Hop's Thoughts

I've written about my dislike of this holiday, but not for the reasons most would think. I've written about the silliness of people not being able to be their wildest, other than this night. I've written about how so many costumes reveal so many layers for some and hide some for others. The reality is, I do like Halloween from a kids point of view and as someone who has been or at least tried to have been, a role model.  My problem has always been the adults, but I don't want to think about that right now. This is the first time in a decade and a half that I won't get to see "my kids" dressed up. I won't get to see the hilarious things they think up, like "Zombie Batman" or "Figure Skater Princess." I won't get to ask the kids, who costumes are painfully simple, "What are you supposed to be?" Only to be told something completely different than what they appeared to be. This is what I will miss and while some of you m...

Every day of my life I have laughed off serious events that could or did impact my life. That is not to say I did not take them seriously, but I have always looked at things from the "what's the worst case scenario" viewpoint. Now don't misunderstand, I do not go into things assuming failure or even anything other than success, but in my mind I always ask myself, what is the worst that could come of it. So, you'd assume I'm going to talk about something bad happening. Nope, that is not at all the case. What I've noticed recently is that people all around me put so much importance in nothing.  The weather, the traffic, what to have for dinner, is my kid dressed warmly enough, etc. Listen, I get safety, health and the enjoyment of life, but the stress over every little thing in life, doesn't only affect the one doing it, but it tears at those of us who don't really care. I'm not saying we don't care about those we love and are friends with,...

So funny, seeing things from afar. Even those I didn't normally see in person, I see so differently. The sun shined today, seemingly the first time in a week, but not really. I felt fatigued, even symptoms to that in which, knock on wood, I haven't experienced in two years, maybe even three. The scraping sound of a ladder, familiar to my memories, sounded outside the window. Finally the slumber began and I awoke, still groggy, but aware. The ache was gone, but the cloudiness remained and for the first time in ages, I took a pill to relieve the pain. A nice dinner and a better baseball game put me in a brighter mood. I really started thinking later in the night and it made me realize that so much of what makes us happy in this world is simply our ability to shut off our cares. In many cases, to turn off our brains. Some are masters of this and some it comes more naturally, but it is, albeit not one I desire, a true gift. I also thought about how other's decisions, even in th...

Most people I know do not care about knowing the truth or facts, they only care about being the one who passes along information. I wonder if I could privately ask people why they use social media (honestly), what their reason would be.  I don't think people without a sense of humor, realize how much fun the world can be. Even during the hard times.  So many of us spend time thinking of mistakes and regrets, but if we really think about it, we've probably dodged more bullets than missed boats.  You know when you sit by yourself reading, sipping some coffee or tea and you don't think about anything, but what you're doing? That!

I try not curse on social media or in my blog. I find it's immature, but holy fucking shit. How is it possible that out of 594 people, I couldn't find one positive original post in two full days. Sure there was the obligatory "my kid is so fucking cute (because you probably feel guilty for punishing them)" daily pics or the "I loved this so much I had to share it" or the usual "I am doing this fucking nothing for this bullshit charity, which I'm not even sure is real, but I look like a kind soul, so fuck it, I'll post this ribbon or wear this shirt or whatever" picture, but I mean original thought. Not a single, "hey today is going to be a good day" or "I'm proud of myself for not being a total fuckwad" or maybe even "you know what, my kid ain't perfect, but he tried so hard today." Nothing. Not one single post like that. So what I started doing was blocking all the shared links that people share daily....

As I listen and read the comments from people and the in-depth look into their lives, I have to question everything they say. How can your family be so strong, but you are always so angry, upset or stressed. How can someone be so upset at everything around them and so comforted by their kids, spouse or loved ones?  My support system has always been small and even in the deepest depths of sadness and stress, it's those moments with them, if even just to hear their voice, that I gain strength and perseverance to move on. I've come to the sad realization that I am in a very small minority. I'm in now way belittling anyone who is going through anything difficult, but it seems to me those problems wouldn't be nearly as catastrophic had they the support of even a single individual, who really had their backs. In many ways, this blog is just a continuation of what I write about so often, which is reality vs perception. We so desperately want people to see us as perfect, but ...

Originally posted as a Facebook status for my red majority friends. Now you see why people hate me. I don't exactly do Facebook properly.  As promised....like anyone where I live(d) cares, they just swallow the red pill and they're done. Well, it appears the conservatives are getting wise. Every election, they request, report and pound us over the head with unrelenting information about polls. WHY? They know that if they report that a democratic candidate is winning, historically that means that liberals will not go out to vote. Thus making the election closer and in many cases, actually throwing the election to their side. It's hard to believe this, but that liberal media you keep hearing about is generally owned and operated by a conservative with conservative ads and conservative messages. It's only that when it's not, we hear about it. So, it's been brought to the attention of anyone paying any, that no major polls have come out in two weeks. So I asked...

