Hop's Thoughts

I don't know if this is about the world, my world, or me. I really don't. I notice stuff. According to some, I notice too much. I notice nuances, routines, quirks, strengths, flaws, and everything in between. I notice them and, at times, I dwell. I have written about OCD before. I am not afflicted, nor are most who claim to be. I am a clean freak, but I am not neat. I was not always this way. Other people's mess has created this. People who work with kids will understand where this comes from, but mine came from a time in my life where chaos was the norm and I began to control what I could. I embraced all that others did not do. Odd? Maybe, but it made me survive. If you have ever spent an extended time in a hotel or motel, you appreciate the order. I value family but not in the public, social media sense. I crave that inclusion. I miss my mother, the glue of our family. I miss knowing each holiday was going to be special. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite day of the ...

Lately, I've been a bit obsessed with selfishness and selflessness. Not only in individuals I have direct contact with but in the concept of each. The more I think about this, the more I realize there is a great contradiction in the perception of those who are selfish and those who are selfless. What confounds me is, if selfish people don't know they're selfish and selfless people take no pride in their selflessness, how then do we teach children that self-value comes from altruism? One may view this as a very simple problem but the quick, "easy" answers contradict the true meaning of these opposing character traits. For one to admit their selfishness, one would gather there is a very complex reason for it. For someone to admit their selflessness, would bring into question ulterior motives. It's something I struggle with greatly, when looking back on my life, especially in regards to the last 15 years. One of the true struggles I have is whether or not doi...

I know this may sound odd, but I like doing laundry. Most of you with kids are already rolling your eyes, yelling at your phones, and thinking "He doesn't know what it's really like." Just a minute though. Hear me out. I like doing laundry because it's one of the few things that you do in life you don't actually have to do. There is almost no "doing" in doing laundry. When people gripe, it's more because it's an everyday chore, especially in big families and I get that if the burden falls on one person, the monotony could be frustrating. I do laundry more often than a single person needs to but let me remind you, I have a cat. So I clean my sheets and my comforter at least once, if not twice a week. I also have staff shirts for work and being I only have two, I like to have worn them each at least once a week, so I'm doing two loads a week minimum. Then there is the towel issue. As many know from Facebook, I shared a home last year and ...

The Boston Red Sox are in the World Series. This makes me happy. Should they win, I'll be ecstatic. Should they lose, I'll probably be more unhappy than had they not even made the playoffs. That being said, regardless, in time, I will appreciate their accomplishment. I am also not very happy. I'm not happy with work. Not happy at home. Not happy with my cat's current woes. Not happy with my social life. Not happy about my prospects for the future. Did I mention the Red Sox are in the World Series and that I'm happy? The World Series has allowed me a metaphorical carrot to dangle ahead of me. It gives me a distraction from my work aggravations, my claustrophobic and uncertain home situation, my lack of a social life, and the dim light at the end of this unknown tunnel. It does not help with my cat's current condition, but at least allows me to ten to his needs the best I can, realizing soon, I will have to invest more money into a situation neither he nor I ...

Most of us wake up and wish we could return to our beds. Feeling as if the extra few moments of slumber can magically alleviate our woes. As someone who has long battled insomnia, getting up immediately has allowed me to cover the quiet time alone (well, with cat).  Now, much of my waking time is spent trying to figure out how to acquire more of it. It's not that I am antisocial, I'm far from it, I just recently seem to surround myself with the mundane. People who have full-length conversations about the weather, not because they are trying to make small talk but due largely to the fact, they don't have much else to offer. Spending one's days, going from place to place, not connecting on a cerebral level is a tough chore and one thing I've realized is that simple people tend to put lots of weight and value into what many call drama. Sure, they view the phrase with contempt but the reality is, much like the squirrels at the side of the road, it gives them that someth...

I spent this past week posting one thoughtful status per day on Facebook. Each one was something about bettering oneself through the acts of altruism but also the idea we need to understand that this need for self-serving gratitude, acknowledgment, and "stuff" isn't important at all. Over the course of seven days, I tried to hit on things I have changed or actively trying to change about myself. There is no endgame for me in this, just a concerted effort to do more for others without ever feeling that I am owed something in return. This, of course, is not to be confused with work or required acts, but there are times when the two shall cross and it's important to realize that responsibility and accountability are important at all times. I don't know if I was only writing it for me; the fact I chose social media and not this platform leads me to believe I wasn't but It helped me. It made me look at certain times I've been judgmental differently. I do thin...

Next month, I will be a vegetarian for three years and vegan for two and a half. It's not a big deal anymore for me but I have started to push the health and ethical benefits more in recent weeks. During a conversation with a fellow vegan and a room full of carnivores, the normal question was posed: "You must miss cheese, right?" When my answer wasn't what they expected, I was then asked to list the things I do miss. I told them I'd give it some thought.  After some reflection, I came to the conclusion that the things I miss the most were the things I didn't eat very often, to begin with. The delicacies, the holiday fare, and of course, everything I've been without since my mother passed away fourteen years ago. The irony of this mental list was that those items are really what pushed me into veganism, as most delicacies tend to be the root of all evil committed against animals. I knew nobody wanted to hear me wax poetic of my high morality, so I tried ...

For most of my adult life, I've had a part-time job, working with kids, in which I was the director, supervisor, but never the boss, in the true sense. I now find myself in a position where I am a subordinate, in every sense of the word. It sucks! It sucks when you know something is being ignored, put off, or in some cases, done wrong. I'm 21 credits away from being able to be heard. Well, that may have been the case 20-odd years ago. Not now. My current boss is amazing, caring, and thoughtful but she's still my boss and while I've been there long enough to have some seniority, it's not enough to make me comfortable about pointing out the failures of others. Especially those with more time, not to be confused with more experience, and in some cases, more seniority. I think the lack of a structured division of "power," is a fatal flaw. I also think the lack of communication, not in terms of daily events, but in vision, is hurting the program. That being sai...

This will be short, I promise "A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in." - Greek Proverb Let me start by saying, I am overjoyed. A handsome new nephew, a beautiful growing niece, and two jobs that allow me to experience the innocent naivety and wonderment of discovery, each and every day. It's a special time in my heart and a tense time in my head. As I've matured, I realize that my life will not be remembered for any momentous occasion. I will never be rich, famous, or revered by the masses. I may not even be remembered by name, but those whose lives I had the greatest impact. I will simply be remembered for the caring, nurturing, and teaching of all the things not taught in school. My happiness comes from that and the happiness, friendships, and education I gain from these children. My fear, however, this comes from knowing I have not done enough to protect them and that I will not always be there. My insecu...

Yesterday, while watching football, a couple sat down next to me. They knew a woman at the bar, normally a bartender, who was out for the Giants game. He ordered the chili and she had the soup of the day. Each had one drink. They weren't there more than twenty-five minutes total. He appeared to have had a few earlier, while she commented on not feeling well. He immediately engaged in conversation with the young women at and behind the bar; then she did. There was non-stop chatter from both parties, and my only inclusion in this, was when the bartender asked if I minded if she changed the channel on one of the televisions. I did not. So where's this story going? Well, it didn't really stick out until they left and I had a conversation with another customer. When he left, I checked the time on my phone and ordered another beer. As I put the phone down, it hit me. Each time the man spoke, his wife did not take part and simply stared at her phone, checking her Facebook. Eac...