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New Year's Resolutions - How am I doing? Uh-oh

As we all do, I set some resolutions in December and it's halfway through 2012.  Sure, the year seems to have been a blur, but then again, so was 2011.  As we get older, the years go faster and faster.  Even when we are going through the monotonous grind.  So with the year nearing it's middle, I decided to look back at my resolutions, which I declared must happen.  Things aren't looking very good.


I  was 20 lbs away from the weight I was at when I hurt my knee, but unfortunately was going in the wrong direction.  I had gotten as close as 12 lbs away, but unfortunately the last few weeks has seen a gain, and as of Monday, I was 19 lbs away.  I can do this.

I claimed I'd be more active about finding a career, but one that suited me. As of yet, there is nothing out there and I am getting desperate and might have to take what I can get.  Even if it's a job and not a career. I had thoughts, more like delusions of writing a book, but my inability to concentrate on one subject has thrown that out the window.  Still looking and getting a little desperate.

I needed to address my sleeping issues and had wanted to curtail my late night activities.  Chatting on the phone til 4:30 in the am last night, probably is a good indication that I'm not achieving in that area.  I've seen more sunrises in the last six months that ever before and trust me they are not the romantic variety.

I wanted to become a better listener. In many ways I think I have.  Many conversations with people that used to be one sided, have pretty much become mutual.  I have had some friends go through some things and while I haven't always been there for them during the whole time, I do believe I've been better at listening without commenting, at times to my own internal frustration.

I promised myself that I would treat myself once a month to something special, such as a fine dinner or a play or event.  This has been a complete wash.  The best meal I've had this year, has been nothing better than a friends BBQ. Great food and friends, but not the kind of thing I was thinking about.  Totally failed on this one.

I promised I would try to see the best in every situation.  While I have made the best of some, I hardly have seen the best.  Much of this has to do with my own dire situation and being able to see bright lights and rainbows when everything else is bleak has been a test.  Not always a fail, but it's been a struggle.

Finally, I said I would look before I leap, because it has always hurt me.  Not only haven't I not leaped, but I have backed off the ledge many a time.  I have become someone I'm not.  Someone who is afraid to immerse myself in anything.  So this is a tough one.  I find myself reverting back to old ways, where I got hurt leaping the first time and I can't seem to help it.  Would love to get up the courage to leap, but not sure I'd look this time either.

2010 sucked.  2011 was worse in many ways.  2012?  Well so far, it's been more of the same and a little more of the worse.  Trying to keep my chin up and have made the best of it in some instance and made it worse in others.  Hoping for a better second half.

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