Someone had posted this on Facebook as somewhat of a challenge. To think of the five things that have happened that have altered your life. I commented before they had written, that this is interesting, but it has the potential to become five things that happened to other people that affected you. She wrote two versions. I'm actually going to try and write one, sticking to what has happened to me directly. My being adopted. Nothing in my life had a larger and more positive affect on my life. Has everything gone the way I'd write it from the beginning? Of course not, but the life I was afforded is the life I know and I wouldn't change the upbringing and the love I've been shown in my life for anything. Acceptance into St. Ann's. At the time, while living in Brooklyn, St. Ann's was legendary. Considered by most to be the best school in the five boroughs and by many to be the best school in the state. While I was too young to really understand the magnitude, I ...

I was a little down in the dumps Tuesday night. I didn't sleep that well and woke up feeling the blahs. I had a pretty quiet, uneventful day and then watched some baseball. A great game and an outcome that pleased me. That being said, the weight of a few things were getting to me and that was going to be that. Nothing I could do. Then I had dinner. A glass of wine, some spinach, fingerling potatoes and a delicious piece of lamb. It's funny how the tiniest thing can change your mood. For me, it's food or children. Nothing can get me out of a funk faster, but when it's food that does it, nothing works better than lamb. The more simple the preparation, the more lamb taste, the happier I am. I just wish the feeling it gave me lasted longer than the time until the next meal.

Rigor Mortis is not your typical horror movie by any means. It's comes off as comical at times and delights more in visuals than storytelling. The convoluted plot is both an homage to previous films, known as the Mr. Vampire series, which is rich in ancient ghost stories and a specific type of vampire. Where the film excels is in it's visuals. The dark, desolate building comes alive with creatures and visions, which keeps the viewer enticed enough to get past the lulls. The violence and scares are minimal, but the acting is solid enough to care about the character, but just don't care too much about the why or you'll be scratching your head for days.

Yes, I know, most of you are on your way to work and cursing the thought of another Monday. If it makes you feel any better, just think about all the kids who are thrilled to death. Then think about the fact that at no point in their entire educational lives, whether it be from schoolteachers or parents, will they ever be taught about the atrocities committed by Columbus. Feel better? Well, this was the oddest weekend I've spent in Ithaca. Friday night, I dined alone and watched baseball. Saturday, I spent the day in somewhat of a lull, watching more baseball, having a nice steak for dinner and then having the single worst sleep I've had since I've been here. I dozed twice during the day, but watched the first full football game and I'm pretty sure, football is the worst it's ever been. The playing, the coaching and the officiating is so poor that the product that is so beloved is tarnished in a way, it's criminal element could never have done. I will miss bas...

This 1976 slasher film is supposedly based on a true story about a killer that was never caught, so we kind of know going in how it will end. That shouldn't matter to most as it is very apparent this isn't going to be an award winner. The odd thing is it's mesmerizing. It's so simply shot and the dread that the townspeople feel isn't really overdone. The kids who are at the mercy of the attacker do exactly what kids would do...try and get lucky as opposed to being smart. The movie stars nobody recognizable, other than to true movie buffs, but one, Dawn Wells. She ironically is the worst actor in the film. The main characters are actually pretty decent, in that they don't achieve to be anything more than normal folks. There are two or three scenes of humor that some might find silly, but I found fun. The big letdown are the attack scenes, with one ranking right up there with some of the most silly ever filmed. If you're looking for a good movie, skip it, ...

Friend or Unfriend that is the question. Not mine. I have simple rules. Lie about me, insult me unnecessarily or out of malice or curse at my friends and you're gone. About ten have gone. People who have unfriended me, I'm a little less clear on. One couldn't handle being proven wrong all the time and when he made it personal, I called him on his hypocritical ways and that was it. Another blocked me, well, I know the truth, but we'll take the higher road. The last two I'm at a loss. One, eh, sorta understand, but think the person is being very childish. The other comes as a shock and not sure it's not a mistake, but not really in the mood lately to discuss why or why not we're all friends in life, If things were different right now and if I had more outlets for social activity, the site would be a thing of the past. As it is, despite posts, I spend very little time reading things. I try to read certain people's post, because I am concerned about their li...

I miss the rainy days under blankets, but not the different schedules I miss the late night meals, but not the late night arguments I miss the sound of someone else breathing, but not of the snores I miss the calls to say goodnight, but not the hangups I miss the dinners for two, but not the meeting "friends" I miss the intimate talks, but not the second hand gossip I miss the mutual emotions, but not when they're the best friend's I miss the feeling of being needed, but not when I was the one in need I miss the feeling of being wanted, but not to do chores I miss the feeling of family, but not always theirs I miss the fantasy about the future, but not the reality of it's bleakness I miss the companionship, but not the tax it took on my solitude I miss the warmth, but not the cold when I needed it I miss the simplicity of happiness, but not the complexity of what you wanted it to become I miss everything about it, but not the who I miss being alone,...

