In recent weeks, I've used my status updates on Facebook to relay my feelings on some movies. Unlike most people, I didn't love the Hurt Locker, hated The Hangover, but loved Julie & Julia, watched but disliked Brokeback Mountain. Instead of eggs and bacon I mentioned I had brie with preserves for breakfast one morning. I've mentioned other things, both on Facebook and to people in person and quite often the reaction has been repeated. "You're Gay!"
When a game is on, I get wrapped up in a conversation about Coq au Vin or some artsy film I might have viewed recently, there are those that feel it's a sign of my lack of manliness. Now anyone that knows me knows that I am too messy and my total lack of regard towards fashion shouts out "straight," but I do like to dabble in the kitchen and I like more cerebral movies. It's funny how most restaurant chefs aren't labeled gay, but a single guy who eats gourmet cheese for breakfast is. Why is this? I'm glad Eric Ripert and Anthony Bourdain didn't give up their passion because someone might have thought it a less manly endeavor. Thankfully, Claude Monet or Michelangelo weren't called effeminate because they liked to paint. Imagine if Caruso or Bjorling became carpenters instead of singers. A manly endeavor that would have taken so much joy away from so many. So why is it that some men have such a problem with the arts or even intelligence? I've watched movies that manly men have told me they couldn't watch because it was too graphic. At no time did I think this was a reflection of what they liked to do in the bedroom and who with.
Now I realize we live in a time where the average person is not that bright. We are inundated with locker room humor and the old boy's club ideals, but this is 2010. Why were we more accepting 100 years ago? Was it because people weren't open about their sexuality? Honestly, does it matter. Why is it that the same people who call me gay for liking a movie about cooking or a male actor's ability go to church and are fine with knowing that there's a decent chance the man in front of them has had indiscretions with young boys, or even men in his own parish? Why is that acceptable? Now I'm not condemning Christianity, but there seems to be such a hypocritical view among christians. I never surrendered my life to someones lord, so why is my decision to like certain things gay, but someone who has, is confused or misunderstood? Why is it OK for professional athletes to shower together and slap each other on the ass, but I can't spread brie on a baguette without being ridiculed? The more we "advance" as a people, the more I think we really regress.
In the late 90's a young man named Matthew Shepard was beaten and left to die because he was gay. The media ate this story up and I remember hearing people who were interviewed say that he got what he deserved. I heard people I know say he got what he deserved. He got what he deserved? He did something in the privacy of a bedroom and for this people actually picketed his funeral. Some local churches led the charge. I'll repeat that - Churches led the charge. What people might not know is that this wasn't the first time he was attacked. He was raped in HS. I assume by someone who of course wasn't gay, but wanted to teach him a lesson about, who knows, religion? The problem with our society is we accept gay characters on TV and in movies when they are overtly gay. Not every gay man is Jack from Will & Grace. Not every gay man dresses like a woman. Not every straight man is really straight. Believe me, I've known quite a few people who aren't gay who throw words around like fag or queer who have had relations with members of the same sex. What's that called? Experimenting? Bi-sexual? Isn't that being in a homosexual relationship?
Here's my point. What difference does it make if someone is gay? If I want to sit back and watch a cooking show for ten hours, while listening to opera music and eating some expensive cheese, could you explain how that defines my sexuality? I knew a man, who was openly gay, who was a marine. He was a tough SOB and I'm sure nobody would know by looking at him or by what he did that he was gay and if they did, they sure as hell wouldn't say it. Listen, I'm as guilty as the next guy as being in a room full of straight guys and someone says something a little effeminate and I've thrown a fag joke in here and there, but I don't mean it. Recently, I've tried not to, because it bothers me. I think this bothers me most, because so many people I've come across have no problem calling someone a Jew when they don't leave enough money for a bill. My mother was Jewish and was always telling me about how all of this light joking and social intolerance is what causes things to happen, because people always think it's nothing more than words. You can't see the manifestation of hate in people. The Holocaust, southern lynchings, rapes and murders. So much of it is avoidable, but we allow these negative things to happen, we make them build up. Some people obsess over them and the next thing you know, the little gay remark has grown up into a hate monger.
We haven't evolved, but devolved. As our country fills with Spanish speaking immigrants, my local friends and neighbors have gotten quite loud about not wanting to press one for English, but I find it funny that some of those same people have grandmothers who have lived her for seventy years who don't speak English very well. Why is that acceptable? Because they are Italian and not Spanish? There are some I truly laugh at because they post such things on Facebook. They ridicule non-English speaking Americans, but they have companies that hire them? They don't want to press one for English, but they can't write a sentence that is spelled properly. They want border control, but they cheat on their taxes? They want welfare recipients to be drug tested before getting money, but they are more than happy to hire them to clean their homes or watch their kids, because it's cheaper. This world we live in is a hypocrisy. I know tons of people who have donated to the Haiti relief fund, but don't care about poor kids in New York who don't have food or clothing. Why is this OK? I didn't donate to Haiti, but I did donate to St. Baldrick's for kids with cancer. I donated to Heifer International which helps people all over the world. I will donate to the V Foundation for Cancer Research. Why isn't there more known causes to donate for Americans who can't afford food. If you're against welfare, why would you donate to the poorest country in the world's government? Doesn't that seem a little hypocritical? I wonder sometimes, is that gay? Really, because calling that gay, makes as much sense as calling my movie choices or my musical preferences gay. Don't get me wrong. I laugh too when I read these comments. Some are truly funny. Especially when someone takes the time to make it clever. I can laugh at myself, I can mock my differences. I just find those who like to throw names can not. I"m glad I can and if that makes people see me as different, or even gay, so be it. I guess I'm gay, but whatever label I'm given by others, I know who I am. Do they?
