Below was my status/response to the post that has bothered me
Dear Friends,
This is important.
Many of you (at least a dozen) have shared this post and I don't think you fully understand how irresponsible it. I've seen it posted by some of my most sincere and compassionate friends and by some of my most selfish, but this is not why it is a bad post. The post is about mental health and I will post it so there is no confusion, then explain
Text of post: Reminder to ANYONE that my house is a safe zone Coffee can be on in minutes, or if you prefer tea or soda, no problem. I will always be available - even if we haven’t talked in a while. Even if you think it's weird, or we aren't on speaking terms. Text me, call me, message me, anything. I will be there. I am always a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Nothing is worse than being alone and going through things alone.
These types of posts seem to show that you care, and you may, but here's the problem with this type of thing.
1. It puts the burden of reaching out on the sufferer
2. It puts the burden of travel on the sufferer.
3. Those suffering often times find their own homes the only true safe zone.
4. The idea that a beverage somehow settles down the situation shows a lack of understanding of the sufferer's needs.
5. Many of you do not understand what ALWAYS means.
6. Many times those who need us don't necessarily want to be treated as special.
7. It also narrows the field of mental health to simply depression.
8. The post signals that one day may be a cure for something
9. What if this person's mental illness is something much different from what you believe it is?
Before you scoff, let me ask you these questions Have you ever reached out to someone and then spent every night for four months speaking on the phone, often the same conversation for weeks on end?
Have you ever had to leave on Christmas Eve to go pick someone up or just be with them?
Have you ever invited someone to every holiday you celebrate for over a decade, just because you care more about their safety than their friendship?
Have you ever been interrupted by them at your door at 2 AM and had to sit with them for days while they recover from whatever brought them there that night?
Do you have a plan on getting them professional help?
Are you in a place mentally where you can commit to them long term?
Are you willing to let them live with you for a few weeks, maybe longer?
Are you strong enough mentally to take on this very serious challenge, that you may end up losing?
Sorry if you take this personally, but I've lost too many friends to suicide who had the strongest support and tons of safe spaces to go to, but when they were left alone, the key factor was they didn't lack places to go, but in some cases lacked people who came to them. Sometimes they did and that's where our own mental toughness comes into play.
It takes nothing to copy and paste, but sometimes it takes giving up parts of your life for someone who is suffering. Very rarely will someone suffering from the types of mental health this post attempts to solve reach out. Most times they are waiting for you to show up at their door with coffee, the ear to listen, the shoulder to cry on, or more often than not, just to keep them company. It's not a copy and paste job, it's a life-altering change for both parties that takes so much longer than anyone can understand. It also doesn't always end well and when it doesn't, your left feeling emptier than you can ever imagine.
If you posted this and you're offended, take a step back and think about how well you'd handle dealing with someone on the ledge, if my post upset you. Feel free delete it or leave it, but at the very least question it's effectiveness before you do.
Dear Friends,
This is important.
Many of you (at least a dozen) have shared this post and I don't think you fully understand how irresponsible it. I've seen it posted by some of my most sincere and compassionate friends and by some of my most selfish, but this is not why it is a bad post. The post is about mental health and I will post it so there is no confusion, then explain
Text of post: Reminder to ANYONE that my house is a safe zone Coffee can be on in minutes, or if you prefer tea or soda, no problem. I will always be available - even if we haven’t talked in a while. Even if you think it's weird, or we aren't on speaking terms. Text me, call me, message me, anything. I will be there. I am always a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Nothing is worse than being alone and going through things alone.
These types of posts seem to show that you care, and you may, but here's the problem with this type of thing.
1. It puts the burden of reaching out on the sufferer
2. It puts the burden of travel on the sufferer.
3. Those suffering often times find their own homes the only true safe zone.
4. The idea that a beverage somehow settles down the situation shows a lack of understanding of the sufferer's needs.
5. Many of you do not understand what ALWAYS means.
6. Many times those who need us don't necessarily want to be treated as special.
7. It also narrows the field of mental health to simply depression.
8. The post signals that one day may be a cure for something
9. What if this person's mental illness is something much different from what you believe it is?
Before you scoff, let me ask you these questions Have you ever reached out to someone and then spent every night for four months speaking on the phone, often the same conversation for weeks on end?
Have you ever had to leave on Christmas Eve to go pick someone up or just be with them?
Have you ever invited someone to every holiday you celebrate for over a decade, just because you care more about their safety than their friendship?
Have you ever been interrupted by them at your door at 2 AM and had to sit with them for days while they recover from whatever brought them there that night?
Do you have a plan on getting them professional help?
Are you in a place mentally where you can commit to them long term?
Are you willing to let them live with you for a few weeks, maybe longer?
Are you strong enough mentally to take on this very serious challenge, that you may end up losing?
Sorry if you take this personally, but I've lost too many friends to suicide who had the strongest support and tons of safe spaces to go to, but when they were left alone, the key factor was they didn't lack places to go, but in some cases lacked people who came to them. Sometimes they did and that's where our own mental toughness comes into play.
It takes nothing to copy and paste, but sometimes it takes giving up parts of your life for someone who is suffering. Very rarely will someone suffering from the types of mental health this post attempts to solve reach out. Most times they are waiting for you to show up at their door with coffee, the ear to listen, the shoulder to cry on, or more often than not, just to keep them company. It's not a copy and paste job, it's a life-altering change for both parties that takes so much longer than anyone can understand. It also doesn't always end well and when it doesn't, your left feeling emptier than you can ever imagine.
If you posted this and you're offended, take a step back and think about how well you'd handle dealing with someone on the ledge, if my post upset you. Feel free delete it or leave it, but at the very least question it's effectiveness before you do.
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