It's been three months since I arrived in Ithaca and in the first two months, I barely remembered a single dream. Since then, I've had some very vivid dreams about different people and oddly enough, they haven't been the people that have been the most important in my life over the past few years. I also haven't dreamed about anyone who has given me grief over the last few months and sadly, even with my absence physically, they have far outweighed the others. I also haven't had any involving the people that I normally dream about, which leads me to believe a good part of me has let them go, for better or for worse. My dreams have been rather subdued, despite being weird. I think the weirdness comes from how ordinary they have been and knowing I'm someone who usually has dreams that make The Cell look like staring at a blank wall. I've also found that these aren't people I normally even think about during the waking hours, which makes their inclusion all...

I will probably expand on some of these in the near future, but it's been a rough week mentally and can't seem to concentrate on anything other than baseball. Sad, hmm? It's amazing how much you see people for who they are from afar. I'm not singling anyone out, but I mean see people in general. I think back to my years of working summers away from home and even then I'd get a letter, a call, etc. Nowadays everyone is so concerned with themselves, other's lives are completely unimportant. I guess in my attempt to wait some people out, I'm no better. Seeing things only through the lines of Facebook, I bet I could predict with razor sharp accuracy, the next break up, divorce, adulterous indiscretion (or at least the attempt), friend split, sickness, nervous breakdown or worse. I used to reach out to people, but I'm starting to see through the lines and now only do so for those I truly fear for. I'm wondering when a law will be made about posting ...

What the hell is wrong with people lately. Nobody gives a flying fuck what anyone has to say, about their opinions, their thoughts, their hopes, dreams, passions. They just wait in the wings to say what they need to say and then walk away, if you are lucky. If not, they stay to stick you with verbal pins and needles. Hoping to burst some bubble they think you have. Then, should you have the gall to stand up for yourself, they spew vitriol and claim untruths as their holy grail. I'm done with it. I'm done with it in person. I'm done with it via social media. I'm done with it in any form people choose to pursue it. I have bigger fish to fry. I have real problems. I don't need so-called friend adding to my woes. I don't need faceless clowns and jokers feeling that my life is worth belittling for their amusement, when they themselves look so sad and so alone. I usually reach out for those people, but I'm tired of it. Tired of being some sort of emotional gauze...

Last night, bored and in need of a movie that was less than 90 minutes, I chose this one from Netflix. I picked it, because it was a Roger Corman film, Vic Morrow was in it and how do you possibly ignore a title like this. So what did I expect? A run of the mill, poorly acted, poor makeup and maybe some homely looking girls and boys getting it on. What did I get? A trip back to the 80's. The film has the most ridiculous premise, but somehow actually works for about 80% of it. There is the usual 80's attempt to add social commentary into the mix, this time Native Americans being run out of their territory, mixed with an absolutely implausible plot. There were some familiar faces, most recognizable being Vic Morrow, who just has a face you want to hate. Where the movie really took me back was the excessive, if fake looking gore. In out current attempts to make things realistic, we sometimes forget how great it was to see someone getting their face chewed off. Then of course the...

Katharine Isabelle! Should I stop right there. Here's the thing. It's really a combination of two movies. One is The Strangers, which aside from the final scene, is absolutely dreadful and it's also similar to You're Next, which is one of the best horror films of the past five years, maybe more. Hell, maybe top 20 ever. Aside from the kid, it's actually not poorly acted. The problem is the killers and the reasoning for the killing. Which, in most cases in real life, has no reason, so why do we need one. The reasoning in this one is shady at best. There are some unanswered questions, but the reality is we don't care. True B-movie fans will be upset that there is no nudity and very little actual gore. In this, the movie is barely a slasher film. Like so many recent horror movie, it's not terrible, but they missed so many opportunities.

This blog. Over 900 entries and read by probably 100 people ever. Some more popular than others. Some from friends. Some by family. Some from strangers, kind enough to comment. So many of these posts have been for me. Some have been in the hopes that someone might gain something from them and even fewer were for the hopes someone out there might notice and even engage in a discussion. Even my one unknown "fan" seems to have disappeared. And yet, here I am, alone with this silly site at 3:30 in the morning, bored. Hoping someone will answer, but I know better. The world filled with so many sleepless nights, yet none of the darkness' friends reach out. Oddly enough, in a world where their lies, deceit and online infidelity can be hidden, they slumber away. Only to wake, crying of their insomnia and laying out all, between paper thin lines, that only the dim the surround themselves with can't see.