"Never judge a book by its cover."
It's probably the most known, written about, and repeated old adage I know. It's something grandparents, parents, and teachers use as a teaching method about acceptance there is. It's also the most underused lesson we learn. Almost everyone prejudges others, but some make assumptions based on these judgments that change relationships before they get started.
Now, this is the part where I know I will sound slightly conceited.
Over the past ten years, but especially over the last three, I've realized that what I project is often not at all who I am. The person people first see, even the person they see daily, is not always the complete package of who I am. Much of it, I must admit could be labeled a fault of mine, but I think it says more about others than myself. I also try very hard to allow others to feel comfortable and often, in comfort, not only do their flaws surface, but their judgments.
I am 49.
I have Rosacea.
I am overweight.
I have bad teeth.
I have grey hair.
I dress casual, even when I go out.
I don't have a lot of clothing.
I don't wear name brands.
I eat simple foods when out.
I am vegan, but not always perfect.
I speak very simply.
I have bad handwriting.
I don't have a college degree.
I don't have a well-paying job.
I don't own or rent my own home.
I have an old car.
I am obsessed with Swag, my cat.
I don't have much social life.
I am poor.
I am talkative.
I am opinionated.
I am not religious.
I am not married.
I do not have kids.
I like to drink.
This is what people see and hear in the very first moments and continues until I'm comfortable enough with them to know they've not judged and want to move forward. Another old adage is "You never get a second chance to make a first impression," but I've always felt, if the real me isn't enough, then is this really someone I want to be associated with?
Based on the above characteristics, I've come to realize that people think many negative things about me and often, when I turn the tables on their perceptions, they think I'm lying, exaggerating, or they are so taken back, they flee or simply ignore me, wishing to preserve their inaccurate portrayal of me. I go through it every day. I've lived with it, worked with it, and socialized with it. I'm always trying to learn, whether it be a fact about something or someone, and letting down my guard has always been the best way. The problem is, letting down that guard allows others to attack me, even if it's only in their own mind. I know who I am and I'd like to think I'm more self-aware than nearly all whom I meet, but is there power in that if those who are not self-aware judge me incorrectly?
It's easy to judge others immediately and inaccurately and be content in accepting people as you see them, regardless of right or wrong, but I've learned that once you do this, you must accept that when they decide to prove you wrong, you must also accept they may be better, smarter, stronger, or simply more aware than you and if you wish to continue a relationship of any kind, you must admit your judgments have been premature and that you failed to heed an old adage, you've been taught and probably preached to others about. I think the biggest paradox for me is knowing at a moments notice I can flip the switch on someone and knowing I gain nothing but a fleeting moment of satisfaction, while they enjoy a lifetime of feeling superior.
It's probably the most known, written about, and repeated old adage I know. It's something grandparents, parents, and teachers use as a teaching method about acceptance there is. It's also the most underused lesson we learn. Almost everyone prejudges others, but some make assumptions based on these judgments that change relationships before they get started.
Now, this is the part where I know I will sound slightly conceited.
Over the past ten years, but especially over the last three, I've realized that what I project is often not at all who I am. The person people first see, even the person they see daily, is not always the complete package of who I am. Much of it, I must admit could be labeled a fault of mine, but I think it says more about others than myself. I also try very hard to allow others to feel comfortable and often, in comfort, not only do their flaws surface, but their judgments.
I am 49.
I have Rosacea.
I am overweight.
I have bad teeth.
I have grey hair.
I dress casual, even when I go out.
I don't have a lot of clothing.
I don't wear name brands.
I eat simple foods when out.
I am vegan, but not always perfect.
I speak very simply.
I have bad handwriting.
I don't have a college degree.
I don't have a well-paying job.
I don't own or rent my own home.
I have an old car.
I am obsessed with Swag, my cat.
I don't have much social life.
I am poor.
I am talkative.
I am opinionated.
I am not religious.
I am not married.
I do not have kids.
I like to drink.
This is what people see and hear in the very first moments and continues until I'm comfortable enough with them to know they've not judged and want to move forward. Another old adage is "You never get a second chance to make a first impression," but I've always felt, if the real me isn't enough, then is this really someone I want to be associated with?
Based on the above characteristics, I've come to realize that people think many negative things about me and often, when I turn the tables on their perceptions, they think I'm lying, exaggerating, or they are so taken back, they flee or simply ignore me, wishing to preserve their inaccurate portrayal of me. I go through it every day. I've lived with it, worked with it, and socialized with it. I'm always trying to learn, whether it be a fact about something or someone, and letting down my guard has always been the best way. The problem is, letting down that guard allows others to attack me, even if it's only in their own mind. I know who I am and I'd like to think I'm more self-aware than nearly all whom I meet, but is there power in that if those who are not self-aware judge me incorrectly?
It's easy to judge others immediately and inaccurately and be content in accepting people as you see them, regardless of right or wrong, but I've learned that once you do this, you must accept that when they decide to prove you wrong, you must also accept they may be better, smarter, stronger, or simply more aware than you and if you wish to continue a relationship of any kind, you must admit your judgments have been premature and that you failed to heed an old adage, you've been taught and probably preached to others about. I think the biggest paradox for me is knowing at a moments notice I can flip the switch on someone and knowing I gain nothing but a fleeting moment of satisfaction, while they enjoy a lifetime of feeling superior.
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