When a game is on, I get wrapped up in a conversation about Coq au Vin or some artsy film I might have viewed recently, there are those that feel it's a sign of my lack of manliness. Now anyone that knows me knows that I am too messy and my total lack of regard towards fashion shouts out "straight," but I do like to dabble in the kitchen and I like more cerebral movies. It's funny how most restaurant chefs aren't labeled gay, but a single guy who eats gourmet cheese for breakfast is. Why is this? I'm glad Eric Ripert and Anthony Bourdain didn't give up their passion because someone might have thought it a less manly endeavor. Thankfully, Claude Monet or Michelangelo weren't called effeminate because they liked to paint. Imagine if Caruso or Bjorling became carpenters instead of singers. A manly endeavor that would have taken so much joy away from so many. So why is it that some men have such a problem with the arts or even intelligence? I've watched movies that manly men have told me they couldn't watch because it was too graphic. At no time did I think this was a reflection of what they liked to do in the bedroom and who with.
Now I realize we live in a time where the average person is not that bright. We are inundated with locker room humor and the old boy's club ideals, but this is 2010. Why were we more accepting 100 years ago? Was it because people weren't open about their sexuality? Honestly, does it matter. Why is it that the same people who call me gay for liking a movie about cooking or a male actor's ability go to church and are fine with knowing that there's a decent chance the man in front of them has had indiscretions with young boys, or even men in his own parish? Why is that acceptable? Now I'm not condemning Christianity, but there seems to be such a hypocritical view among christians. I never surrendered my life to someones lord, so why is my decision to like certain things gay, but someone who has, is confused or misunderstood? Why is it OK for professional athletes to shower together and slap each other on the ass, but I can't spread brie on a baguette without being ridiculed? The more we "advance" as a people, the more I think we really regress.
In the late 90's a young man named Matthew Shepard was beaten and left to die because he was gay. The media ate this story up and I remember hearing people who were interviewed say that he got what he deserved. I heard people I know say he got what he deserved. He got what he deserved? He did something in the privacy of a bedroom and for this people actually picketed his funeral. Some local churches led the charge. I'll repeat that - Churches led the charge. What people might not know is that this wasn't the first time he was attacked. He was raped in HS. I assume by someone who of course wasn't gay, but wanted to teach him a lesson about, who knows, religion? The problem with our society is we accept gay characters on TV and in movies when they are overtly gay. Not every gay man is Jack from Will & Grace. Not every gay man dresses like a woman. Not every straight man is really straight. Believe me, I've known quite a few people who aren't gay who throw words around like fag or queer who have had relations with members of the same sex. What's that called? Experimenting? Bi-sexual? Isn't that being in a homosexual relationship?
Here's my point. What difference does it make if someone is gay? If I want to sit back and watch a cooking show for ten hours, while listening to opera music and eating some expensive cheese, could you explain how that defines my sexuality? I knew a man, who was openly gay, who was a marine. He was a tough SOB and I'm sure nobody would know by looking at him or by what he did that he was gay and if they did, they sure as hell wouldn't say it. Listen, I'm as guilty as the next guy as being in a room full of straight guys and someone says something a little effeminate and I've thrown a fag joke in here and there, but I don't mean it. Recently, I've tried not to, because it bothers me. I think this bothers me most, because so many people I've come across have no problem calling someone a Jew when they don't leave enough money for a bill. My mother was Jewish and was always telling me about how all of this light joking and social intolerance is what causes things to happen, because people always think it's nothing more than words. You can't see the manifestation of hate in people. The Holocaust, southern lynchings, rapes and murders. So much of it is avoidable, but we allow these negative things to happen, we make them build up. Some people obsess over them and the next thing you know, the little gay remark has grown up into a hate monger.
We haven't evolved, but devolved. As our country fills with Spanish speaking immigrants, my local friends and neighbors have gotten quite loud about not wanting to press one for English, but I find it funny that some of those same people have grandmothers who have lived her for seventy years who don't speak English very well. Why is that acceptable? Because they are Italian and not Spanish? There are some I truly laugh at because they post such things on Facebook. They ridicule non-English speaking Americans, but they have companies that hire them? They don't want to press one for English, but they can't write a sentence that is spelled properly. They want border control, but they cheat on their taxes? They want welfare recipients to be drug tested before getting money, but they are more than happy to hire them to clean their homes or watch their kids, because it's cheaper. This world we live in is a hypocrisy. I know tons of people who have donated to the Haiti relief fund, but don't care about poor kids in New York who don't have food or clothing. Why is this OK? I didn't donate to Haiti, but I did donate to St. Baldrick's for kids with cancer. I donated to Heifer International which helps people all over the world. I will donate to the V Foundation for Cancer Research. Why isn't there more known causes to donate for Americans who can't afford food. If you're against welfare, why would you donate to the poorest country in the world's government? Doesn't that seem a little hypocritical? I wonder sometimes, is that gay? Really, because calling that gay, makes as much sense as calling my movie choices or my musical preferences gay. Don't get me wrong. I laugh too when I read these comments. Some are truly funny. Especially when someone takes the time to make it clever. I can laugh at myself, I can mock my differences. I just find those who like to throw names can not. I"m glad I can and if that makes people see me as different, or even gay, so be it. I guess I'm gay, but whatever label I'm given by others, I know who I am. Do they?
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