I've been watching the BBC version of Sherlock and while I love Mr. Holmes' (played by my new man-crush, Benedict Cumberbatch) ability to read people, I find it somewhat funny that they chalk this up to some intellect. It's merely being perceptive. Most of us think we are, but the reality is, we miss so much. This is never more evident than when people post something without realizing what the article is actually saying. This isn't about you, the people that drive me batty...not this time. This time it's about me and a funny night.
I was in a bar and a girl sat down and we struck up a conversation. I was aware she wasn't interested in me, but she also didn't want to sit and stare at sports. She was overdressed for the bar she was in and in the course of about 45 minutes to an hour, she allowed me to know more about herself without her even knowing it. The strange thing was, despite her being very attractive, I never felt any physical attraction to her. Mainly, because of everything she threw out inadvertently.
Within about 20 minutes, I realized that despite her aesthetic attempts at glamour, she had no money. I bought her a drink and from the size of her sips, I realized this drink was going to last her the hour. She wasn't interested in me and despite her starting the conversation with me, I realized she wasn't looking to mooch. This told me she was biding her time and awaiting the arrival of her friends. During the conversation, she continued to make assumptions about me and nearly every one of them was wrong. I asked if she was a psych major and she said she was. I warned her that what she learns in textbooks doesn't equate to an ability to see these things. So once she felt as if I was telling her how to do her future job, she somewhat turned on me. She guessed I was divorced, with kids and worked outside. I told her to be careful analyzing people, because they might do it back. Finally, as she got to the end of her drink, she challenged me. She said "OK genius...read me." And this was when I went into full Sherlock mode.
I said "You're obviously meeting someone here, but you thought it was nicer or you wouldn't have worn that dress and your nice jewelry, You don't normally wear the bracelet, because it's summer and despite your tan, you don't have any tan lines on your wrist. You also took off a ring you normally wear, which I assume means you're recently broken up with someone, but still wear the ring they gave you." She started to slouch and I continued. "You also suffer from bulimia, which I'm very sorry about, but it's quite evident. You have split ends, which in itself isn't a tell-tale sign, but you have your your right pointer finger is a little ragged, even with the polish. This is from making yourself vomit. You decided to major in psychology, since you think having a psychosomatic disease somehow gives you some expertise in the field."
Around this time, I realized I was pretty much on the money, so I started to slow down. Oddly, she told me to continue. "The guy you're meeting either is very late or not coming, because you've checked your phone only once, but it must not have been him, but you have glanced at the clock over my shoulder about twenty times. It's about 10:05 now, so you're pretty sure he isn't coming, since he told you 9:30. You are also frustrated, because you got you hair done just for this date." She stopped me and said "Oh, why you think my hair would be a mess otherwise?" I said "Of course not, you're a pretty girl who is very self conscious about her appearance, but if you brushed your hair right before you came in, there would inevitably be a stray hair on your collar line or shoulders and there isn't."
Right about then, she got up and said she had to leave. As she did, she turned in her chair and was facing me. She said "I'm not saying you're right about everything, but I just want you to know that this is probably why you're single, because you're a know it all. I also hope you realize that you never had a shot." She started to walk away and I said, "One more thing. I know I didn't, but he really screwed up, because he had more than a shot, he had a sure thing." She walked back over and said "oh, let me hear this one." I said "If he wasn't you wouldn't have been so particular about your undergarments, but you're not wearing a tiny thong or some regular panties, you're wearing a very nice pair of white lace panties and a matching bra." Girls wear these types of things to weddings, grandma's birthday and when they are going to go home with somebody." I won't say what was said, but I was right. I'm guessing about everything, but who knows. I do know one thing, I know jack squat about reading what women say, but I can read body language and other things.
I hope this wasn't too long-winded, but it's a better story than the time I told a girl that she was going to give a guy blue balls and when she asked me why, I said "because you're dressed to the nines, but wearing a sports bra and granny panties, because you have your period." She was a good friend, so I just got a laugh and slap and then "I fucking hate you."
I was in a bar and a girl sat down and we struck up a conversation. I was aware she wasn't interested in me, but she also didn't want to sit and stare at sports. She was overdressed for the bar she was in and in the course of about 45 minutes to an hour, she allowed me to know more about herself without her even knowing it. The strange thing was, despite her being very attractive, I never felt any physical attraction to her. Mainly, because of everything she threw out inadvertently.
Within about 20 minutes, I realized that despite her aesthetic attempts at glamour, she had no money. I bought her a drink and from the size of her sips, I realized this drink was going to last her the hour. She wasn't interested in me and despite her starting the conversation with me, I realized she wasn't looking to mooch. This told me she was biding her time and awaiting the arrival of her friends. During the conversation, she continued to make assumptions about me and nearly every one of them was wrong. I asked if she was a psych major and she said she was. I warned her that what she learns in textbooks doesn't equate to an ability to see these things. So once she felt as if I was telling her how to do her future job, she somewhat turned on me. She guessed I was divorced, with kids and worked outside. I told her to be careful analyzing people, because they might do it back. Finally, as she got to the end of her drink, she challenged me. She said "OK genius...read me." And this was when I went into full Sherlock mode.
I said "You're obviously meeting someone here, but you thought it was nicer or you wouldn't have worn that dress and your nice jewelry, You don't normally wear the bracelet, because it's summer and despite your tan, you don't have any tan lines on your wrist. You also took off a ring you normally wear, which I assume means you're recently broken up with someone, but still wear the ring they gave you." She started to slouch and I continued. "You also suffer from bulimia, which I'm very sorry about, but it's quite evident. You have split ends, which in itself isn't a tell-tale sign, but you have your your right pointer finger is a little ragged, even with the polish. This is from making yourself vomit. You decided to major in psychology, since you think having a psychosomatic disease somehow gives you some expertise in the field."
Around this time, I realized I was pretty much on the money, so I started to slow down. Oddly, she told me to continue. "The guy you're meeting either is very late or not coming, because you've checked your phone only once, but it must not have been him, but you have glanced at the clock over my shoulder about twenty times. It's about 10:05 now, so you're pretty sure he isn't coming, since he told you 9:30. You are also frustrated, because you got you hair done just for this date." She stopped me and said "Oh, why you think my hair would be a mess otherwise?" I said "Of course not, you're a pretty girl who is very self conscious about her appearance, but if you brushed your hair right before you came in, there would inevitably be a stray hair on your collar line or shoulders and there isn't."
Right about then, she got up and said she had to leave. As she did, she turned in her chair and was facing me. She said "I'm not saying you're right about everything, but I just want you to know that this is probably why you're single, because you're a know it all. I also hope you realize that you never had a shot." She started to walk away and I said, "One more thing. I know I didn't, but he really screwed up, because he had more than a shot, he had a sure thing." She walked back over and said "oh, let me hear this one." I said "If he wasn't you wouldn't have been so particular about your undergarments, but you're not wearing a tiny thong or some regular panties, you're wearing a very nice pair of white lace panties and a matching bra." Girls wear these types of things to weddings, grandma's birthday and when they are going to go home with somebody." I won't say what was said, but I was right. I'm guessing about everything, but who knows. I do know one thing, I know jack squat about reading what women say, but I can read body language and other things.
I hope this wasn't too long-winded, but it's a better story than the time I told a girl that she was going to give a guy blue balls and when she asked me why, I said "because you're dressed to the nines, but wearing a sports bra and granny panties, because you have your period." She was a good friend, so I just got a laugh and slap and then "I fucking hate you."
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