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An Uncomfortable Future

Tomorrow is the last day of my after school program.  While I'm not certain, I believe I've been at the same school for 13 of the last 14 years.  There was a year hiatus where they went in another direction, but then asked me back, sans my old employer.  This year has been a rough year for me mentally.  I've been out of work full time for longer than I'd like to admit and the other part time stuff has been very temporary.  Some of it, not even technically work.  I also dealt with the death of my grandmother and some other personal stuff which really put me in a bad spot mentally.  Everyone knows what death, heartbreak and money issue are like, so sympathy is not what I'm looking for by any means.

Every year, especially those since that year I wasn't brought back, I worry.  In many ways, this job has held me back from  pursuing other things, but it brings me something no job has brought me since 2000 and that is sheer joy.  I've worked with kids in many schools and some have been good and some haven't, but the bottom line is, I've carved a niche in this school.  When I look at a first grader and I see his two older brothers or the little girl who tells me I taught her sister five years ago, it brings a smile to my face.  It not only means that they cared to talk about me at home, but that their siblings remember me.  It's important to me, because you can't put a price on that.

Tomorrow I will get a cab at 2:45. Arrive at the school and sit in the auditorium.  Soon after, 20 boys ranging from first to fourth grades will come in and they will be excited to play and they will do what they always do. They will bust each others chops, be mean to each other, be nice to each other and then play dodge ball for an hour. I will watch from the middle of the gym, doing my part as coach and referee.  Some will try and cheat and others will play with more honor.  Some will pick on one person and others will use strategy.  They'll leave and I'll set up for my tennis.  Two little girls and one boy.  They goof around like nobodies business, but unbeknownst to them, all three have progressed handsomely. As each class ends, I'll hand out the ceremonial lollipops.  I'll make my silly joke about the Dum-Dum pops being named after them and they'll return the lame insult.  I'll call a cab and this time pack up my stuff, as I do every year, not knowing if I'll be back and never knowing what the future holds.  It's not as easy as it sounds.

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