Well, the last entry in this never ending saga was #900. Now granted some of them have been nothing more than paragraph long movie reviews and some have been elongated diatribes about the woes of the world. Some have been painfully personal, while others are just my attempts to have fun with a much too serious world. A serious world, I am constantly reminded, is brimming with hate, both learned and passed down.
Today, in my minute attempt to make a change, beginning with myself, I deleted someone from Facebook. The reason for the omission from my life was due to the use of a racial epitaph. I no longer need to keep up a facade and pretend to have a use for those types of people in my life and as the days grow shorter, I have a strange feeling my list of friends will too dwindle.
I've thought a lot lately about who is and isn't important in my life. The irony is there are some who I can actually benefit from, who I have already let go of, because they aren't the ones I wish to associate with. I find their definition of love, friendship, success and failure to be so vastly different, even offensive at times, that I need to rid myself of the mere thought process they maintain. Self righteousness? I don't know, but I know that I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with the words, phrases and beliefs they all seem to share. This is not to say I do not possess flaws of my own. Of this, I am well aware.
Recently, both publicly and privately, I have been speaking to a lot of people going through a ton of shit in their lives. All of it, from what I can tell is caused by outside sources. Basically, they've shown me that none of this pain, we so often have shared with us on social media and through conversations and gossip, is self induced. I wish I could say all my woes were caused by outside sources, but that would be false, but that does not mean that I must continue to surround myself with such people. I want a better life and the first thing I need to do is to rid myself of all the negativity that I see, because it is truly contagious.
I talk a lot about what bothers me, but I'm going to make a concerted effort to stick to my guns about this. I know over the course of time, some will get offended and there may even be the rare occasion where I regret my decisions and may even have to apologize, but I am ready. Ready to try, without claiming finding enlightenment or a holy guide. Just ready to do something that I've been promising myself for a long time.
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