Last night, before I said goodnight to Swag, he was curled up next to m. Allowing me to pet his back, scratch under his chin and behind his ears for a while, he then grew bored, rose, and repositioned himself towards the other end of the bed. Looking at me, he let out a sigh, then lowered his head onto his paws and closed his eyes. I continued to speak to him, giving him assurances and reminding him that this would be his last night on this bed, inside this room, and in the house, we've called home for seventeen months. He, much more relaxed than I, did not open his eyes again until I woke in the middle of the night. As I stared into the darkness, my worries were nearly all for him. A new home, a brand new world for him, and a new human to interact with. Oh, and did I mention a large dog?
This morning he woke and he's now outside. His routine unchanged, for now. Tomorrow will be different and I'm praying for rain. A full week without the human and the dog will give him a false sense of security, but will it give me the same? I am excited about this move, not simply for change, but for the chance of being appreciated, both as a person and as a housemate. I hope a newfound sense of respect will carry over to my work, where I too feel unappreciated. Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, it kickstarts an entire existence where I feel I'm treated as I treat others. I won't hold my breath, but I will hope. Most of all, I hope Swag is happy. I hope he finds a friend in the dog and I hope he harbors no resentment towards me for taking away many of his freedoms. There will be no cool basement to sleep in or familiar, open backyards to hunt in. There will be more people close by, even kids, and many other dogs and possibly other animals, such as horses. There will gates and fences, and unexpected cars and voices that will not be familiar. I do hope more than anything he will be OK. It is at this point where some may assume I'll keep him inside, but after three years of the most freedom and indoor cat could possibly have, I owe him better. It may turn out as I hope and it may not and for that, I'd live with the grief forever. He, like myself, like all of us, have but one life to live, and who am I to do anything to hinder his happiness, his freedom, and his experiences. I can only protect him so much, like a parent, letting seeing their kids off to school, for hours, then days, then for weeks and months. Eventually, they leave, and while cats and dogs are more centered than humans, if it is this which he chooses, I simply hope he is safe and happy.
I will sleep in a new bed tonight. I hope with the same sheets and comforter I have used for two and a half years. I hope Swag chooses to nestle into my chest, like he did as a kitten and often does when he knows I'm worried. I will try to feign confidence, but I too will be scared. I know this move is only temporary, and another is right over the horizon and will come much quicker than I am ready for. It is this too which causes me concern. How long will it take for him to adjust and then leave what he knows for another adventure? How long will it take me? For those who consider pets family, please understand, that he is not the other, he is it. He is the only living being I call family that I get to see every day. He, for those who might not understand, is my world and I would like to believe I am his. I just hope no matter what changes occur to our outside world, nothing changes inside, because I don't know where I'd be without him.
This morning he woke and he's now outside. His routine unchanged, for now. Tomorrow will be different and I'm praying for rain. A full week without the human and the dog will give him a false sense of security, but will it give me the same? I am excited about this move, not simply for change, but for the chance of being appreciated, both as a person and as a housemate. I hope a newfound sense of respect will carry over to my work, where I too feel unappreciated. Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, it kickstarts an entire existence where I feel I'm treated as I treat others. I won't hold my breath, but I will hope. Most of all, I hope Swag is happy. I hope he finds a friend in the dog and I hope he harbors no resentment towards me for taking away many of his freedoms. There will be no cool basement to sleep in or familiar, open backyards to hunt in. There will be more people close by, even kids, and many other dogs and possibly other animals, such as horses. There will gates and fences, and unexpected cars and voices that will not be familiar. I do hope more than anything he will be OK. It is at this point where some may assume I'll keep him inside, but after three years of the most freedom and indoor cat could possibly have, I owe him better. It may turn out as I hope and it may not and for that, I'd live with the grief forever. He, like myself, like all of us, have but one life to live, and who am I to do anything to hinder his happiness, his freedom, and his experiences. I can only protect him so much, like a parent, letting seeing their kids off to school, for hours, then days, then for weeks and months. Eventually, they leave, and while cats and dogs are more centered than humans, if it is this which he chooses, I simply hope he is safe and happy.
I will sleep in a new bed tonight. I hope with the same sheets and comforter I have used for two and a half years. I hope Swag chooses to nestle into my chest, like he did as a kitten and often does when he knows I'm worried. I will try to feign confidence, but I too will be scared. I know this move is only temporary, and another is right over the horizon and will come much quicker than I am ready for. It is this too which causes me concern. How long will it take for him to adjust and then leave what he knows for another adventure? How long will it take me? For those who consider pets family, please understand, that he is not the other, he is it. He is the only living being I call family that I get to see every day. He, for those who might not understand, is my world and I would like to believe I am his. I just hope no matter what changes occur to our outside world, nothing changes inside, because I don't know where I'd be without him.
Comments
Post a Comment