Hop's Thoughts

Culture. Culture has become a dirty word. Rape Culture makes men who question their own actions fire off insults at women and anyone supporting #MeToo. Drug Culture has most people condemning opioids and blaming everyone from mom and pops in Middle America to Big Pharma and the government. They also feel pot is the same, if not safer than booze. Something I have always found asinine, despite my support for its legalization. Pop Culture has blown up since the advent of social media and the race to be in the know  often makes some shun the hip references. Older people have no time or interest in it, even if it caters to their likes. Then there is gun culture. Which isn't actually a thing, due to the fact that guns are as American as baseball and apple pie. Unfortunately, gun deaths and mass killings are now as common as many of the things we pride ourselves on. Sadly, this has not been a deterrent for gun lovers, who blame the people with the guns, not the guns, never quite seeing th...

On Thursday, my job took a group of 25 kids, third, fourth, and fifth graders, on a hike. It was a short hike and part of the enticement was to find 100 little plastic monkeys. The monkeys were colorful and somewhat easily spotted, but had been strategically placed hanging from trees or hidden in holes made by woodpeckers, beavers, and other creatures of the wild. Oh yeah, and I got to hide them before work. I'm writing this, not for any sort of acknowledgment, because I got to take the walk through the woods twice. Once alone and once with the kids. Both were enjoyable for different reasons, but the best part of the entire day was being able to do it; without pain. Being able to share in these activities means the world to me and despite my knees feeling it later that evening, just being able to do it gave me a joy few understand. As I left work on Friday, my new assistant director thanked me for my hours put in and going the extra mile. She meant it metaphorically, but I fel...

I am starting to believe that my job needs to hire a urologist and a gastroenterologist. It's just not possible that every time there's work to be done, so many people have to use the bathroom and for lengths of time that oddly match the amount of time said work takes to be completed. What's even more astounding is how few people complain about this and how those who should be livid, seem oblivious to this ongoing scam. BTW, I peed three times yesterday, over the course of 10 hours. The most I've gone to the bathroom in one day since October! It's also amazing how often "adults" feel the need to use the bathroom when they are confronted, reprimanded, or simply asked to do something that matches their job description and their pay grade. Oh, don't get me started on hurt feelings.

People love to say they are not judgemental, but I believe we're always judging, How then can we decide who to befriend, trust, fall in love with, or ignore? Many people take time to figure out and often their first impression is not at all what they end up being. To be quite frank, this is most often the case. In time, given all the chances, I find that most people will let us down. Not in catastrophic ways, but I truly believe we, as a species, are innately selfish. Unlike animals in the wild, we're given everything early in life, and selflessness, compassion, and empathy are learned traits. I often wonder if there is something universal that can open our eyes, almost immediately, to who someone is. It is not fool-proof, but I have found one. A chair. How someone treats a chair, in respect to others, is a telling factor in how they treat people. Now, we're not here to discuss dating etiquette and how to treat someone else in regards to the chair, because societal rules...

I hate texts. I hate notes. I hate not being contacted, approached, confronted, etc in person. I am in a tiny minority of people who feel this way and an even smaller minority of people who do not contact, approach, confront, etc others this way. It's frustrating because what I've learned is, it's easy to ignore and if you ignore these methods enough times, people will do for you, instead of expecting you to change. I'll give one very simple example and put this to rest. In my lease, it states that my landlords will not clean up after me; specifically dishes. It would be simple to assume this also means I'm not expected to clean up after them. We all know what assuming means. While I'm not saying I'm asked to do so, I do have a bit of a dirty dish issue, and I find myself constantly taking care of other people's dishes, both at home and at work. I even do this at other people's houses, if they let me. But one day, while a little drunk, I cooked...

About two weeks ago, marked a decade that I've been writing this blog. I have somewhere around 1,400 posts and most have been read, or simply seen, by less than 30 people. I've had a number of comments over the years, mostly from strangers, or simply online acquaintances, and very few from people I've known personally. Of course, the comments from them often occur via forms of social media, but most of the comments have been positive. One thing that has always struck me is when the comments come, but I'll save that as not to blur my message here.  Over the last few years, I've gone from living in a tiny 180' sq foot apartment, to living with my father, briefly living in a motel room, to renting a room in a couple's house, then moving with them, when they bought a new house. I now have two additional roommates. To say my home life has been tumultuous would be an understatement. To say it's been happy would be a lie. For most of this time, I've had ...

