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Goodbye 2012 - A Look Back

2012 was in no uncertain terms, one of the worst for me personally.  Obviously, losing my mother, grandparents and a sister (sort of) was more difficult, but for me, just me, this was the worst year of my life.  I had to depend on others, I was in the hospital and way too many people I cared about died or had loved ones die. This year proved to me that getting older sucks.  I'm not going to dwell on that though. I'm going to look back on the good parts.

The best part of this year has been the time I've spent with family. I don't think I've ever been closer to my father, my brother or my grandmother.  I'm more distant with cousins and such than ever, but the core of who I am and why I'm the way I am is here, aside from my mother.  My mother would have been 70 this year and I cried a lot over her.  That being said, I laughed a lot more with family than I ever could have imagined.  I value them more than ever and they were there for me in so many ways when I needed it.

While some may see this as a negative, I also realized that we're alone in this world for the most part.  I needed to realize that.  Everyone is so concerned with themselves, but hide it behind this veneer of compassion.  I've come to realize that more people care about others to make themselves feel better than the person in need.  I won't go into specifics, because outing certain friends isn't my point, but when you need a pat on the back for showing compassion and call others out for not doing as you do, you don't get it.  Random acts of kindness aren't random if you need to be rewarded and praised for them.

Certain people, some very unexpected were truly there for me.  I hope I can return the favor should they need a lift in life. People who I thought would be there were at times, but it's a few who really showed me their true, beautiful colors that made the difference.  Should I ever need them, I'd almost feel guilty to ask, but hope they never hesitate.

My love life was put on hold in 2012 and while it hurts not to have someone to share with, it made me more aware of the other loves in life.  The platonic relationships that mean the world. I have a handful of beautiful women in my life, who I see as sisters. Women I can speak to when I need to, be there when they need and can just be near to make me feel better about my life.  Their value was strong, but stronger than ever.  I truly love them.

I'm thankful for my time.  I've learned more stuff this year through research and reading than in all my years of school. I know more about politics, religion, mental health, and various topics that most people would call a waste.  I know some have called me the King of Random Information, but when you start to know enough things about enough random information, eventually someone might just acknowledge it as not just being random.

I wont look back at 2012 with a smile, because it was a difficult year.  I will look at it as wobbly stepping stone. One that hopefully will make me see a sturdier and more enjoyable 2013.

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