My Movie Problem

Over the past few years, I've had two friends with whom I can discuss film in detail. I have many friends I can talk to about this film or that, but it's hard to find someone to discuss film in a way, where the simple dissection of one film turns into an elongated discussion on genre, social commentary and film as a true art form. Twitter gives me glimpses of these discussions, but I've found most tweeters are so genre specific, I find myself posting notes to no one, hoping for a response. I rarely get them. I do have a few people who can discuss at length, but this is very rare. Even those people I see now, seem so distracted by other things, they never really get what they've seen until reading a professional review and hearing someone else's thoughts. For me, that's not a passion, it's simply faking it.

I watched three films in eighteen hours yesterday. An action thriller with a subplot of how our mind works and what would happen if we could expand its use. The second was a documentary on the Hadron Collider and the Higgs Particle. It delved into the importance in understanding how all matter was created. It's basically the scientific equivalent of meeting god. Finally, I saw a New Zealand coming of age tale. A young boy, his deadbeat dad and the odd circumstances that occur in this child's awakening. Three very different films and three I'd have to scour the earth to discuss with one person. This pains me.

I assume it pains me the way bookworms look at me with disgust when they ask me if I've read this or that and boast how little I've read in the past twenty years, yet they find it odd I can discuss topics covered in those books. I read constantly and I want to learn, but I don't have the patience to curl up in a chair and commit hour to one book, when I can cook a meal, sip coffee and watch three movies in the same time. I wish I could speed read, because that would motivate me. Sadly, it seems these days, I can't speed-anything.

It's always tough when nobody you see on a daily basis shares your passion, but I think I've tried so hard over the years to share others, I sometimes forget how much these things mean to me. I've long thought about how to pursue a career in film in some manner, but I hold it in such an odd place in my head and in my heart, it's hard for me to envision it. I want people to see film like I do. I don't want a review to tell you the killer or even the plot. I want you to figure it out for yourself. I'm tired of the word ambiguous to describe ending, because the writer, director, actors and everyone else involved had a clear vision and if you didn't get their vision, they shouldn't allow you that pass. They should demand you understand it and if you don't, at least discuss it. 

I guess it's not just entertainment for me, when the curtain closes, because even some of the bad ones stay with me for days, trapped like a bird, dying or flying away. Bukowski's bluebird perhaps. I just want to feel what Toto felt at the end of Cinema Paradiso, but be able to share that feeling with someone else who understands and not be alone with it like he was.