OK, I've been writing about the real me a lot lately and I'm sure the four people who read this are thrilled with that, but it's about time I griped about some shit that has really been getting under my skin. We all love lists, so here's my current top ten list.
1. People who repeat the same stories over and over again - I like to drink. I occasionally run into someone I saw the night before in a drunken stupor and start to recant a story I already told them. They stop me and I apologize for my drunken memory loss. Why do some people feel it necessary to continue their story when you tell them. Or, what about those people who always do it. It makes me wonder if they have done anything else in their lives other than these few things. Just go out, run in traffic and then if you make it back, tell me about that.
2. Cell phone conversations in public that are too loud - I know I don't and I'm pretty sure nobody else cares about your plans for later in the evening. I even wonder if the person on the other end cares. If my friends called me to tell me what they were doing and didn't invite me, I'd ask them politely to go fuck themselves. Unless it's to some nudie bar or a date, I don't need this information. I especially don't need it when I don't know you. So go outside or talk in a low voice and ramble about your useless plans.
3. People's late excuses - listen, if you're late by five minutes, I don't care. If you're late by 20 minutes, I'm assuming there is a reason. Please, once you arrive, I don't need a twenty minute story about why you're twenty minutes late. Just tell me you're sorry and go about your day. Why do people think it's necessary to describe traffic? Where the hell do these people think I'm from?
4. Girls who wear revealing shirts but get mad when you stare at their boobs - Are they serious? I realize during a conversation it's not polite to stare, but if I'm sitting at a bar and you're sitting across from me and every time you move I'm about a centimeter away from seeing nipple, I'm gonna stare. Even if I'm in a conversation, don't give me that "my eyes are up here" because I know where they are, but they aren't hanging out like they have a life of their own and if they were I'd stare at that too!
5. Guys with sports jersey's that have their names on the back - I know in our minds we're all closet major leaguers, but just get the players name on it. You went through the trouble of spending $200 on an authentic Derek Jeter jersey and then you turn around and it says "Smith." It just looks stupid. Even worse is the nickname thing. Oh, I love the Beltran jersey "Crusher." Oh and misspelling a word as a nickname to make it phonetically correct is just annoying. Ok Krusher!
6. UGGS - hated them before in an earlier post, hate them now. Honestly, I'm not really interested in finding out, but when people say they are really warm and then wear them on 60 degree days, I'm thinking. Wow, it must be nice to get her home so when she takes off her shoes it smells like the New York Knicks laundry basket. Plus, unless you're ice fishing they really don't go with anything.
7. People who tell me I didn't understand a movie, because I didn't like it and they did - Listen I watch more movies than almost anyone not getting paid to watch movies. I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than most people (yes that's conceited but I have tests to prove it, haha). So don't tell me that because I disliked The Hangover, I didn't get the jokes. A four-year-old would get the jokes, and that is why I didn't like it. When I didn't like Shawshank Redemption people told me it's because I didn't get it. What's not to get? Guy is wrongfully imprisoned, he does what he needs to to survive, he never gives up, he escapes, he meets his buddy on a beach. End of a very hollywoodesque story. What I hated especially was all the religious symbolism, but most of those who questioned me didn't even pick up on that. So who didn't understand the movie? Would those same people who questioned my understanding ever be able to understand Papillion or La Grande Illusion or even all the intricacies of O Brother Where Art Thou?
8. This never ending squabble I have with people about the news - I understand you. I get it. You are republican and by law you have to hate the NY Times and MSNBC and must watch FOXNews because it's the only news channel that caters to what you want to hear. I truly understand this. What I don't understand is how people watch shows that say right off the bat they are opinion shows and not news. They spin charts and graphs and misquote people almost every second they speak and people regurgitate this dreck as facts, because the stations motto is "fair and balanced." No news is fair and balanced, because they need to make money. All news shows now cater to a specific audience. What I laugh at is that people will say to me that they don't read the times because it's so liberal. So you read the News? The Post? Our country is involved in two wars and every day the headlines are about Tiger Woods' penis. Even FOXNews didn't waste much time on this one. Here's a thought. Watch them both, or go on their websites. Then say to yourself, how could two stories about the same event or issue be so vastly different. Then do some more research and find out what the truth is, or at least what the facts are. Then make educated decisions based on your findings. I'll be damned if I'm going to have anyone tell me how to think. Unfortunately people are too lazy to learn on a day to day basis.
9. Commercials where the girl is way out of the guys league - what's with this? Every commercial seems to have some aging, slightly bald guy with this beautifully fit woman who is easily 10 years younger than him. Sure this happens on occasions, but pretty much when couples get married, you say, I get it. Very rarely, unless the guy is a rock star or pro athlete will you see what you see on TV.
10. Not having a computer at home - If I was home, I'd be watching TV, eating and probably sitting in my boxers. Unfortunately I'm at work, no other sounds but the rain pelting the window, starving, and due to some silly work related dress code, I'm fully dressed. One of these days, I'll get the damn laptop.
