively, in a kid version of business casual, for the first week. After that, let them wear what they want. Showing up the first day in a football jersey or mini skirt sends a message to the teachers. The wrong message. Showing up in a suit or pants suit will get your kid stuffed in a locker.
Lunch - this is tough because not everyone can do it, but if you can afford it, let your kid buy their meals the first few days. Trust me, those embarrassing sandwiches with the crusts cut off will most likely find the garbage the first week, because all the cool kids will be buying lunch. Then ask the kids what they are eating. Convince them you can give them something better and more nutritious. If they are health conscious or like food, they will want yours after a few days.
Behavior - Behavior in the first week or two is the key to winning over the teacher. Take it from me, it's a lot easier to defend yourself (especially in HS) if you haven't told two teachers to go fuck themselves the first day of school and gotten in two fights. If you're the silent drug dealer, you have a better chance to get out of it, than the loud honor student who makes fun of people.
Attendance - Kids, don't miss school the first couple of weeks. It sounds obvious, but you're doing the most work at the beginning, because the teachers are refreshed. Wait til November, when vacations start. Teachers are looking for a break as much as you are and the work load tends to be less. Mom, Dad? You listening?
Bus - If there is a bus, let your kid take it. Little kids have a shitload of fun on the bus and they get to make friends that live near them. That gives you a break when you need to run out, because you can arrange the old play-date "for them" when you need to run off with your friends for a nice liquid lunch.
Homework - This one if for the parents. Yes, you know it's nothing more than busy work, but show interest in it and don't believe the old "we didn't have any." Check it, but whatever you do, don't correct it. Point out that there are a few mistakes and let your child make the corrections. Explain to them they can go back and check it or they can have the teacher judge them. Regardless of what you may think, even the least motivated kids hate to be told they are wrong. Especially by an adult, so they will, with very little motivation, find and fix the mistakes.
Bedtime - As someone who is now an insomniac and someone who was a bit of a night owl in high school, I can not tell you how difficult those first and last period classes were when I didn't get a good night's sleep. People will laugh to know this, but I had a relatively early bedtime every year until I was about 15. Then my jobs interfered and definitely had a negative effect on my grades.
Meals - I mean the meals at home. If you have time, make sure you talk to your kids, even if you can't sit with them during breakfast. Don't talk about school, unless something pressing is about to happen. This doesn't mean a test. The worst thing a kid can do is study the morning before a test. Breakfast shouldn't be rushed. So that mean you have to wake up early. Sorry, they're your kids. Then comes dinner. If possible, have every dinner together. Don't rush. Don't put on the TV. Talk to your kids. About every single aspect of not only their day but yours. Stress the positives and downplay the negatives. Young children who constantly hear about their parent's woes will become negative. Teach them. If you read the paper, share something you read with them and ask them their thoughts. People will be shocked to hear this, but when I was a kid, we usually sat down to dinner around 6:30 and didn't leave the table til about 7:45. Every single night. Just sat and talked about everything. I learned more during dinner than I did during all my years of school and many times, it was what I learned that put me ahead of my peers.
Final note.
Kids - school is equal parts greatness and awful. The greatness is that you get to be with your friends all day long. The awful is that it is getting you ready for routine. Unless you're very lucky, mundane routine will be your life for many years to come, so get used to it. Learn to make the most of those little bits of time that make it special and grab on to them.
Parents - school is their equivalent to a job. Remember that. They are going to have good days and bad. Productive and unproductive days. There are days the bosses will praise them and days they won't. Try and be the support system for them that they are for you. Try and make it the easiest it can be for them. Think about your bad days and imagine dealing with that at nine years old. I know you went through it, but that doesn't make it easier for them. If there is one thing I have learned over the years from teaching sports. That one good hit makes the twenty missed swings disappear in an instant. You have that power every single day!
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