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Almost Ten Things I Like About You

OK, I know. First the three types of guys, then sundresses. OK, so maybe I'm lonely. But it made me think about my likes. The little things that the fairer sex does to get our attention. Maybe it's what they wear or something they do, but there are some things that just grab hold of me and make me interested. Some are subtle, some are more direct. They all just add a little something extra to the package.

I have already beaten the sundress thing to death, but there are some other items I find very attractive. Baseball caps are a biggie. If a girl is wearing a baseball cap and has long hair, I find it a huge turn-on. Especially if they wear it so their ponytail hangs out of the back. That's just hot. Now I think guys who wear hats backwards and aren't 19 are for the most part, tools. Yes, I'm talking to you guido! If you're not a catcher, turn that lid around, buddy. But, there is nothing cuter than a girl with a hat on backwards. Not sure why, but it's just amazing.

I also like when girls wear soccer shorts. Especially if they are athletic. There's just something about a girl in soccer shorts and I honestly can't explain it. It's one of those things that isn't overtly sexy when described, but when you see it, it just is. You give me a girl with soccer shorts and long hair hanging out the back of a Red Sox hat and I may just get down on one knee.

It's not always clothing. So many girls these days are sporting way too much jewelry. Chains, multiple earrings, bracelets, rings on their fingers and toes. What is the point? To show you have extremities you don't know what to do with? To show you have money? To show that your boyfriend loves you? Listen sister, when you're boyfriend buys something out of the blue on numerous occasions, it's because he's cheating on you and his inner guilt is tearing at him, not because you're his boo. Yeah, I know, not everyone. Just like when guys buy flowers, just because. Just because they ogled some woman on the train for so long they actually felt like they cheated doesn't make it spontaneous. Although they might very well have been fighting some combustion. So you know what turns me on? When a girl wears no jewelry at all. It's a bold statement. It says, I don't have to accessorize to be noticed. I'm pretty damn cool on my own. No makeup and still looking good? Damn, that chick is a starter cap away from being my future ex-wife.

Perfume-less. That's right. Listen, we all sweat, we all give off odors. Not all are bad. And people have what are called pheromones. These bad boys make us attracted to others the same way a monkey is attracted to the hottie on the branch. Now climbing up a tree and having your way with someone probably isn't going to happen, but you have a better shot of instant chemistry that way, than meeting someone who smells like a flower garden made of whale vomit. You take my dream girl and let her give off a little Au natural aromatics. You got a winner.

Now, I know everyone on the planet falls for an accent. Heath Ledger being considered a good actor is proof of that. But there is something about an Irish brogue that just works. The funniest thing is one of my biggest pet peeves is when women curse. I find it a huge turn-off. But when someone when an Irish lass says "for fucks sake" or even drops a "that dumb cunt" it sounds sexy. Maybe it's because they pronounce it koont, but still. It's sexy. Maybe I'm more enamored now than usual, because I'm a little taken by an Irish girl, but still, it's damn hot.

Finally, there are the little nuances, the idiosyncrasies, that I find attractive. When a girl runs her hand through her hair once, while talking to you, it's sensual. When they do it over and over again, it's vanity and becomes a quite annoying. I also love when I make a girl laugh and while she's giggling she reaches out and gently touches my arm. That subtle message, telling me I've, if only briefly, won her over. It's magical. There are other little signs. When you're sitting with a male friend and a girl is sitting in between the two of you. She excuses herself and when she returns and repositions herself, she moves just a tad closer to you than she was before. It's little things like that which make all the difference. Finally there is being upfront. I don't want to date you for weeks to find out who you are. I want to know right away. There's something about spending a night talking to someone and having them look you in the eye and say that they like you, they don't want to play games and take the chance of missed opportunity. They want you to know how they feel. Games are for children. Strong emotions don't come along all the time. Not always having to be the first one to say something is a nice thing. It shows me confidence and conviction and honestly, sometimes that's a lot more attractive than a low cut blouse or a short skirt. But hey, if you're not going to pay me any mind and I have no chance. Those are perfectly fine accessories.

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