There have been times writing this blog when my inspiration for a topic comes from one person and more often than not, it's on a lot of people, most likely, society in general. That being said, in today's world, many people are sensitive to things they view as criticisms of their character. There, of course, is the irony in that these are most often those who despise the concept of political correctness and view their critique of others as the word of God, but find it scandalous for anyone to question their integrity, morals, or intelligence. These people always tend to be in the lower half of the intelligence scale.
As I age, I meet more people. It's the law of averages. I have my friends, my acquaintances, my co-workers, my bosses, and those I deal with for other reasons. Many times these categories cross over into one another. This, many times, causes more internal conflict than outer. I've always been open to people, but over the past seven or eight years, I've become a little more withdrawn. I'm vocal about things I feel benefit or harm others, but lay silent often about things that help or hurt me. For those who know the open me, you'd be surprised to know how much of a struggle this is.
In my life, I feel unappreciated most of the time. Ever since my mother died, it has dawned on me how different my life would be had she survived cancer. Many people describe their mother's as their rock, champion, or some other dynamic positive force, but my mother was my emotional anchor. She got me, which very few have. She knew when to let me go and when to reel me in. I wouldn't go so far as to say she was my moral compass because we did, in fact, have different values. The one thing she afforded me, was the power to use my voice, even against her. She showed me the power of expression and warned me about it. The one thing she reminded me often is that when someone has certain qualities and they gain an ability to present them, they must understand that not everyone will understand them; even more importantly, they won't try. They'll take what they feel you meant and turn it into their truth. This is a hard thing to grasp.
Yesterday, someone asked me something and it confused me. They asked me about a specific personality trait of a third party and I answered that I did not believe they possessed the said trait. They then went about their day and I went about mine. Later in the day, the question stuck with me. Not because of whom the question was directed or about my answer, but the very fact that the person who asked does not have this trait, nor does anyone that I know of who they surround themselves with. It would be like a serial killer asking if his cellmate was an empathic soul. While the question on the surface means nothing, the character of the one asking comes into question.
I wish I could speak to my mother about this. I think I know what she'd say and I also think she'd tell me to let it go. I think she'd see farther down the road than I do and see that to follow up and persist for my own philosophical needs would end badly. I'm trying to hear her voice but the question persists.
Later in the day, during a meeting, I heard someone lie. Nothing major, just a white lie, giving some self-adoration to his self, while I assume, trying to impress others. Bothered by this, I waited, then asked a favor of everyone, singling a behavior he exhibits daily as a major flaw, not only in anyone who does this' character but in our program. Not surprisingly, he was the most vocal in his agreement. This could go back to one of any number of blogs, social media posts, or in-person conversations. Do people really know their true selves or are they manufacturing a persona they either wish they had or want others to believe? The idea that they believe this troubles me. I have written about cognitive dissonance before and have had the unpleasant experience of having to deal with this in many areas. I am sure there are those who believe I suffer from it due to my view of certain attributes of myself and my lack of financial and relationship success. Who knows? Maybe they are right.
I use this blog at times, more for catharsis than making an actual point, but the question still lingers. Why would anyone ask someone to assess someone else, when they do not possess this characteristic themselves?
As I age, I meet more people. It's the law of averages. I have my friends, my acquaintances, my co-workers, my bosses, and those I deal with for other reasons. Many times these categories cross over into one another. This, many times, causes more internal conflict than outer. I've always been open to people, but over the past seven or eight years, I've become a little more withdrawn. I'm vocal about things I feel benefit or harm others, but lay silent often about things that help or hurt me. For those who know the open me, you'd be surprised to know how much of a struggle this is.
In my life, I feel unappreciated most of the time. Ever since my mother died, it has dawned on me how different my life would be had she survived cancer. Many people describe their mother's as their rock, champion, or some other dynamic positive force, but my mother was my emotional anchor. She got me, which very few have. She knew when to let me go and when to reel me in. I wouldn't go so far as to say she was my moral compass because we did, in fact, have different values. The one thing she afforded me, was the power to use my voice, even against her. She showed me the power of expression and warned me about it. The one thing she reminded me often is that when someone has certain qualities and they gain an ability to present them, they must understand that not everyone will understand them; even more importantly, they won't try. They'll take what they feel you meant and turn it into their truth. This is a hard thing to grasp.
Yesterday, someone asked me something and it confused me. They asked me about a specific personality trait of a third party and I answered that I did not believe they possessed the said trait. They then went about their day and I went about mine. Later in the day, the question stuck with me. Not because of whom the question was directed or about my answer, but the very fact that the person who asked does not have this trait, nor does anyone that I know of who they surround themselves with. It would be like a serial killer asking if his cellmate was an empathic soul. While the question on the surface means nothing, the character of the one asking comes into question.
I wish I could speak to my mother about this. I think I know what she'd say and I also think she'd tell me to let it go. I think she'd see farther down the road than I do and see that to follow up and persist for my own philosophical needs would end badly. I'm trying to hear her voice but the question persists.
Later in the day, during a meeting, I heard someone lie. Nothing major, just a white lie, giving some self-adoration to his self, while I assume, trying to impress others. Bothered by this, I waited, then asked a favor of everyone, singling a behavior he exhibits daily as a major flaw, not only in anyone who does this' character but in our program. Not surprisingly, he was the most vocal in his agreement. This could go back to one of any number of blogs, social media posts, or in-person conversations. Do people really know their true selves or are they manufacturing a persona they either wish they had or want others to believe? The idea that they believe this troubles me. I have written about cognitive dissonance before and have had the unpleasant experience of having to deal with this in many areas. I am sure there are those who believe I suffer from it due to my view of certain attributes of myself and my lack of financial and relationship success. Who knows? Maybe they are right.
I use this blog at times, more for catharsis than making an actual point, but the question still lingers. Why would anyone ask someone to assess someone else, when they do not possess this characteristic themselves?
Comments
Post a Comment