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Holy Week

I find it kind of funny that the week that includes Passover and Easter is called Holy Week. Since when are the most important dates on the religious calenders for Jews and Catholics hyped like a used car ad? Surprisingly enough, if you ask most people what the biggest holidays are they will say Christmas and Hanukkah. After all, most people are stupid.

So how do we celebrate Jesus' resurrection from the dead following his crucifixion? We color eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and pig out. Nothing quite says thank you lord for dying for our sins quite like chocolate bunnies. Seriously, what the f***? Who thought of this? We'll get back to this. One thing I guarantee most Catholics don't know is that Easter is the Greek word for Passover. Sure, the Bible states that the wine was eaten after the bread, which is the reverse order in a Passover Seder, but it's semantics, the Last Supper was a Passover meal. Then there's the famous Da Vinci painting. I think only Dogs Playing Poker is more popular than this painting. This was the original Entourage.

So in Passover, the Jews celebrate their exodus from Egypt and the ending of their enslavement. Once again, people put their minds together and how do we celebrate leaving a journey in the desert? By eating unleavened bread. Matzo. If there's one thing that refreshes on a hot day, it's matzo. Just don't try whistling afterwards. it's like a saltine, without the salt. But it can also be covered in chocolate, which I have to believe was to keep little Jewish kids from wanting to convert to the bunny religion.

These days are of the utmost importance to religious people, but the average person looks at them more for what marketing has turned them into. Easter has egg hunts and Passover has matzo hunts. How does Christ coming back from the dead and Jews fleeing Egypt translate to "let's hide stuff and make the kids look for it?" OK the egg makes some sense, because it is a symbol of rebirth, but coloring or making it into chocolate and telling people a big bunny hid it. When did bunnies start laying eggs anyway?

Now I grew up in a family that celebrated both holidays. So basically this meant going to one side of the family in the middle of the week and to the other side on Sunday. I liked both holidays because usually it meant one thing "good eats!" Passover was always matzo ball soup, gifelte fish w/horseradish and brisket. My mother made the best brisket I have ever tasted (including BBQ joints) and I always looked forward to this. Sitting listening to two hours of reading only angered me. Bring me some beef! For Easter it was usually lamb. I could eat lamb every night, so I was a happy camper. I always hated going to certain people's houses, because we'd have a boring ham. Ham is alright, but it's meant to be on a sandwich with cheese not in the middle of the table. Hey if I ever come back from the dead and someone offers me ham, there's going to be a fight. Plus, the holidays combine nicely. One of my favorite things is hard boiled egg, sliced and put on matzo with a little mayo.

Despite being raised a little more Jewish, I never went to Temple for Passover. I don't even know if people do this honestly. Only once did I go to a church on Easter and let me tell you. I feel for anyone who does that every Sunday. You should go right to heaven if it exists, because I think I'd rather book a week at Guantanamo than sit through that every week.

Whatever your religious path is, this is a big week. Enjoy it. Take in the moments with your family. Don't stress the religious aspect of it. Jesus spent it with friends and Jews are celebrating their freedom. You should do the same. Enjoy whatever it is that you sit down to eat. Take time to spend some time with all your loved ones, especially you younger people. There will be a time when some of them won't be around and I can attest that things change and it's your responsibility to carry on these traditions. I have one parent, one brother, and one grandparent left and I most likely won't be spending the holidays with them. The opportunities will become less and less, so those of you who can spend these times with your loved ones, embrace the opportunity and enjoy.

Happy Easter
Happy Passover
Who will win the Masters?

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