Hop's Thoughts

When does admiration, love, respect, beauty, happiness, intelligence and commitment become obsession?  I guess it's when one person feels the need to understand everything there is to know about all the people in their lives and those people feel it necessary to only share what they feel is necessary at that time.  This can go for family, friends and lovers.  In my life I've let few into my real world.  I have let many into exterior world, but few have I let view the real me.  The difference isn't that vast, but it's enough that I shade the reality from public perception.  Sadly that perception is the majority opinion and when one is let into this world, they do not realize that the mask I wear to others was not meant for them.  What does it all mean?  Someone once said not to judge a book by it's cover.  I use humor and sometimes outlandish behavior to mask a much more quiet and introverted soul.  The person I am behind closed doors i...

Well my beginning of the year predictions (which I didn't blog until August) were way off.  I had three of the four AL teams right, but Boston let me down.  I only had Philadelphia correct in the NL.  Sad.  So here's my updated predictions for this years playoffs, AL Yankees over Detroit in Five.  Verlander goes 1-1.  Loses game five in NY. Texas over Tampa Bay in three.  I like Tampa's pitching, but hate their inconsistent bats. Yankees over Texas in six.  C.J. Wilson goes 2-0 and that's it. NL Philadelphia over St. Louis in four.  St. Louis is hot, but the Philly pitching is crazy. Arizona over Milwaukee in Five.  Ian Kennedy is a beast and should win the Cy Young. Philadelphia over Arizona in Five.  Halladay and Lee available twice.  Kennedy only once. World Series Philadelphia over Yankees in six.  I honestly, sincerely believe that the pitching is going to be too much for the Yankees.  They survive o...

You ever think about the times in your life now and think about how lucky you are there haven't always been camera phones?  Today, kids (and some adults) take pictures of everything.  There are no secrets with Facebook and Twitter and all the other social networks.  People text, they sext, they send naked pictures to each other.  The Internet is filled with scorned boyfriends and girlfriends pictures in provocative poses.  Sometimes it's a little more innocent, but none the less embarrassing.  I think back to earlier times (and some not earlier and I'm glad there weren't cameras readily available. I think about some moments at the beach sunbathing.  I thank goodness the cameras stayed in the bags. I think about the number of fights that I've been in that would have been caught on tape. I think about the times I might have run into an alley to puke during a bad night of drinking.  I think about the time friends broke into a dorm room while ...

As I come down the homestretch of week two of the new me, I have come to realize with clarity comes recognition.  Not by others, but self recognition.  I've realized while changing something minor in myself, that it's the major things that will always be left behind.  As I struggle with the loss of a relationship, the weakening of some friendships and the reality of more and more time spent alone, I realize there are things about me, I just can not change.  Some I wish I could, some I can not. I can't change my compassion.  I feel for people.  Especially those in need.  I am usually the funny guy in the room, but when the chips are down, I turn into the one who puts his hand on your shoulder and offers you support.  Tonight I did that and it wasn't wanted.  I understand.  Everyone needs a break from reality.  I guess I was so used to taking that break every day, that my instincts slowed me down to be the caretaker.  Maybe it'...

In the past ten years I haven't once woken up after a night of drinking with a hangover or headache.  In the past 10 days, since I stopped drinking, I've woken up with a migraine three times. I couldn't afford my car at one point, so I refinanced it. One day after the final payment was mailed out, I totaled it. I had never stretched before playing a sport in my entire life.  The first time I ever did was in a basketball class at Manhattan College.  I blew out my ACL two minutes into the game. I once made a college baseball team that was returning JC Championship runner-ups.  I was one of two non-returners to make the team out of a pool of forty (impressive being I never played HS baseball and these were all HS all-stars).  When they congratulated me, they explained that I had to drop all my class load down to six credits.  I never played baseball again. I skipped third grade because I was really smart.  I got left back in tenth because I was re...

This is not a bucket list.  I do not desire to jump out of a plane or climb Kilamanjaro.  I don't even want to see the Great Wall, unless it's the one in Fleetwood and I'm ordering boneless spare ribs.  No these are things I'd like to do for the reaction. I'd love to walk into a nursing home lobby where everyone always seems to congregate.  I'd hold up a a whip and a ball gag and say "did anyone leave this in the dining hall?" Or pretend to be a health inspector and close down a young child's lemonade stand for health violations.  I'd give them a phony summons and say "being cute only gets you so far.  And stop crying!" I would like to go into a bar with nine friends all dressed like cowboys and order ten beers and tens shots, drink them down and throw a gold filling on the bar and walk out. I'd like to walk into Lord & Taylor and go up the escalator and right as the perfume ladies come over, spray them with a fire ext...

It's been a while since I've jotted down some of my inane thoughts.  This week has been one of minor and major revelations and I feel some of them need to be voiced.  I'm sure the four people that read this are waiting for something profound along the lines of "I think, therefor I am."  Ain't gonna happen. You're stuck with this crap. During a recent GOP debate in Florida, Rick Santorum made derogatory comments after a video of a gay soldier was played.  Spectators booed the soldier and then cheered Santorum.  While I agree that I could care less who the guy fighting next to me is fucking, his comments had deeper meaning and the fact he's still a candidate says a lot about the moral fiber of this country. Especially Florida. If four babies, one white, one black, one Spanish, and one Asian were born on a remote island all alone, would they grow up to believe in a God?  Would they be racist?  Would they be homophobic?  Would they be friends or e...