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The seven deadly sins...are they bad?

The Catholic Church preaches about the Seven Deadly Sins and the horrors of such sinning, despite the fact the sins themselves are not listed in the Bible in any form. There are lists of virtues, but nowhere is there a list of these sins. I am not a religious man, so I say...are they really bad?

Lust - lust was seen as bad, because such lusting after another human was seen as one's love in God being secondary. Then why if you are lusting properly does the other person yell "oh God!" Listen if there is a heaven, there is a lot of lusting going on, because honestly, it's one of our primal needs. Animals have sex, bugs have sex, people have sex. The need for that sex is not developed, it is inherent. Chastity is seen as a virtue, but that has to be taught. Now lusting after farm animals. That is just sick. Unless of course you promise to eat them afterwards. Hey, I'm sure a sheep would rather go out with that kind of a bang than one from a shotgun.

Gluttony - is over-indulgence to the point of waste. Now while I think it's awful that we live in a society where food is thrown out and others go hungry, that does not mean I can't be a card carrying member of the Clean Plate Club. The church preaches about giving to the needy, but hey those churches sure look like they cost a lot, and I'm sure a smaller steeple could by a few families a happy meal. I'm not saying other religions aren't guilty too, but there are a lot more starving catholics in this country than there are other religions. Listen, i will gladly pay double for a good meal if I knew that someone else who couldn't eat was being fed, but the fact is it's not, so I'm going to enjoy my gluttonous ways and finish what is put in front of me. I'll also donate to food pantries and any other thing that I believe will help stop people from starving, so back off and don't touch my fries.

Greed - now I don't believe that greed is a good thing, because it is usually attached to betraying another to gain personal wealth. What I laugh at is all these Republican Catholics who believe that greed is bad, because the church says so, but call Obama a socialist because he wants to spread the wealth. Isn't that God's way? Hey Republican Catholics, make up your minds. You have a choice, denounce your church or denounce your party, but you can't have both ways. If you are confused about this, use your noggins for once and figure it out.

Sloth - originally sloth was the sin of sadness or despair. When one refuses to accept the goodness of God, no matter what the circumstances. This today could be seen as the "divine intervention" and the plan that the big guy has for all of us. Now it is seen as the inability for a person to utilize god's gifts to better society or himself. So basically sloth is 99% of college students and the work force. Is this a bad thing. If everyone lived up to their expectations, stupid people would be enslaved and doing what I do, and I'd be sitting getting fed grapes, of course letting some moron peel them, just to employ them. I'm always thinking about others.

Wrath - No dummies, this isn't the thing you put on your door at Christmas time. This is a big time sin. You know the uncontrollable feeling you felt when they took Doogie Howser, M.D. off the air, because you weren't sure if that girl on the show would end up hot or not. I think she did. No Wrath is a biggie. It is the manifestation of anger and being too impatient to let justice run it's course. Wrath is an eye for an eye, and I don't think that's all that bad. Why is do unto others OK, but wrath is bad? Why does that proverb only work when people do nice things. Listen, I'll do unto others when they do that thing with their tongue, but if they spill my beer and don't buy me a new one, it's on like Genghis Khan (much crazier than his half-brother Donkey Kong).

Envy - I'll keep this simple. If a higher being didn't want there to be envy. He/she wouldn't have put urinals so close together. Listen, we all want something a little bigger, a little better, a little shinier. That's why I always buy Mag lite flashlights. They are exceptional tools and when stuffed in one's shorts make the user feel like Ron Jeremy minus the back hair.

Pride - Now this is considered the most serious sin. Yet, we're always taught t walk tall and be proud. It is seen as a desire to be better than others and not taking note of their achievements. Basically it's the thought that one has reached a level as high if not higher than God. The greatest example of pride in the Bible is Lucifer. His constant competition with God had him banished from Heaven and subsequently he became Satan. Pride is shown in the Bible before moments of failure. So when you're little Joey makes that volcano in science class, sneak in the morning before the science fair and put some little people in the path of the volcano. Show him that while he made the best one in the class, he just destroyed an entire village. Then tell him "nice try Joey, way to try and be like God, enjoy your C- you little shit." That will make him appreciate the poor kid in the class who showed how if you put olive oil on your finger and put pepper in a glass of water, the pepper goes to the sides.

But seriously if the sins are all so good, what about the virtues we always hear about. Pope Gregory the Great (wouldn't his name alone commit the sin of Pride?) came up with seven contrary virtues. I don't know about these, but that's an argument for another day.

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