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Out of Touch

No, this is not a continuation of my thoughts and feelings about figures of speech. I mean this quite literally about how the lack of feelings creates many thoughts. The inability to feel and be felt can lead to feelings of insecurity and loneliness.

Most of those my age have spouses and children. They take physical touch for granted. Those of the younger generation give hugs to each other the way many used to shake hands or high-fives. Physical touch, especially an embrace, sets of all kinds of physical, biological, and psychological responses. It may even be a physiological need. It's something that babies need and as we get older, it seems to face. Especially those of us who live alone. Many will joke about older people and their relationships with their animals, but dogs, cats, and other animals provide many of us the joys we desire, without disrupting the lives of others. It is essential to who we are, not as individuals, but as human beings. Even the worst people show great affection to these creatures, because in many cases, they provide the only affection they receive.

Working with kids, there is almost incidental contact with other humans every day. At times, they are clingy, craving the same thing we all do. This most often stems from them simply missing a parent or family member, but is often a response to an uncomfortable or stressful situation, one in which they crave the comforts their mother and father give them, from someone they feel can be their surrogate. It's an almost involuntary reaction for the child and those adults who work with kids out of love, not a necessity or financial reasons. These moments, while important to our relationships with the children are not the same for us, as we are doing for others, and while there is a reciprocal appreciation, it's not felt the same as one would get by doing for their loved ones.

Like many of you, when I was a child, my mother would kiss my forehead often. It wasn't until I was an adult, it was often to check if I had a fever, but it became a habit, I looked forward to. A comforting signal I was safe and always would be. A good feeling to have before the lights went out and I drifted off into my thoughts. I remember vividly on her last day, I received that same kiss; this time at the age of 34. Later that night, right before and after she passed, I returned the kiss, hoping to give her the comfort she had given me all those years. I would like to think I succeeded, but I know it changed me. It was the last time I'd receive this and in some ways, it was the last time I'd feel that safety.

Certain situations, like seeing a mother pick up a child, two friends or coworkers embrace or maybe just sit close enough to be connected, or maybe strangers holding hands or kissing, sets off things that we all crave, yet some of us are missing in our day-to-day lives. It's not jealousy or envy, because we are actually triggered by memories of happiness., Although, I am sure for some, this is absent. today, there were two moments, both so innocent, so normal, and probably so insignificant in one pair's lives and so very significant in another's, that I couldn't stop thinking about that feeling and how long it's been since I've felt it. It was that touch, that we all expect, or at one time expected and it's absence made me conflicted by memories of happiness and the present thoughts of loneliness. My final memory of the evening was one of recent joy, of holding my niece's hand as we walked down the chilly sidewalk, and as she let go to take her mother's hand instead, I understood and knew, if I were her, I would too.

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