Someone had posted this on Facebook as somewhat of a challenge. To think of the five things that have happened that have altered your life. I commented before they had written, that this is interesting, but it has the potential to become five things that happened to other people that affected you. She wrote two versions. I'm actually going to try and write one, sticking to what has happened to me directly.
My being adopted. Nothing in my life had a larger and more positive affect on my life. Has everything gone the way I'd write it from the beginning? Of course not, but the life I was afforded is the life I know and I wouldn't change the upbringing and the love I've been shown in my life for anything.
Acceptance into St. Ann's. At the time, while living in Brooklyn, St. Ann's was legendary. Considered by most to be the best school in the five boroughs and by many to be the best school in the state. While I was too young to really understand the magnitude, I wasn't only accepted, but offered the opportunity to skip third grade. To go into the benefits, would come across as cocky and conceited, but the reality is, the 8th graders I left in the early 80's were smarter and better read than most of the seniors I left in the late 80's. It's not mean, it's a fact. I learned more in my five years there than I did even in college.
Tearing my ACL. At the time, I thought I had hurt myself badly, it would be fixed and I would recover and go about my life as I always had. No single moment would change my life more. Today, I can't enjoy sports, which was my true love. I can't run. I can't bend. I can, in all honesty, not sit, stand or walk without excruciating pain. I can't even put a sock on my right foot without nearly passing out. People think it's an exaggeration, but it's also limited what jobs I can apply for and that has hurt my life incredibly.
The Adoption Process. The adoption process completely broke my heart at 9 years old. My parents had adopted a baby girl and for 29 days I had a baby sister named Lora. That love was taken away when the biological parents changed their mind, which by law, was their right. As I sat holding her for the last time, I felt the single worst pain I had and would ever feel. To have someone taken away, not from sickness, age or any stroke of bad luck or bad behavior, but by no fault of my own. This story does have a silver lining, in that without that pain and suffering, I never would have been afforded the luck of having my brother adopted. For that, I can't be any more thankful. I hate fucking cliches, but sometimes bad things happen to good people for a reason and that reason isn't clear until the dust settles. The entire processed hardened me, but it prepared me for anything and everything life had to send my way.
My mother's cancer. To say this was a hardship would be laughable. I didn't suffer the sickness I witnessed. To for even once complain about what I went through would make me a selfish cunt. My mother, off an on for almost a decade, battled this disease and the strength she showed amazed me. Her death, a decade ago, was also not a life changing event in many ways, because I was prepared for it. Missing her every day, just reminds me what I knew already and that was just how special she was to everyone, not just me. So why was this event life altering? The responsibility, the trust and the appreciation that was cast upon me was overwhelming. Despite the weight being unbearable at times, it showed me that all our lives are important. I was in a dark point during one of the down moments for her and the feeling of being needed taught me so much. I grew up during that time and it showed me that it might not always be evident and appreciated with words, but the feeling that your life meant something immeasurable to another, is hard to describe.
People view me as a negative person, because I'm a realist, who calls a spade a spade. I don't mince words and I don't sugarcoat the bad shit. That being said, I try my hardest to take something from everything in life. I try to learn each and every day, to the point where it is, I believe, negatively affecting my life. I could have sat and written ten pages of negatives that have happened to me, my family and my loved ones. I could have taken negatives and looked for the same kind of sympathy every looks for day in and day out on social media, but that isn't me. I don't need to walk a mile in anyone's shoes, because mine aren't only worn out, but I can walk no more. This isn't a cry for help, but in invitation to lean on these shoulders, because the number of people I have reached out to recently who have shown me their problems are only skin deep amazes me. Yet, I still offer. Over and over again. I know my place on this earth and I know what I have to offer. If no one takes me up on it, so be it, but I'm at peace with what I've endured and what the future holds and how I will handle it.
My being adopted. Nothing in my life had a larger and more positive affect on my life. Has everything gone the way I'd write it from the beginning? Of course not, but the life I was afforded is the life I know and I wouldn't change the upbringing and the love I've been shown in my life for anything.
Acceptance into St. Ann's. At the time, while living in Brooklyn, St. Ann's was legendary. Considered by most to be the best school in the five boroughs and by many to be the best school in the state. While I was too young to really understand the magnitude, I wasn't only accepted, but offered the opportunity to skip third grade. To go into the benefits, would come across as cocky and conceited, but the reality is, the 8th graders I left in the early 80's were smarter and better read than most of the seniors I left in the late 80's. It's not mean, it's a fact. I learned more in my five years there than I did even in college.
Tearing my ACL. At the time, I thought I had hurt myself badly, it would be fixed and I would recover and go about my life as I always had. No single moment would change my life more. Today, I can't enjoy sports, which was my true love. I can't run. I can't bend. I can, in all honesty, not sit, stand or walk without excruciating pain. I can't even put a sock on my right foot without nearly passing out. People think it's an exaggeration, but it's also limited what jobs I can apply for and that has hurt my life incredibly.
The Adoption Process. The adoption process completely broke my heart at 9 years old. My parents had adopted a baby girl and for 29 days I had a baby sister named Lora. That love was taken away when the biological parents changed their mind, which by law, was their right. As I sat holding her for the last time, I felt the single worst pain I had and would ever feel. To have someone taken away, not from sickness, age or any stroke of bad luck or bad behavior, but by no fault of my own. This story does have a silver lining, in that without that pain and suffering, I never would have been afforded the luck of having my brother adopted. For that, I can't be any more thankful. I hate fucking cliches, but sometimes bad things happen to good people for a reason and that reason isn't clear until the dust settles. The entire processed hardened me, but it prepared me for anything and everything life had to send my way.
My mother's cancer. To say this was a hardship would be laughable. I didn't suffer the sickness I witnessed. To for even once complain about what I went through would make me a selfish cunt. My mother, off an on for almost a decade, battled this disease and the strength she showed amazed me. Her death, a decade ago, was also not a life changing event in many ways, because I was prepared for it. Missing her every day, just reminds me what I knew already and that was just how special she was to everyone, not just me. So why was this event life altering? The responsibility, the trust and the appreciation that was cast upon me was overwhelming. Despite the weight being unbearable at times, it showed me that all our lives are important. I was in a dark point during one of the down moments for her and the feeling of being needed taught me so much. I grew up during that time and it showed me that it might not always be evident and appreciated with words, but the feeling that your life meant something immeasurable to another, is hard to describe.
People view me as a negative person, because I'm a realist, who calls a spade a spade. I don't mince words and I don't sugarcoat the bad shit. That being said, I try my hardest to take something from everything in life. I try to learn each and every day, to the point where it is, I believe, negatively affecting my life. I could have sat and written ten pages of negatives that have happened to me, my family and my loved ones. I could have taken negatives and looked for the same kind of sympathy every looks for day in and day out on social media, but that isn't me. I don't need to walk a mile in anyone's shoes, because mine aren't only worn out, but I can walk no more. This isn't a cry for help, but in invitation to lean on these shoulders, because the number of people I have reached out to recently who have shown me their problems are only skin deep amazes me. Yet, I still offer. Over and over again. I know my place on this earth and I know what I have to offer. If no one takes me up on it, so be it, but I'm at peace with what I've endured and what the future holds and how I will handle it.
Comments
Post a Comment