I hate texts.
I hate notes.
I hate not being contacted, approached, confronted, etc in person.
I am in a tiny minority of people who feel this way and an even smaller minority of people who do not contact, approach, confront, etc others this way. It's frustrating because what I've learned is, it's easy to ignore and if you ignore these methods enough times, people will do for you, instead of expecting you to change.
I'll give one very simple example and put this to rest. In my lease, it states that my landlords will not clean up after me; specifically dishes. It would be simple to assume this also means I'm not expected to clean up after them. We all know what assuming means. While I'm not saying I'm asked to do so, I do have a bit of a dirty dish issue, and I find myself constantly taking care of other people's dishes, both at home and at work. I even do this at other people's houses, if they let me. But one day, while a little drunk, I cooked and left eight grains of rice and one slice of mushroom in the sink. This was met with a note: "Clean Up Your Mess!" I immediately cleaned it up. The next day, I jokingly left a note asking them to clean up something that had been on the dining room table for five weeks. The problem with notes is, there is no tone. They did not realize it was a joke and an overheard conversation discussed throwing me out. This, after almost two full years of cleaning up their messes daily. The very next day, a dirty pan and dishes were strewn all over the kitchen and in the sink. I left them, and there they sat for almost 72 hours. Yes, really1
So why is this bothering me now? Because we actually had house rules posted for us, because a new tenant, a young adult with no respect for either himself or others, is an inconsiderate slob. But there's one major difference between he and I that goes well beyond DNA and age. He doesn't care. He ignores their texts, their notes, and even the rare occasions they speak to him out of frustration. He doesn't clean up after himself, he doesn't respect noise complaints, and he does what he wants with no cares about anyone but himself. So how do they combat this behavior now that they realize the written word carries now weight? They clean up after him.
This morning, one of my landlords thanked me for emptying the dishwasher (something I do approximately nineteen out of every twenty times it's done) and followed it with "I was going to do that when I came down." But, he was down and made no effort to empty it, until I had told him where his mug was. The very mug, he said, "Oh, they're in the dishwasher." As if opening the door would open a Pandora's Box of responsibility he couldn't possibly handle. He grabbed the two mugs and walked away, and as he turned for the stairs, I noticed the kid's sneakers, which had been kicked off in the doorway, had been put away in the closet.
I'm sure if he ever read this, I'd receive a note or a text asking me to move, because apparently doing for others is expected, but commenting on it is disrespectful.
I hate notes.
I hate not being contacted, approached, confronted, etc in person.
I am in a tiny minority of people who feel this way and an even smaller minority of people who do not contact, approach, confront, etc others this way. It's frustrating because what I've learned is, it's easy to ignore and if you ignore these methods enough times, people will do for you, instead of expecting you to change.
I'll give one very simple example and put this to rest. In my lease, it states that my landlords will not clean up after me; specifically dishes. It would be simple to assume this also means I'm not expected to clean up after them. We all know what assuming means. While I'm not saying I'm asked to do so, I do have a bit of a dirty dish issue, and I find myself constantly taking care of other people's dishes, both at home and at work. I even do this at other people's houses, if they let me. But one day, while a little drunk, I cooked and left eight grains of rice and one slice of mushroom in the sink. This was met with a note: "Clean Up Your Mess!" I immediately cleaned it up. The next day, I jokingly left a note asking them to clean up something that had been on the dining room table for five weeks. The problem with notes is, there is no tone. They did not realize it was a joke and an overheard conversation discussed throwing me out. This, after almost two full years of cleaning up their messes daily. The very next day, a dirty pan and dishes were strewn all over the kitchen and in the sink. I left them, and there they sat for almost 72 hours. Yes, really1
So why is this bothering me now? Because we actually had house rules posted for us, because a new tenant, a young adult with no respect for either himself or others, is an inconsiderate slob. But there's one major difference between he and I that goes well beyond DNA and age. He doesn't care. He ignores their texts, their notes, and even the rare occasions they speak to him out of frustration. He doesn't clean up after himself, he doesn't respect noise complaints, and he does what he wants with no cares about anyone but himself. So how do they combat this behavior now that they realize the written word carries now weight? They clean up after him.
This morning, one of my landlords thanked me for emptying the dishwasher (something I do approximately nineteen out of every twenty times it's done) and followed it with "I was going to do that when I came down." But, he was down and made no effort to empty it, until I had told him where his mug was. The very mug, he said, "Oh, they're in the dishwasher." As if opening the door would open a Pandora's Box of responsibility he couldn't possibly handle. He grabbed the two mugs and walked away, and as he turned for the stairs, I noticed the kid's sneakers, which had been kicked off in the doorway, had been put away in the closet.
I'm sure if he ever read this, I'd receive a note or a text asking me to move, because apparently doing for others is expected, but commenting on it is disrespectful.
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