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Dreams

Dreams are truly magical. I know there are books that interpret them and people think they know what they mean, but honestly, it's one of life's magical moments. In dreams we fight our fears, we see people we can't see in reality and we deal with pressure, real and imagined. All of us have had similar dreams. In school naked, teeth falling out, being chased, falling, etc. We always escape unscathed. Maybe an increased heart rate, maybe a yell and some sweat, but we awake invigorated.

Dreams have always fascinated me, because when I was younger I was told "in your dreams you never die, when you fall, you wake up before you land, because if you die in your dreams, you die in your sleep." Thank goodness this was a falsehood, because I die in my dreams almost on a nightly basis. I have for over 30 years. To my knowledge, I am no Dr. Malcolm Crowe, but who knows, maybe I am. When I was younger I would dream I was falling and on a few occasions I landed on the floor upon contact. This wasn't that big of a deal, although my bed was about three feet off the ground. I was also a bed wetter when I was younger, so dreams of going to the bathroom were a nightly occurrence. In my dreams I was standing at the toilet. Dreams can really get you sometimes. They make you believe you are doing something you're not.

Sometimes dreams can be different. Sometimes you know you are having a dream and you can manipulate the outcome. You become something you aren't. You get the girl, you slay the dragon, you become the thing you want to be in your conscious life, but are afraid to grasp. These dreams aren't as frequent, at least for me, and these are the ones I find hardest to remember. I guess if we could remember them, we'd use the power in reality. Maybe that's why we don't. Imagine if everyone had no inhibitions?

Some believe dreams are past events. Some believe they are future events. Some believe they are nothing, but random junk being discarded from our subconscious. Psychologist and scientists have long studied and speculated, but there will never be a clear cut answer. Honestly, I don't think we need one. Dreams are magical. Let's leave it at that.

In dreams, I have had long conversations with my late mother. She's told me things that I need to know. She told me where lost things were and where lost thoughts were. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't in those places, but it didn't matter. In those moments of sleep, I got to speak to my best friend again. She's never the sick and feeble woman in my dreams. She's the young vivacious woman who taught me so much about life. She is always nurturing in my dreams, never angry at things, like she was apt to be in reality. So many times when things have gotten tough, she enters my sleep and tells me not to worry. Sometimes it's just a word or two. Sometimes a kiss on my forehead. Sometimes I don't remember the dream until later in the day, sometimes I awaken, more ready for the day than ever before. Whichever the case may be, I love these dreams.

Last night I had a dream involving a conversation with someone I wanted some answers from. In the dream, I held no animosity. I was calm and understanding. I could not make out the words, nor could I hear any sounds at all. All I knew was that I understood. Things happen for a reason and things end for a reason. That's what I awoke realizing. I took a breath, wiped a tear from my eye, and realized that if nothing else I'd have that moment in time, those few days and that was it. Wanting more isn't going to help me or her. Be happy with what was shared and move on. Only time will tell if I have.

My dreams are complex. I've viewed entire movies in my head that have never been made on film. If I could remember them, I'd make millions. They star big time actors and close friends. In my dreams there is no ending. Nothing actually finalizes. It only makes me yearn for another few minutes, but the dream never comes back the same. In dreams I've gotten the girl and I've lost the girl. Many times I awake, my hands clasped, knowing that in my dreams I held her hand. Sometime my eyes open to me desperately trying to grab something, someone that is not there. It's a futile effort and the day starts with a sense of loss. Dreams can be that powerful.

Tonight, while I slumber, I don't care if my dreams are those of happy thoughts or those of scary thoughts, I just care that I dream. Because so often, when I dream, I feel more alive than when I'm awake.

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