1. People who repeat the same stories over and over again - I like to drink. I occasionally run into someone I saw the night before in a drunken stupor and start to recant a story I already told them. They stop me and I apologize for my drunken memory loss. Why do some people feel it necessary to continue their story when you tell them. Or, what about those people who always do it. It makes me wonder if they have done anything else in their lives other than these few things. Just go out, run in traffic and then if you make it back, tell me about that.
2. Cell phone conversations in public that are too loud - I know I don't and I'm pretty sure nobody else cares about your plans for later in the evening. I even wonder if the person on the other end cares. If my friends called me to tell me what they were doing and didn't invite me, I'd ask them politely to go fuck themselves. Unless it's to some nudie bar or a date, I don't need this information. I especially don't need it when I don't know you. So go outside or talk in a low voice and ramble about your useless plans.
3. People's late excuses - listen, if you're late by five minutes, I don't care. If you're late by 20 minutes, I'm assuming there is a reason. Please, once you arrive, I don't need a twenty minute story about why you're twenty minutes late. Just tell me you're sorry and go about your day. Why do people think it's necessary to describe traffic? Where the hell do these people think I'm from?
4. Girls who wear revealing shirts but get mad when you stare at their boobs - Are they serious? I realize during a conversation it's not polite to stare, but if I'm sitting at a bar and you're sitting across from me and every time you move I'm about a centimeter away from seeing nipple, I'm gonna stare. Even if I'm in a conversation, don't give me that "my eyes are up here" because I know where they are, but they aren't hanging out like they have a life of their own and if they were I'd stare at that too!
5. Guys with sports jersey's that have their names on the back - I know in our minds we're all closet major leaguers, but just get the players name on it. You went through the trouble of spending $200 on an authentic Derek Jeter jersey and then you turn around and it says "Smith." It just looks stupid. Even worse is the nickname thing. Oh, I love the Beltran jersey "Crusher." Oh and misspelling a word as a nickname to make it phonetically correct is just annoying. Ok Krusher!
6. UGGS - hated them before in an earlier post, hate them now. Honestly, I'm not really interested in finding out, but when people say they are really warm and then wear them on 60 degree days, I'm thinking. Wow, it must be nice to get her home so when she takes off her shoes it smells like the New York Knicks laundry basket. Plus, unless you're ice fishing they really don't go with anything.
7. People who tell me I didn't understand a movie, because I didn't like it and they did - Listen I watch more movies than almost anyone not getting paid to watch movies. I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than most people (yes that's conceited but I have tests to prove it, haha). So don't tell me that because I disliked The Hangover, I didn't get the jokes. A four-year-old would get the jokes, and that is why I didn't like it. When I didn't like Shawshank Redemption people told me it's because I didn't get it. What's not to get? Guy is wrongfully imprisoned, he does what he needs to to survive, he never gives up, he escapes, he meets his buddy on a beach. End of a very hollywoodesque story. What I hated especially was all the religious symbolism, but most of those who questioned me didn't even pick up on that. So who didn't understand the movie? Would those same people who questioned my understanding ever be able to understand Papillion or La Grande Illusion or even all the intricacies of O Brother Where Art Thou?
8. This never ending squabble I have with people about the news - I understand you. I get it. You are republican and by law you have to hate the NY Times and MSNBC and must watch FOXNews because it's the only news channel that caters to what you want to hear. I truly understand this. What I don't understand is how people watch shows that say right off the bat they are opinion shows and not news. They spin charts and graphs and misquote people almost every second they speak and people regurgitate this dreck as facts, because the stations motto is "fair and balanced." No news is fair and balanced, because they need to make money. All news shows now cater to a specific audience. What I laugh at is that people will say to me that they don't read the times because it's so liberal. So you read the News? The Post? Our country is involved in two wars and every day the headlines are about Tiger Woods' penis. Even FOXNews didn't waste much time on this one. Here's a thought. Watch them both, or go on their websites. Then say to yourself, how could two stories about the same event or issue be so vastly different. Then do some more research and find out what the truth is, or at least what the facts are. Then make educated decisions based on your findings. I'll be damned if I'm going to have anyone tell me how to think. Unfortunately people are too lazy to learn on a day to day basis.
9. Commercials where the girl is way out of the guys league - what's with this? Every commercial seems to have some aging, slightly bald guy with this beautifully fit woman who is easily 10 years younger than him. Sure this happens on occasions, but pretty much when couples get married, you say, I get it. Very rarely, unless the guy is a rock star or pro athlete will you see what you see on TV.
10. Not having a computer at home - If I was home, I'd be watching TV, eating and probably sitting in my boxers. Unfortunately I'm at work, no other sounds but the rain pelting the window, starving, and due to some silly work related dress code, I'm fully dressed. One of these days, I'll get the damn laptop.
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