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Letter to August

Dear August,

I'll start by saying I will not be as kind to you as I was to July. I have yet to see any silver lining in your month. Sure the month started off great. A new found beau, or so I thought, some warmer weather to stimulate the paycheck, and a wedding to look forward to. I couldn't wait for you warm embrace, but alas you let me down.

I guess the first week you were as good to me as any week I've had. I felt my life had taken a turn for the better and was giddy with this new found hope. I went in with full knowledge this would be a difficult month, but was ready to conquer it and stay strong. I had prepared myself for many weeks without any contact with a special friend. Surprisingly the contact was almost daily and this is where things went wrong. As I've stated before, in this blog, I sometimes say too much. My emotions were out of whack and they continue to be this way. I've gone from my normal self to someone I don't ever want to be. I guess when you think with your heart your head doesn't have time to stop your foolish actions. I fear that I may have gone too far and not only lost someone special, but possibly lost a friend.

You weren't all bad August. You allowed me to do things for other people that despite their silliness gave them pleasure. You reconnected me with a dear old high school friend who helped me end this tumultuous month with laughter and levity. For this I thank you. You ended the month with cool northern winds which have cost me dearly. The timing couldn't be worse.

It just seems that for every step forward this month, you made me take so many in reverse. You've clouded my judgment and I know deep down this has cost me. You made me so crazed with emotions that I couldn't stop even when I knew the outcome was not going to be a positive one. You taught me lessons I fear are lost on me anyway. I think the worst part of this month has been not knowing why everything has happened. I know in my heart of hearts that September will not be much better, because the only thing that could make this all right is to go back to that early August morning, look next to me, appreciate July's gifts and realize, just sometimes, words aren't necessary.

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