My niece turns 3 today! It's going to be a day of mixed emotions because this will be the third birthday I've missed, the third birthday, I can't really afford to do what I'd like, and the third birthday, I will spend wondering if she remembers me, other than from a photograph. Since she was born, I've only had the chance to see her four times. My brother's family lives down south and their travels up here are few and far between and my travels anywhere have been nonexistent over the last four years. It breaks my heart to miss these years, because these are the best years. When I first got to see her, I wouldn't let her go. She fell asleep on my shoulder for two hours, while my sister-in-law got to eat a complete meal without getting up. My arms were heavy, my shoulder sweaty, but I wouldn't have traded that moment for any in my life. The next visit would come at Christmas, and then the next Christmas, a bitter time in my life, but a few hours of joy. ...

It's almost eleven years to the date when I heard a song, then I uttered something that received more ridicule than anything I've ever said. "The woman that sings this song, Just Dance, will be bigger than Madonna." I also watched A Star is Born last night and I'm pretty sure I was right. I've picked up a bad habit that I've always condemned in others. Staying current on "news" used to be considered a leisure activity. Now it's a high stress, non-paying job. I don't laugh nearly as much as I make others laugh. People should never underestimate the importance of group dynamics. I'm still protecting and defending those who've hurt me. I just realize, at the end of the day, they've brought it on themselves, while also bringing it onto me. I've dropped the ball with keeping up with my loved ones. For the first time in my life, I'm realizing my vices are who I am, but also who I will always be, and that's...

I know there are serious health issues in the world, but whether it falls under Cognitive Dissonance, Dunning-Kruger, or some other sort of disassociative disorder, I really do worry that the reality of people's world and the world they've created. Whether it be for themselves or for others, the divide between fantasy and reality, even when used as a defense mechanism is too wide. For someone to witness another's action and within a short span of time forget they performed such actions is one thing, but to literally believe that they performed those actions themselves is mind-boggling. How does one rationalize or convince themselves of completing tasks they never even considered attempting? How does one do something each and every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and convince themselves and others that they took no part in it?  We could look at our political structure and the news coverage of it, and base it on this, but how does anyone view a recording of someone say...

I've promised myself I'd laugh more in 2019, so I've been watching a lot more stand-up and I've also made decided to venture into some British (and soon American) TV series'. My film list might look a little slower, but nothing can be worse than the last two years. I am committed to getting back to exercising my mind and watching classics. Just not every night. I have Oscar winners to catch up on; some new, some very old. The Top Three: Winter, Sleep, First Man, The Age of Shadows The Bottom Three: Mandy, Neruda, The Innkeepers The Biggest Surprise: Eighth Grade The Biggest Disappointment: The Avengers Trilogy as a whole Best Series: River  Bird Box - Tense, amazing acting, social commentary, homages. It lived up to the hype! Marvel: The Avengers - Fun, tons of action, corny humor. Comic book comes to life Avengers: Age of Ultron - nowhere near as much fun as The Avengers. Spider-Man: Homecoming - Great fun despite the lack of a bigtime villain. ...

I've been critical of someone for a few months now. I'm still critical at times of their work ethic and their choices, but now, knowing more about their situation and what they do just to be present, I have softened my stance. Yesterday, this person, who I never expected was that  person, played a prank. The timing of it was suspect but hilarious, but the effort to achieve it deserves respect. As someone who still feels young at heart, I have a very changed view of this person. Sometimes it's just being silly when the rest of the world is serious, that allows us to see the real you. It also made glaringly clear the difference between silliness and childishness. Job well-done!

We all hold grudges and we all understand that the person holding the grudge suffers far greater than the person the grudge is held against. It's an inner fire that is always lit, often being stoked by the sight or mention of those we hold a grudge. It's a painful and debilitating way to live and for those of us who harbor long-lasting grudges, it takes a toll just as any sickness or injury may. Most grudges end friendships or relationships and thus, the burden of carrying them is not one that we're brought to face very often. The problem is when one must face that person every day. Grudges can turn to hatred, even malice, and problems arise when we let these feelings become stronger. Holding a grudge means we're living in the past, which in most cases, limits our ability to progress. Letting go is never easy, and I'm not about to preach any methods or systems of thought that make it easier, because I'm in the dark on this one. So much of my life revolves arou...