Hop's Thoughts

We all claim to despise routine. We see ourselves as vigilantes towards the mundane.  The reality is that it is not ours which we despise, but conforming to others.  I am a night owl, so the daylight hours bring me nothing but headaches and real world drama that warrants my attention. I desire not, to take long walks and look at birds. I don't like sipping tea, while gazing lovingly at the beautiful women who pass by.  I desire none of that.  I desire my bed; alone with my daydreams.  Dreams of evening filled with caviar, pate and champagne appetizers.  Stimulating conversation on which classic is superior, Citizen Kane or Texas Chainsaw.  Biting into lamb chops while listening to Beethoven, Bach or the Black Keys.  Sipping a Cabernet while listening to someone tell me of their child's first steps, while slightly ignoring them to gaze in wonderment at the girl across from me.  I wish to end my dreams, not with some debaucherous orgy, but with...

I had my Netflix copy of Bully at home for a two weeks and didn't get around to it.  I finally watched it on Monday and it's taken me this long to write about it.  Here was my issue.  I didn't want to watch it when I was going to see my kids the next day.  With a week off, I figured I'd watch it and then react with an open mind.  It's taken me four days to get around to it. First off let's get to the topic.  School bullying.  It's a topic that is nearly impossible to study for a multitude of reasons, but the reality is, it's been around forever and we've accepted it into our lives, just as we have sexual abuse and multiple forms of discrimination.  What we don't like to talk about is the effects of bullying, because they are, at times, catastrophic.  The movie tackles all of them. Bully, as far as documentaries go, is not exceptional in it's delivery or it's editing.  Watching the bonus material will explain what I mean.  Where ...

We've all been there.  Maybe it was in high school. Maybe it was college or after.  Hell, maybe it was in 6th grade.  Remember that first time, you had a special someone and it ended and you had no control and neither did they.  I remember leaving my school in eighth grade.  I knew I'd only be miles away, but deep down I knew I'd never get to date Jenny.  We'd been in school for five years together and I had a crush on her for two. Distance tore us apart. Then there was the girl in high school.  I liked her, but she didn't like me that way.  Friends I was told.  The pain consumed me.  I laid awake thinking about her.  It wasn't meant to be and I had no control and it tore me apart.  The girl in college.  I liked her, but my age wasn't what she was looking for.  She was 19 and I was 26.  Age tore us apart.  The girl in camp, I was too afraid to talk to. Years went by and who knows if she was interested. I was...

I feel at peace right now.  Had an absolutely unexpected and delightful conversation with someone tonight I talked to someone at length that I have seen a million times, but never really talked to. I stood my ground today. I spent more money than I planned, but all on things that matter. I am tired. It's 2am and I hope to sleep til 10

I am becoming obsessive compulsive about all the wrong things.  I needed to find something today, but couldn't.  Did I look this evening?  Of course not.  I had three phone calls I should have made today, I made one.  I needed to do about six loads of laundry and my apartment needs a serious cleaning.  I did two loads and tried to find out some information about some random thing I started looking up the night before.  I spent 30 minutes trying to find an article I read a few days ago.  I'm a mess. Tonight, I had a direct plan.  Speak to my father between 7-7:30. Start dinner and eat it.  Sit down and watch a movie from 8-10, another from 10-12, then one from 12-2.  Then go to sleep.  I was dead set on this being my evening.  I called my father and there was no answer.  So I made dinner. I ate dinner and started a conversation online with someone.  Next thing I know it's 8:45.  I start my movie. My father ...

When I first saw "starring Robert Pattinson," I declined.  Then I remembered who wrote the novel (Don Delillo - White Noise, Libra and Underground) and decided to give it a try. Cronenberg's direction and a friends suggestion helped my decision. Usually, I refrain from any spoilers, but I need to break this down myself, so feel free to skip this if you feel it will sway your views.  I'm writing this, because the reviews I've read, even those of professional movie critics, such as Roger Ebert, seem to have missed the point.  Maybe I'm the one who has and the movie is just as simple and somewhat scattered as it appears.  I'm not basing any of this on any reports or reviews, but on some quick research, I did right after viewing, in many ways to make sure I understood it. My feelings are that the movie has nothing to do with Eric Packer, Pattinson's character.  Everyone in the film is a group of people, a corporation, a government or more likely, an em...

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the things I don't have.  Way too much to be honest.  I don't mean materialistic things, because that isn't a care for me at all.  I mean the little things in life.  It dawned on my recently how long I've been without a significant other.  I was happy with it for a bit, but the other night, while at dinner with seven couples, it kind hurt a little.  The little things like feeding someone a bite of your food, the little hand on the knee or a quick kiss on the cheek.  Those are the things I was missing. I love my freedom, but I also remember how much better I slept at night, knowing someone else was in my life.  I also miss my brother terribly.  We had started to spend a lot more time with each other, because he was doing me a favor and we spent a lot of time with my dad and grandmother.  He's joined the Army and it sucks not being able to call him up.  That combined with the fact, I'm t...