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My Personality: From My Point Of View

We spend much of our time in judging, either out of reverence, disgust, or possibly measuring ourselves to others, either to improve ourselves or feel good about ourselves. I've written before about how little most of s know ourselves. How our perceptions, much due to social media, are a combination of who we are and who we think we are, much of which we've created in our heads as the ideal for who we want others to believe we are. This new technology, much like the theory people used to dream in black and white before television, has created a third realm of our persona, one that is almost completely false, despite some believing it fully. So here i go trying to break down who I really am. Feel free to eye toll or comment. Criticism is accepted, as long as it's constructive. I do feel that's a trait I possess, although I've put it on the shelf as of late.

Here are my views on the core personality traits.

I am an extrovert despite spending most of my awake time alone. This is almost entirely due to my locale and financial situation.

I am mostly agreeable, but I have learned to go with my gut when it comes to trusting others. First impressions matter and I do not believe people truly change who they first come off as being.

Conscientiousness may not me something I possess. I am known to act on impulses and I detest planning. I am goal-oriented but like to work alone. That being said, I do feel I am dutiful and will not let the team down, often doing other's work to complete tasks.

While I am stressed, I am the least neurotic person around. I refuse to even accept many of the things that malign me. I have experienced my share of sadness and at times I've let anxiety show its face, but this is when I rely on others. Something I didn't feel I needed in the past. It's helped and I try to reciprocate as much as possible.

Openness is almost always viewed as a positive but it has been my downfall many a time. At times, I too open, not only about myself but with my knowledge of things people didn't ask advice or information on. My experience working with kids and maintaining relationships with parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, has taught me that openness can have severe consequences when it offends others. It's a tightrope I've walked many times and have backed off in recent times, due to my inability to bounce back from those who might seek some sort of revenge from my insights.

While there are probably 1000 personality traits, some positive and some negative, I'll add some below and explain if necessary. Obviously, we're all a yin/yang of traits, so I'll leave out the ones I feel I straddle the fence on.

Positive:
Appreciative
Caring
Clean - but not neat. Definitely not neat!
Compassionate - I sometimes wonder if before going vegan I should have said this.
Constant
Courteous
Educated
Efficient - I procrastinate but I pride myself on my efficiency
Flexible - If you only knew
Freethinking
Generous - Although, right now, I am only able to be so with my time and energy
Hardworking
Honest - I used to think to a fault, but I lie often for other's benefit. That hurts me.
Humorous - Sometimes at the wrong times
Intelligent
Kind - Not the "random" kind
Objective - I'm still learning this one
Patient
Protective
Punctual
Rational
Respectful
Responsible
Self-critical, defacing, denying
Sociable
Sympathetic
Teacherly
Well-rounded
Witty

Negative:
Argumentative
Complacent
Conceited - I'm writing this aren't I?
Critical
Emotional
Irreligious - Is this a negative?
Outspoken
Political
Questioning
Sarcastic
Self-Conscious
Skeptical
Stubborn
Suspicious - Who isn't in today's world?
Transparent - Another I don't view as a negative

Finally the trait that bothers me most and has defined the second half of my life. Sedentary. Before I injured my knees, I was one of the most active people anyone knew. Sports, running, walking, working outdoors doing labor, then it all changed and as my injuries became a burden, I had to stop playing sports. This was something that affected me physically and emotionally. As the pain got worse, so did my anger, frustration, and my weight increased to the point where my physical activity was relegated to games at BBQ's. Since my surgery, I've added some movement and if I had money, I'd love to get back to playing golf, maybe joining a gym, and simply walking more. My current home is not exactly conducive to long walks in the winter, although I must admit, I did not take full advantage in the spring or summer, so I only have my self to blame. Athletic being replaced by sedentary has changed who I am. Much for the better, but emotionally, I'm not sure that's helped me one bit in my latter years.

So here's my view of myself. As I've mentioned many times, I write here to vent, to rant, to inform, but mostly I write for my own personal therapy. I often joke that people must live in homes (their own minds) without mirrors, so for 2019, I'm, looking in the mirror and this is what I see. Chances are, anyone reading this sees someone very different and one or two of you probably know I've been hiding the real me, almost daily, for four plus years. Knock Knock?








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