Skip to main content

Free Writing - Take 66

I've been making lists in my head lately and while it's something we all do, these have been so scattered. I've been thinking of songs I love that I haven't heard in ages. I've been thinking about people I've been meaning to reach out to privately, but fail to do so, because liking a silly picture is so much easier. Lists of things I'm dying to eat or books I need to read. I've been thinking about how my desire for knowledge has been waning, because I have nobody to share it with. Even my sports, the thing I spoke so often on Fridays through Mondays, is a thing of the past. I've been jotting down in my memory bank all of the people who I miss and all of those who I thought would miss me more. I think about the ever growing list of people who were constants who mean nothing to me anymore and I to them. I've been making lists of the things I did, each and every day, that I've not done in this, my 155th day away. I took a break from this, looked away and saw a picture of someone. Someone I have probably spoken to three, maybe four times in my life. A friend of a friend, but someone I may have known when she was younger. Now she's grown, probably 30? So beautiful and I remember the night I teased her, she teased back. I miss those things. Put that on my list. Teasing. I'm making lists of things that are driving me crazy, the most of all the repition. My personal hell is speaking and not being heard and repeating myself constantly, to the point where I start questioning if I'm making these things up. Tonight, I disclosed a list. A list of one thing, the one thing that hurts me more than anything. A nod, an verbal affirmation and not 3 minutes later, the actions that proved, it meant nothing. Christmas is coming and I don't have a list. I never have made a list. List of things I want. What a repulsive thing for a child to make, let alone an adult. We make lists all the time, but when the list become things we want? A bucket list of things we can't lay on our death bed proud of. Yes, that fucking diamond necklace looks beautiful, I hope everyone fights over it when I'm dead. Here's my Christmas list. Ask for what the guy whose birthday it is would ask for. Embrace that or is that concept too difficult. Maybe I should just stick to movies and songs. Anyone care to hear my favorites?

Comments

  1. Hop's ThoughtsDecember 5, 2014 at 4:20 AM

    My entire blog will one day be nothing but lists that are better than your lists. Favorite Composers? 1. Franz Liszt

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownDecember 8, 2014 at 12:32 PM

    Bring. It. On. Bich. Liszt? really. (derisive shake of the head)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

White Privilege

This was a post I wrote on Facebook after surprisingly not seeing any moaning about the Documentary by Jose Antonio Vargas, titled White People Dayyum! I just scrolled my timeline and not a single white person got their feelings hurt by White People. I unfortunately haven't seen it, but the number of fake accounts that popped up on twitter, tells me it was a damn good show. Here's the thing. If someone of color aka non-white says "White Privilege," are you offended? If you said yes, then you are exhibiting white privilege. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or study, how you stayed out of trouble, because here's the thing, that is entirely the point. Somewhere out there, there are 100 Black, Spanish, Native American, Arab, Asian, who worked and studied as hard as you and never got in trouble, but they don't have what you "earned" or achieved. Stop looking at the one person you know who isn't white that achieved as your benchmark. Loo...
10 comments
Read more

Quickie Review - Finding Vivian Maier

While I thoroughly enjoyed the film, especially the first 15-20 minutes, I was a little bothered by the way the film played out. The interviews with the clearly disturbed brother, sister and the mother, who obviously, was in for a cut, didn't need to be in the film. Then the woman who suggested abuse, yet seemed to have her life defined by Maier, as she tried to muster every ounce of emotion and fake guilt. Her friend, more than happy to be party of the charade. People who talk about abuse for the first time, usually don't do so on camera. The fact these scenes were so prominent, shows that they felt wronged that they were not rewarded. Maloof on the other hand, seems to disappear from the documentary during this part, almost hiding away from the fact, he went from complete praise, to even making money off of her, to destroying her personal legacy. He almost mentions the family of boys taking care of her rent, as an afterthought. Her burial spot, never shown, yet a video of her...
7 comments
Read more

If You Listen To One Speech - Lana Wachowski

http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/videos/lana-wachowski-opens-up-about-difficult-past-and-attempted-suicide-20121024 Today I saw a link to a video for a speech by Lana Wachowski.  The last name rung a bell, but I could't put my finger on it. Lana, used to be Larry, one of the writer, director, producers of the Matrix trilogy, V for Vendetta and the upcoming Cloud Atlas.  Lana is transgendered and has "come out" as a woman.  She was being honored by the Human Rights Campaign. I didn't know what to expect when this broad woman with crazy hair and a raspy voice began to speak.  She began with the usual pleasantries and told of her hair dresser. She then tells of her desire to be a quiet person and how hard the success of the Matrix movies made this.  The first ten minutes is telling of how she's not quite ready to be this spokesperson.  Then she speaks about the new movie Cloud Atlas and reveals the heart of the movie and this speech. She states,"The resp...
Post a Comment
Read more