Skip to main content

Reflective Weekend

Finally getting back to work was great for my body and mind. The weekend of sitting, reading, drinking, and reflection was also just what the doctor ordered. Over the weekend, I made a mental list of things that make me happy and another of things that frustrate me. Many of them are truly a yin and yang, with one feeding off the other, causing me glee or anger. I'm working on that too.

I won't bore anyone with the tiny things, like being somewhat obsessive about dirty dishes or the fact I never make my bed unless I'm putting fresh sheets on, but even in that area, I am slightly obsessive about clean sheets and towels. I recently shared a bathroom with a guy who didn't clean his towels for six months. No, I'm not kidding. It's little things I do that make me happy but I've also realized I do these things for others not out of overall kindness but a desire not to be frustrated. These things are what most people don't even think about, and yes, I thought long and hard about that too.

The overall thing I came away with is somewhat depressing and it caused me to lose quite a bit of sleep. Almost my entire life, regardless of whether I was doing well financially or not, I've always been on major bill away from being penniless. If you read this and got a little confused, welcome to my world. Money. for the most part, means nothing to me. Sure, I need it as much as anyone else, but it's not what drives me and it never has. When I have it, I share it, and to the point of absurdity. When I don't, my giving ways end up hurting me. I've learned that things irritate me. Not events, but tangible things. I don't want things anymore. I actually go out of my way not to accumulate stuff because it's unimportant. I do miss having experiences though and while the children I work with every day fill that void to some extent, there's just so much I want to do and see. Therein lies the conundrum.

How might one who proudly has no tangible assets, experience all life has to offer, in a world where financial stability is the main source for allowing such experiences?

I stopped thinking and started drinking when I got to this point.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

White Privilege

This was a post I wrote on Facebook after surprisingly not seeing any moaning about the Documentary by Jose Antonio Vargas, titled White People Dayyum! I just scrolled my timeline and not a single white person got their feelings hurt by White People. I unfortunately haven't seen it, but the number of fake accounts that popped up on twitter, tells me it was a damn good show. Here's the thing. If someone of color aka non-white says "White Privilege," are you offended? If you said yes, then you are exhibiting white privilege. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or study, how you stayed out of trouble, because here's the thing, that is entirely the point. Somewhere out there, there are 100 Black, Spanish, Native American, Arab, Asian, who worked and studied as hard as you and never got in trouble, but they don't have what you "earned" or achieved. Stop looking at the one person you know who isn't white that achieved as your benchmark. Loo...
10 comments
Read more

Quickie Review - Finding Vivian Maier

While I thoroughly enjoyed the film, especially the first 15-20 minutes, I was a little bothered by the way the film played out. The interviews with the clearly disturbed brother, sister and the mother, who obviously, was in for a cut, didn't need to be in the film. Then the woman who suggested abuse, yet seemed to have her life defined by Maier, as she tried to muster every ounce of emotion and fake guilt. Her friend, more than happy to be party of the charade. People who talk about abuse for the first time, usually don't do so on camera. The fact these scenes were so prominent, shows that they felt wronged that they were not rewarded. Maloof on the other hand, seems to disappear from the documentary during this part, almost hiding away from the fact, he went from complete praise, to even making money off of her, to destroying her personal legacy. He almost mentions the family of boys taking care of her rent, as an afterthought. Her burial spot, never shown, yet a video of her...
7 comments
Read more

If You Listen To One Speech - Lana Wachowski

http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/videos/lana-wachowski-opens-up-about-difficult-past-and-attempted-suicide-20121024 Today I saw a link to a video for a speech by Lana Wachowski.  The last name rung a bell, but I could't put my finger on it. Lana, used to be Larry, one of the writer, director, producers of the Matrix trilogy, V for Vendetta and the upcoming Cloud Atlas.  Lana is transgendered and has "come out" as a woman.  She was being honored by the Human Rights Campaign. I didn't know what to expect when this broad woman with crazy hair and a raspy voice began to speak.  She began with the usual pleasantries and told of her hair dresser. She then tells of her desire to be a quiet person and how hard the success of the Matrix movies made this.  The first ten minutes is telling of how she's not quite ready to be this spokesperson.  Then she speaks about the new movie Cloud Atlas and reveals the heart of the movie and this speech. She states,"The resp...
Post a Comment
Read more