This Sunday is Valentine's Day. It's one of the dumber days we've labeled a holiday, because guys are guilt-tripped into buying things that are way overpriced, doing things that are unnatural and women are silly enough to think we do it because we care. We do it because we don't want to hear shit about how so-and-so's boyfriend did this or that. Yes, we know, he's a sucker too.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for romance. I come across as a hard ass who only cares about pointing out the negatives in life, but the reality of it is, I am a helpless and hopeless romantic. No I don't put rose petals on the floor, light candles leading to the bedroom, or go online and buy stars (more on this later). No, I'll make an attempt at cooking and try to time it for when that special someone gets home. I'll get someone their favorite dessert or rent their favorite movie or maybe just do something they like. I enjoy this, but I refuse to do it on February 14th.
Ladies, when it comes down to it, you are all superficial. You don't want what the other girl has, you want more or better. We are a simpler gender. We want what can maintain our normal lives. We want food, sex and peace and quiet when we're watching the game. We want our "me time" and we want our special time, but we also don't want it dictated to us when and where this is to occur.
Now don't get me wrong, I've done the silly stuff. I've done the roses, the champagne, the chocolate, the romantic dinner. I've done it all and it sucks, because it's not from the heart. When it's from the heart, it comes to you on a whim. Wouldn't you rather come home from a hard day's work and be surprised by a quiet meal, some candles and a night of snuggling on the couch watching a movie? Doesn't that mean a lot more to you? Does having your boyfriend pay $120 for roses that normally cost $30 really mean he loves you? If you're answer is yes, you're destined to live a long lonely existence, never really knowing what love is. Oh and guys, isn't it a lot nicer to stay home on a Saturday night and walk into the bedroom to find your girl wearing some sexy lingerie, just because she wanted to do something special? It's nice on Valentine's day, but it's almost expected. I'd take it on June 3rd, August 29th or any day other and appreciate it that much more.
Maybe it's me, because I'm such a food snob, but when was the last time you got good service and a extraordinary meal, at a reasonable price, on Valentine's Day? Never! I've been to some nice places and they were mobbed, the waiters overwhelmed and the limited menu was garbage. Wouldn't take out, some fancy desserts and a hot shower together, before bed, be a lot more romantic?
The gift thing is also ridiculous. A star? First off, I lost count of the number of dope friends I have who have fallen for this one. It's really one of the sillier things out there. I mean it's romantic to sit, holding hands in the open air, looking up at the sparkling sky. But to point to one of the glowing dots and say "Honey, I bought this for you." That's just plain stupid. If you've bought a star for someone and you're reading this, grab your loved one and ask them to pick out the star you bought for them. If you break up, do you have to give the star back? Seems kinda useless to keep it. I wonder how many girls have more than one star. This is something I'd love to know. Seriously, the second time, how do you possibly act surprised or even excited? Here's my idea...I'm getting my marketing team working on this tomorrow (they are still trying to get my Spoon Man licensed). My new idea is "buy her a hydrant." Fire hydrants are pretty lame and boring. You could purchase the rights to ownership and paint it any way you like and present it to her. Just think, every time she drives by it, she'll know that is hers. Plus, she can see it and pick it out, not like the star. The best part is, the money could go towards town programs and help society. But here's the real genius. If you two break up, she still has the hydrant, but you get the satisfaction of knowing that dogs are pissing on her hydrant. Take that bitch!
Now I don't want you to think I'm bitter. This year, I'll be spending Valentine's Day without a beau. I'm not upset, because I'll probably be out, having some cocktails with some single friends or some married friends who have just ran out of silly things to do on the day of love. Don't cry for me. Because as I've found over the years, when you're in a bar on Valentine's Day and a nice looking woman sits down at the end of the bar, you know two things about her. She is single and she wants anything but to have to tell her friends she spent that night alone and if you're lucky enough not to be like everyone else, you might be spending next year with her.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for romance. I come across as a hard ass who only cares about pointing out the negatives in life, but the reality of it is, I am a helpless and hopeless romantic. No I don't put rose petals on the floor, light candles leading to the bedroom, or go online and buy stars (more on this later). No, I'll make an attempt at cooking and try to time it for when that special someone gets home. I'll get someone their favorite dessert or rent their favorite movie or maybe just do something they like. I enjoy this, but I refuse to do it on February 14th.
Ladies, when it comes down to it, you are all superficial. You don't want what the other girl has, you want more or better. We are a simpler gender. We want what can maintain our normal lives. We want food, sex and peace and quiet when we're watching the game. We want our "me time" and we want our special time, but we also don't want it dictated to us when and where this is to occur.
Now don't get me wrong, I've done the silly stuff. I've done the roses, the champagne, the chocolate, the romantic dinner. I've done it all and it sucks, because it's not from the heart. When it's from the heart, it comes to you on a whim. Wouldn't you rather come home from a hard day's work and be surprised by a quiet meal, some candles and a night of snuggling on the couch watching a movie? Doesn't that mean a lot more to you? Does having your boyfriend pay $120 for roses that normally cost $30 really mean he loves you? If you're answer is yes, you're destined to live a long lonely existence, never really knowing what love is. Oh and guys, isn't it a lot nicer to stay home on a Saturday night and walk into the bedroom to find your girl wearing some sexy lingerie, just because she wanted to do something special? It's nice on Valentine's day, but it's almost expected. I'd take it on June 3rd, August 29th or any day other and appreciate it that much more.
Maybe it's me, because I'm such a food snob, but when was the last time you got good service and a extraordinary meal, at a reasonable price, on Valentine's Day? Never! I've been to some nice places and they were mobbed, the waiters overwhelmed and the limited menu was garbage. Wouldn't take out, some fancy desserts and a hot shower together, before bed, be a lot more romantic?
The gift thing is also ridiculous. A star? First off, I lost count of the number of dope friends I have who have fallen for this one. It's really one of the sillier things out there. I mean it's romantic to sit, holding hands in the open air, looking up at the sparkling sky. But to point to one of the glowing dots and say "Honey, I bought this for you." That's just plain stupid. If you've bought a star for someone and you're reading this, grab your loved one and ask them to pick out the star you bought for them. If you break up, do you have to give the star back? Seems kinda useless to keep it. I wonder how many girls have more than one star. This is something I'd love to know. Seriously, the second time, how do you possibly act surprised or even excited? Here's my idea...I'm getting my marketing team working on this tomorrow (they are still trying to get my Spoon Man licensed). My new idea is "buy her a hydrant." Fire hydrants are pretty lame and boring. You could purchase the rights to ownership and paint it any way you like and present it to her. Just think, every time she drives by it, she'll know that is hers. Plus, she can see it and pick it out, not like the star. The best part is, the money could go towards town programs and help society. But here's the real genius. If you two break up, she still has the hydrant, but you get the satisfaction of knowing that dogs are pissing on her hydrant. Take that bitch!
Now I don't want you to think I'm bitter. This year, I'll be spending Valentine's Day without a beau. I'm not upset, because I'll probably be out, having some cocktails with some single friends or some married friends who have just ran out of silly things to do on the day of love. Don't cry for me. Because as I've found over the years, when you're in a bar on Valentine's Day and a nice looking woman sits down at the end of the bar, you know two things about her. She is single and she wants anything but to have to tell her friends she spent that night alone and if you're lucky enough not to be like everyone else, you might be spending next year with her.
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