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Burden

I just finished watching the 1983 version of The Ballad of Narayama. Aside from my immediate desire to find the 1958 film, I was blown away by this version's final third. While the film looks deeply at our creation of laws and the need or desire to break them, I found one of the strongest issues with the film to be about burden. While I do not know if this was intended or simply a sincere look at ancient Japanese culture, I felt it stood out and it affected me deeply.

Living with people, who are not family, I've often listened to them speak about their burdens. The burden of work, school, family, and everyday life. I've often wondered how so many feel life itself, I mean the things we all face, is a burden. As an outsider, I'm allowed to look at the burden from a different perspective and without bias. I have come to realize, the burden many speak of is simply a matter of life conflicting with their leisure. Is this a burden? I don't know if I'm one to say, as I value you my leisure and at times have created burdens because of it. I do feel however, the adage of walking a mile in another's shoes is the greatest form of cognitive dissonance because to suggest another do so, is to ignore their journey.

The movie has just ended, but it has me thinking of the burdens I've faced, but more so, the burden I've been. Whether it be financial, emotional, or any other form, I know I've been more of trouble than I'm worth for many. I guess this is where love comes in. I think back to my mother and her illness. I think back to my responsibilities during that time and it taught me to hold myself accountable. While I listened to all those others affected speak daily about the burden, I felt it was a gift. The time she held on taught me more about her, myself, and others, than any other time in my life. These lessons were not all realized during or immediately after, and I'm sure, there are still those awaiting me. What I did learn was that no matter how much another's life affected me, no matter positively or negatively, it was my choice, and thus cannot be considered a burden. Those who chose to want other things felt burdened; I did not.

Retrospect has given me the ability to become introspective and while I don't know if this is truly irony or not, my introspective behavior has, in some ways, become a burden. It has caused me to question my decisions and while I do not live in the past, I am greatly stunted by it. The burden of moving forward would be cliche, because there is no mountain, just another journey. While I've shed many of those who have traveled with me, some by choice, others not, I do hope the remainder finds me being less of a burden. As for those along for the ride, well, I simply have to choose more carefully, because their burdens should not become mine.

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