Confused and Torn

So many times I start one of these blogs and I write a paragraph, sometimes two, I've even written whole blogs and then erase them. Sometimes they are too personal. Sometimes they might hurt the feelings of a friend or someone else I deal with. I do not know who reads this and since I started the feedback has become less, so I write for myself. That being said, it's not penned into a book and hidden under my bed, but on the Internet for the public to see. Sure in my delusions of grandeur I believe that thousands of people hang on my every word. I'm spoken about at parties in the highest of circles, but the reality is that maybe 20 people read this at most. Some have signed on as followers, but my own family needs to be reminded of this damn thing. My ex-girlfriend wouldn't ever read it unless I read it to her. And yes I've thought of her terminal blindness jokes, but they aren't there.

In recent weeks I've started blogs bashing the true teachings of Sesame Street, but felt my writing was a little bit homophobic of which I am not. I mean the metro sexual bird with the imaginary friend, the two gay guys who loves rubber ducks, ball gags and pigeons. The only one who ever got any straight sex on the show was Kermit and that's because he fucked a pig. Metaphorically or not, that's some funny shit. It also recently came to my attention that Elmo is Mexican. WTF? No that deserves a real WHAT THE FUCK? When was the last time you heard a Mexican with a voice like wet finger circling a wine glass? The educational aspect is lost these days, because each character seems to have a new speech problem. Maybe this is why speech therapy is so common these days, because kids get plopped down in front of the tube and learn to speak from fucking muppets. This isn't healthy!

I also wanted to write about Obama. Sure he hasn't turned our country into the oasis that many thought he would. Republicans are loving this, Democrats are worried sick, but I remember taking an American Presidency class at Westchester Community College with Mr. Bataly (sp?) and he explained on day one in a first term the President has little or no power his first year, his second and third years he usually fights for one major thing that will be his campaign base, the fourth year is spent almost entirely campaigning. It's not until his second term where he can make a true difference. So unless people want real "change" they are going to have to stick through seven more years of this, or elect someone new and go through the motions again.

I think I've mentioned this in other blogs, but the state of television is a disgrace. On any given night there are numerous shows which need a hypothermic body temperature IQ to grasp. My favorite is Grey's Anatomy. I think this show separates those who want to be entertained and those who want to be lobotomized. Listen, in my attempts to appease a partner I've sat through this crap. Now it wasn't too hard to look at Katherine Heigl and the red-head, and if I was a girl I'd probably like Patrick Dempsey, but the script, the acting, the same fucking thing week in and week out? This show is about as intelligent and stimulating as reading an eye chart, with the exception being that at no time at the DMV does someone take you into a closet and bang you. And seriously ladies is this what you really want in a man. Sure he has money, but seven days after taking your dignity in a closet, he's taking your coworkers. But men are the pigs...right!

Farmville. Let me explain what Farmville is to those who don't know. it's a game on Facebook where you grow crops, buy animals and have a cyber farm. You get a barn, etc. It sounds like so much fun and you should enjoy yourself, but the constant messages asking me to join are driving me nuts. Seriously, it's like when you get to the bar late and everyone is drunk and keeps bringing up that funny thing that happened earlier in the night and everyone laughs. That is Farmville. Except, three people are laughing and everyone else wishes they weren't the three loudest people in the bar. I just wish there was some way to make crop circles or let wolves free on these people's farms. Maybe acid rain?

Shots. I remember back in HS we never did shots. We'd take swigs from a bottle. Inevitably I'd puke my brains out and swear never to drink again until the next weekend, or next night. Now, nearing forty I've found that shots are more popular than ever. I see college kids doing shots and then shitting their pants at the bar. I see them sleeping and falling down and making asses of themselves. I see twenty somethings hooking up, basically in public and wonder what happened and where were these girls when I was in my twenties. I'm sure they were out there, but then again I didn't go to places to do ecstasy, I liked to drink. Nope, in my thirties I've seem to have come of age. Which is a scary thing, because I'm sure a few weekend nights in the past few years have taken days, maybe even weeks or months off of my life. What scares me the most is having full knowledge of what you are drinking. I mean, when you know that you are on shot #12 and you've been out for nine hours and you only started doing shots at the seven hour mark, it's time to go home. I can count the number of times I've gotten sick in my thirties on one hand. And many of those have been caused by my hand, well a finger or two. But seriously, I need this trend to stop. I liked being the cheap date. Start drinking at 8pm home asleep by midnight. $20 end of story! These $150 days are killers.

I'll wrap this melting pot of shit up with this. There is an old saying that goes something like "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." People usually attribute this quote of genius to their grandmother or some older, more wise person. Well you know what, fuck that. If I only spoke when I had something nice to say, I'd have evenings where I'd be a fucking mute. Sometimes stupidity needs to be kicked in the ass. Sometimes just being loud and thinking that makes you right, needs a jab to the throat. There are so many times I overhear conversations between a newly formed couple and I just want to bask in their love...and then kick them in the genitals so they don't reproduce. I think it's our civil duty to stop stupid-on-stupid relationships. Let's give our future a fighting chance. I really want to know if stupid people know they are stupid. I don't think they do, because they seem to talk so much more and so much louder than everyone else. I wish there was a superhero that could fly in and save the day. I'd love to do the job, but my ass looks huge in tights.